Many questions about the Economic Stimulus Payment keep coming up. Some of the most common involve child support. The questions fall into two categories: owing and receiving child support.
If You or Your Spouse Owes Child Support
The IRS will withhold your payment up to the full amount, if you owe back child support. If you file a joint return and one spouse owes child support the IRS can withhold the entire tax refund and the stimulus payment. Again, the IRS will take the husbands share, the wife's share and any money for the children to pay child support. However, there is something you can do about it. See the Injured Spouse section below.
If You Are Owed Child Support
You could receive up to the full amount of the stimulus payment from the party that owes you child support. See the section above.
Injured Spouse Allocation
If the IRS claims all or part of your tax rebate or your economic stimulus payment because of money your spouse owes there is hope. You could file Form 8379 -Injured Spouse Allocation. This form notifies the IRS that you should receive money that was claimed to pay your spouses debt.
If you are determined to be an "injured spouse" the IRS will calculate your claim at up to 50% of the total stimulus payment. This means that the IRS will send you 50% of your stimulus payment even if your spouse (again usually the husband) owes money to the government or for child support.
Examples
From the Office of Child Support Enforcement here are some examples:
Example 1 – Jane and John Doe are eligible for a $1,200 stimulus payment. John is offset for child support for the full amount of the stimulus payment ($1,200). Jane files an injured spouse claim against the stimulus payment offset. IRS would reverse or adjust $600 (50%) from the $1,200 offset for payment since this is the maximum portion to which Jane is entitled as the injured spouse.
Example 2 – Jane and John Doe are eligible for a $1,200 stimulus payment. John is offset for $800, paying off his remaining past-due child support. IRS sends Jane and John Doe a check for $400 for the remaining amount owed from the stimulus payment. Jane files an injured spouse claim against the stimulus payment. IRS would only reverse $200 from the offset amount of $800 as this, along with the $400 already disbursed by the IRS, would be equal to 50% ($600) of the original amount of the stimulus payment prior to offset.
Example 3 – Jane and John Doe are eligible for a $1,200 stimulus payment. John is offset for $400, paying off his remaining past-due child support. IRS sends Jane and John Doe a check for $800 for the remaining amount owed from the stimulus payment. Jane files an injured spouse claim against the stimulus payment offset. IRS would not reverse any portion of the offset as the couple had already received more than 50% ($600) of the original amount of the stimulus payment prior to offset.
A "Fair" Solution for Everyone
In the end the IRS has to claim the money from those that owe child support or debts to the government. On the other hand, it's unfair to take money from spouses and children, especially if they didn't have anything to do with the debt. Hopefully this information will help people achieve a fair solution in their situations.
Tags Economic Stimulus Government IRS Stimulus Payment Tax Return TaxesRelated Posts
- IRS Economic Stimulus Payment Article Index
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- Stimulus Payment: Do My Children Qualify?
Comments
314 Comments so far
I would just like to say that I was in the hospital for a while (2 wks with a doctors note stating I could only go back after a few weeks of rest at home)and lost my hours at my job. Then I petitioned the court so I could let them know that I didnt simply quit paying support by just not working anymore, rather, I was in the hospital with medical problems. By the time I was in court, I had since found another job (again, this was within a 2 month period)and finally was able to go to the social service blding. and let them know where I was now working and gave them $ for that payday. (You cannot call direct to your caseworker anymore and they make it very difficult to find out how one is supposed to handle these kind of situations. Hence the reason I petitioned the court in the first place!) Anyways, now since I took time off from work one day…to go and staighten things out and have my support come out of my paycheck from my new place of employment they informed me that my "back support" (from when I was in the HOSPITAL and immediately after) would come out in addition every payday along with my weekly support until it was paid in full! NOW, having said all of that, I really think it is unfair to take my "economic stimulus" check away from me (along with things like freezing my bank account!) so as to satisfy back support that could not have been avoided in the first place, when I am already paying the extra amount in my every paycheck as it is.!! I can understand deadbeat parents that do not work or pay support at all or continually "use" the system however, I am not one of them. I happen to be a mother who is more than willing to pay my share every week and make up for the times (that rarely happen) when I would have to make up for any back support. I just think its pretty stupid to take an economic stimulus paymt. and give it to someone who is already being paid back.
Here is my comment:
I am a full-time working mother of three kids. If I am sick or out of work, I support my kids. If my car breaks down, I support my kids.
What I find unfair is that a person can marry someone behind in child support and then cause back child support be held for up to six months until they decide if they want to file a claim against it. Meanwhile, the parent supporting the children still goes without new work shoes, so the kids can get what they need.
i was out of work for 3 months last year and got behind on my child support. they took my refund which was okay..but i do not think they should take my stimulus check too. i am paying every week plus extra to make up the difference… i feel like throwing my hands up!!!
It isn't fair to hold onto my rebate because my husband owes back child support (this is another story in itself). Why should I have to wait and fill out paperwork to get something that is rightfully mine? I understand that he owes the child support, which has been comes out of his check every week, plus the extra to make up for the extra that is due. I have children that I have to take care of also.
Im on the other end of this situation…my ex owes me over $38,000 and doesnt file taxes at all so Im not getting anything. I know he is working but its under the table and no one will do anything to try to collect this support. He doesnt even call to check on his kids. My husband now pays child support every week, calls his son and sends money and gifts and makes trips to see him when we can. We live in VA and he is in FL. For years my husband refund was held. Even when he only owed $900 in VA, FL said he owed $3000 and they took all of his $4000 refund. Now finally we have got it all straight and he is ahead of schedule and FL and VA are working together.
While I sympathesize with those mothers who get NO support from the fathers… I am the wife on the fathers side and if you want to talk about F*D UP, we'll talk about how the hubby loses all of his money to arrears due to time spent in prison, during which HIS mother cared for the child in question, and the mother of the child in question literally got off scott free.
Now he is STILL paying those arrears through weekly income AND taxes… EVEN THOUGH THE CHILD IS OUR DEPENDANT!!!!
Child support has promised him for 3 years now that they will 'call it even' afer taking his taxes that year, but they never do.
He spent 5 years in prison when he was younger and dumber, but the fact that child support (for welfare purposes) considered incarceration 'involuntary employment' led to a HUGE bill because they considered charging him $50/week would be easier than going after the mother of the child in question, who has never done a darn thing for any of her 5 kids.
Well let me tell you something… not ALL dads are deadbeats and there really should be some changes in the child support system that aren't so 'anti-fathers'.
That's all
No I'm sorry, one more thing because I know someone will disagree with me. I personally think child support should work in favor of the child. Right?
So how are we supposed to support the dependants when child support takes all our damn money?!?!
OH MY GOSH!!!!!! Yeah i got a better one lol I married a man who has a child and over the years with him changing jobs or not making enough mind you he pays $470.00 a month for a five year old and makes only ten bucks a hour. He owed back child support. When we filled our taxes this year the irs took ALL of what he owed, but since it hasn't went through the child support system yet it still shows he owes. Thats F in great because now child support gets our stimulus check. I have two girls, and I need that money!!!!!! Child support says in 6months one the system gets cleared up they will send us our money thats bull****!!!!! I'm telling you his x tries to steal the clothes off of my childrens backs!!! To be honest I hate her!!!! We can't even see his baby girl we havn't seen her since she was 6months old!! But he pays almost $6,000 a year for what????? EEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Oh, see now I get to talk about the OTHER daughter he pays support for. The one that lives with us is his older one. The younger daughter, who now lives with her mother…. SIGH where to begin. 9 years old can tell you all about Prada and Gucci… guess who pays for that lifestyle. Trust me, it's not her mother… her mother is just the one that won't settle for less and it's the child support system who makes it possible. Talk abotu hating exes… this bitch is the kind who will date and live with a complete asshole jyust casue he has a fat paycheck. That's her though… whatever floats her boat though I wouldn't approve of bringing a child ino that. IT was really messy when she had some 'boyfriend problems' and their daughter was able to live with us for 9 months. Wouldn't you know it, the ONLY way she would let that happen is if he didn't change anything about support. $50/week for 9 months….
im so glad that i will be getting off all dead beats money…its about time… i use to think that the system didnt work for single mothers, but i got his entire tax refund check and hopefully i will get his stimulus check…my child is 9 and he doesnt do JACK!!!!! Im laughing all the way to the bank….
I know it sucks but think about the parent that is taking care of the child…all the times that parent received NOTHING…because the other parent who has the child day to day gets nothing. No one is worried if they receive anything or NOT, doing their best to make a one person income stretch.
To those who marry and file jointly with spouses who owe back pay on child support….you have a 2 person income and not one to support your in house children.
Back pay is what it is….Money owed BACK to the parent who received nothing for months.
Most of them are not going to buy nothing extra for their kids with the Stimulus check…so why not give it to the person who has no choice but to spend it on the kids….the parent who has full custody of the kids….b/c their is light, rent, food, clothes that are needed on a day to day basis. Let's not forget the extra things of who is there to give them that last minute money for a field trip or school project or when one needs to come up with co-pay and prescription money God forbid if they get sick. The parent who has the child always comes off the most unless the non-custodial parents big bucks.
Yet, this absent parents seem to have no job, but yet they eat, sleep, and dress every day with no job.
Well I married a guy 15 years my senior, so his kids were grown and gone from home when we married, I on the other hand had two small ones at home and an ex of my own not paying support.
My current husband's oldest son passed away, he made a deal with his ex that he would pay the funeral if she waived the last few months of support on the youngest one…alas a deal was struck. Only thing is she didn't have a right to make that deal because she spent her entire life on welfare (I have worked all my life even with my kids.)
So somehow he has to pay back that 2K (+) which was no biggie, but why does he have to repay every dime of welfare the lady drew her entire life? What? All of a sudden he owes 20K. The state says well once he fell behind in support they had the right to collect the welfare back. Money she would have drawn anyway as she always did even when he wasn't behind. Does this even come close to making sense? I swear I think we should hire an attorney.
Well after 5 years of them taking ALL of our refunds and sending it to her or her welfare, I finally found out about the injured spouse form. So now I get to at least keep some right? I never understood taking money out of my little kids mouths to send to a woman who spunged of the system a lifetime and now has children pushing 30?
Okay so now hubby is sick and is drawing Soc. Security, but I still work (as I always have) so now because of my income level I have to pay tax on his income, but I typically get the entire refund….which I intentionally keep to near nothing as I am sick of them stealing my money. And the state meanwhile will apparantly get half this stimulus check (which is a whole different bag of crap, our economy has enough debt to contend with, lets add this to it?) But I don't understand why they don't use the same formula for the stimulus that they do for the tax refund, only seems fair to me. Oh well, you'd think this debt would be eventually getting paid off, not sure how they calculate it, that is the beauty of this screwed up mess, no one ever provides you a statement of what is left owing, they just keep taking and taking. You have to go in and keep requesting an audit to get any idea. And even they can't explain what she drew and when? What I like best is she was able to draw welfare a lifetime, then get child support arrearage payments sent to her once the kids were grown and gone. Meanwhile my husband paid the arrearage and the welfare she drew. So she draws twice, he pays twice? Doesn't make sense to me. Either he should owe the welfare or the support, not both, subtract one from the other.
I should have considered sitting on my butt my whole life and saddled my sorry ex with a huge debt that him and his new family would still be trying to pay. What a system we have! I always laugh and say yeah I pay back welfare that my ex's wife drew for their kids. How nice!
I have a child I receive support for and my husband pays child support for one. So what comes in goes right back out! Anyway, they took our taxes this year which totally paid us up, we got a little behind which is fine, I know we owe it so pay it! Well, child support got the income taxes but hold them for 6 months, ok, this sucks but I suppose you have to deal with it so whatever! So, we were supposed to get our stimulus today and guess what? The IRS is going to send it to child support, since child support holds it for 6 months it still shows that he is behind so they get this money too! Thats not even right! If they receive the money they know its there and need to show it as paid even if they hold it for 6 months. My husband is fully paid up, still has to pay arrears and now they are going to take our stimulus too! Child Support needs to change the 6 month thing, everyone that owes child support knows they take their income taxes, if your married to someone that owes that child has not become your child too, forget the injured spouse paper! Just get it paid and over! That way the mother of the child thats getting the support gets her money so she can take care of bills and extras for the child and the payer don't have to pay arrears for 6 freaking months! I always have thought child support was a load of crap. I had a friend he had the kids and his ex made decent money and only had to pay $20.00 total each months for 3 kids, not per kid, thats crazy.
In our case it's my step-sons mother who won't pay ANY child support. Then when it gets taken from her check she calls and begs for us to give it to her, we have never done so. She never paid any child support on her own. She sees her son 1x a month. We are supposed to get 900.00 from her taxes (which she called and asked us to give back to her)I can't wait till we get her 300.00 stimulus check too….She thinks because she is a deadbeat MOM it's ok to not pay….I can't stand her…
Well, my husband owes back child support for birthing expenses that were initially paid by Medicaid. He has to pay it all back himself, $5,000 and she not a dime. He was the one that went to court (they had made arrangements without the state but he was scared he would get screwed with more if nothing wasn't "legal"). He can't even go to Canada, like a crimal, although he has paid everything. It is horrible to say, but it makes me understand why someone would want to be a dead beat dad. Why would things not be equal? Why would he be responsible solely to repay the state?
I am a single mother of three children. My ex husband owes me over $16,000 in child support. He just started paying weekly through probation in my County. His tax return has been taken this year and thank God his stimulus payment will be taken too. All of these men/women who are complaining about their stimulus payments being taken away for child support. How do you think the custodial parent of the child felt when he/she was getting absolutely nothing to support the children that the ex spouse also brought into the world. And these women who say that their stimulus payment is being taken away because their husband/wife owes child support. What is wrong with you people? You married them. You knew they had children. You (I hope) knew that they owed money for child support. I would hope that you would want your stepchildren taken care of!! Put yourself in the shoes of the custodial parent. How would you like it if you were left to raise children on practically nothing? What gives one person the right to walk away from children and think that they don't have to support them? What gives another person the right to think that because they are married to someone who was a deadbeat at one time (or still is) that it shouldn't affect them. For better or worse sweetheart. You marry them, you marry their problems too!!! I am looking forward to getting my ex-husband's stimulus check. Now maybe I can purchase summer clothes for the boys.
[...] this is just an estimate, your actual payment amount may vary. For instance if you owe child support or back taxes, the government (IRS) will take the amount you owe out of your stimulus payment. [...]
Okay, I have seen enough of these emails that I just have to post one more comment. Apparently there are certain mothers who didn't quite grasp my point.
I firmly believe to the fullest extent that BOTH parents should be involved in EVERY POSSIBLE WAY with the children they produce, and this INCLUDES the financial aspect.
I also believe there are MANY faults in the way the child support system is designed.
For one, not ALL fathers are deadbeats. Yes, many are… but treating every case 'on paper' with the assumption that the father is a deadbeat is a very weak system to use.
For two, not all mother financially support their children. It is very difficult for a father to gain custody of his child, EVEN IF HE CAN PROVE the mother is unfit. In too many cases have I seen firsthand a child being raised poorly, a fathetr that could take better care of their child, and a mother taking money from that father to pay for her own personal addictions while denying visitation from the father simply because she can. Is this fair? no. But this is how the system works.
Everybody has their own story to bitch about. If you are a single mom who gets no help from the dad, you have every right to bitch about your situation but not all situations are like yours. The men really do get shitted on by the entire system.
The case that I bitched about displayed more than my husband being screwed over by the child supoprt system. The children were hurt as well. But no matter, because we just work harder to take care of those children.
What about the deadbeat moms that get away with bloody murder? What about the children that are used as 'bait' for 'free money'?
All I am saying is that there are some severe faults in the child support laws.
I have 2 children from 2 different men, my oldest daughter I was only awarded $50 a month from him but at least he pays. When he did owe back child support (didn't pay for a few months) we got it from his tax refund.
My youngest daughter is a whole different matter. Her father owes almost $40,000.00 once in a great while they'll catch him at a job (she's 10 1/2 and I've only received 12 payments of child support from him and no where near the full amount owed each month). He constantly changes jobs and never files taxes so I get neither his tax refund or stimulus payment (though I should for the oldest, he's just a wee bit behind).
I've never denied the fathers access to their children. But not once have they ever visited them or even sent a simple birthday card (that would probably mean a lot more to them than presents).
At least the oldest's dad calls once in a great while and even contacts her via MySpace.
The other one… pfft… he's a lost cause.
I am reading all of your comments and I agree with all of them. My husband supported his 3 children and his ex for a year after they divorced. Payed her 400.00 amonth and what ever they needed for 4 years. He kept all reciepts. She was not satisfied. She took him to court and stated that he gave her nothing for that 4 years. So the judge would not except the receipts. So he had 4 years at 605.00 a month of back child support!
He pays 605.00 a month plus insurance and co-pay. He has not griped. Plus tax returns.
She is an RN she makes twice as much money as he does. She has New cars every year. He pays for the kids a cell phone on our plan.(which is over 300.00 a month)
Because she cant keep a phone.
NOW his daughter is 18, she has been taken off child support, which the price has not changed at all.
Also she wants more so she is taking him back to court.
I have a 2 year old with him, She says that my child does not matter.
We have to live with family and drive piece of shit vehicles so she can be happy.
oh and she wants him to buy his kids cars too.
With what?
He is not a dead beet dad, I am filling for injured spouse, my son deserves that much.
She gets everything else!
I was the "single mother." I've walked in the shoes of the mom looking to get child support and didn't get it. I did need a roof, food, utilities and transportation for myself as it was. Yes, with a child I had to upgrade in home size a little. Most food that you buy comes with at least 2 servings. So pretty much I was responsible for child care and clothing. Child care is pricey (and tax deduction) but as far as clothing goes, E-Bay is great when you buy clothes in lots or even go 2nd hand. They're kids, they'll mess up their clothes anyway.
I ended up marrying the father of my child after 5 years of seperation and a major attitude change. He has 2 other kids that he too, owes back support on and now that has become my problem also(the support not the kids). We now have 4 kids together (like married people do) and we don't get much of anything because of the back support. He has been regularly paying the child support for years now and extra for arrears. I stay home with our kids because it is cheaper than daycare/work and my husband is working 2 jobs to support $650/mo. in child support + insurance, and a family of 6. My work being a full time mom of 4 doesn't mean squat to the IRS so it won't help much with the Injured Spouse allocation and we haven't received much by way of tax returns in years. He doesn't get to claim his boys for taxes (she gets that $). We don't get the child tax credit or earned income credit for our children. Our kids don't get anything. Our 4 kids don't cost us $650/mo. combined. And now the stimulus payment. It's $300 per kid? Uhhh…they probably won't see that either. There have been thousands of $$ intended to go to OUR children as child deductions/credits. Meanwhile, his boys are living in a high cost area wearing name brand clothing, going to amusement parks and playing PS3 and Wii because their mother has remarried, our kids are wearing hand me downs and we're grocery shopping for a family of 6 on about $150/mo. When will MY kids get a break??? We don't qualify for food stamps because my husband makes $30/mo. too much before they'll take out the deductions ($650 child support).
There are MANY situations. People say, "I chose to marry him." I did know that he had other children, I had one of them. I know that he had child support, I had one of those kids to support. I chose the "Dad" over the money. I also chose LOVE over money. Once again, MY CHOICE, not my kids. Start giving them what they have owed to them for crying out loud! I love my step-kids and I do want them to have good lives but not 10 times better than my kids. It needs to be fair among all.
I'll stop ranting, now. Thank you!
Yea well. Ive been on both sides . I currently owe child support so it appears my stimulus check (that was supposed to help get the ecconomy out of debt, by me spending it) Will be claimed by NJ. Its typical. If my kids where even seeing it I'd have no problems with this. HOWEVER , They do NOT . My mother has 2 of my boys . She recieved help from the state for 6 years , at 150 a month , In 2007 the help stopped when she moved out of NJ . A third son has been adopted since 1999 when he was 1 yr old, I was billed at 45 a week until Dec of 99. As of now , NJ says I owe 28000 for the boys my mom has and 12000 for the one that has been adopted. I've had some health issues in the past years that has kept me from working your normal Jobs. Some payments. However have been made. Now I dont claim to be good at math BUT something does NOT add up. NJ will only discuss this if i go to NJ and file a motion.. Hello! I do work. I cant just take off to go on a trip to NJ to wait to be heard.
Anyway. Now for the other side. My Girlfriend has an 18 year old Daughter who's father left when she was 2. Since then he has payed, close to NOTHING. His rights where finally removed when she was 7. However , To this day we have seen NOTHING from him. He has geen in jail atleast 1x for this. But still we seen NOTHING. We have recieved 300 a month x 24 months for Family aid from the state. He was supposed to be paying 45 a week. SO what i ask is why does none of this make sence? My opinion in this is the whole child support sytem needs a serious overhawl (Hope thats spelled right). Regardless. Something needs to be done to help people both get what they deserve and be saved from paying what they should not be!
How sad it is child support is not monitored better. My husband also was out of a work for a period and didn't have support taken directly out of his paycheck anymore. By the time I got a hold of anyone in the office we had fallen behind on support. Which is ridiculous in itself being the mother as well as us, have custody of one child, but we pay her the support. She does not contriubute her 50% of medical etc. that relys on us. The back support was settled with state refund, however because child support processes whenever they feel like it, they also intercepted my federal. Then I had to wait 2 months for the overpayment. I would have waited longer but I e-mailed the director directly. I couldn't get any response from a not so friendly worker through the hotline. Not everyone is a dead beat dad. The system just doesn't work. Now where is my stimulus. I imagine it will once again sit with the child support office because they failed to communicate and lift the interception off of my taxes. Oh how I love child support!
Again I say to everyone who is complaining about child support — How would you feel if you were in the mother's shoes that had to support them. These men are now divorced for whatever reason. They have to pay child support. Period. End of Story. It was their choice to remarry and have more children. Nobody ever said it was easy supporting two families, but if you didn't want to support two families, why did you have two families? The new family children suffer because the husband has to pay support to his ex? What about the children of the first family? You're not getting your stimulus payment because your husband owes back child support? He owes it for a reason. For that 12, 24 or 48 months that he didn't pay, someone fed, clothed and put a roof over his children's head from his first marriage/relationship. It wasn't him. There will always be bitterness or resentment between the first family and the second family, but the bottom line is people, if a man owes the money, he owes the money. I, as I said before, am glad to be getting my extra $600 from the government for his stimulus.
My biggest point is those custodial parents who use the system to THEIR advantage. Bring a good parent means more than just FINANCIALLY supporting your children, so why would parent restrict the noncustodial parents parental rights over a money problem? That child needs both parents in their life, and even if the noncustodial parent can't give enough money to satisfy the needs (OR wants) of the custodial parent, that child is being hurt when the custodial parent says "well you can't see your kid".
IF for any reason I were to not end up with the man I married, I wouldn't want him to pay me any money. I would just want him to keep being a dad. The rest I can do myself. Those parents who do it all themselves should pat yourself on the back for it, not bitch about how much money you should get paid for it. It's all for the children anyways, and having those parents who AREN't deadbeats but just can't afford to pay $100 a week shouldn't be treated like they are deadbeats. At least they do what they can!
I am a disabled single parent of two girls. i am dealing with a man who has never seen his youngest at all, who is now 7. He is over $30,000 behind in back child support. I just got support re-established because back in October he looked me up on my myspace page, and stupid him, he gave me all his information, where he was living, and working, and was still angry at me over him losing $3,000 tax refund to me 6 years ago.
I printed up his messages via Myspace as well as his page, and I turned all of it over to the local prosecutor's office. Two months ago, his wages began getting garnished, over $500 a month. You know what I say to that? GOOD!
So now he is whining that he got notice that his stimulus payment is coming to me. I have been taking care of the kids, the door was always open for him to visit. He made the choice not to visit, not to pay a dime, and to leave the state with no traces of him whatsoever.
I often ran out of food, wore rags for clothes, and couldnt do anything for the kids, and he was on his myspace page bragging about all the places he went to, etc, and had himself listed on many dating sites.
Then, when they recently started taking the support money out, he had the audacity to say that 'boo-hoo he has just $200 to live on for the month. you know what, I dont give a crap. I had $10 in my bank account by the middle of the month, he sure as heck didnt care about his kids.
To the girlfriends/wives of men who dont pay child support. You decided to marry or date them, STAY OUT OF THE BUSINESS OF THE CUSTODIAL PARENT. you werent there when the child was conceived, you have no say in any matter that involves that child. Nadda! Nothing.
I hate with a passion dealing with current girlfriends who feel it is necessary to call me and scream and yell that their boyfriend or husband has no money to live on. I dont care what you think of me. I am the one worrying about my children, and getting them where they need to go.
So to the wives and girlfriends who want to complain that their boyfriend/husband is not getting their stimulus payment because of child support owed….GET OVER YOURSELVES!
The utility companies, etc didnt care that I didnt have money in a given month. I could not give them a sob story of how I only had x amount of dollars left once I paid them. They didnt want to hear it.
So, I dont want to hear the whining, name calling, nasty phone calls and letters from a current girlfriend or whatever that their boyfriend/husband is being robbed essentialy. I
(continued)
I DON'T CARE!
So listen up girlfriends and wives…you want to get mad at someone? Get mad at the man you are with……not the custodial parent. If you are stupid enough to marry the guy you marry his problems too.
Im going to gladly accept any stimulus payment, and laugh all the way to the bank and then with my girls in tow to the nearest store to get them all the clothes they want–why? Because they deserve it.
I have zero sympathy for any man who makes the choice not to see his kids or be responsible. Then he makes the choice to date someone else and make it that person's problem telling lies and causing friction for the custodial parent.
so, again, my door is open for the father of my children—their girlfriend or wife is never welcome at my home if they disrespect me.
Well, lets see my situation. after a motorcycle accident that put me out of work for a year, and homeless, my son's ( of which i see every single visitation )mother decided that wasnt enough, she filed failure to pay contempt charges on me. had me sent to jail for 2 months. got out to be told my total amount of arrears was 6,000 dollars had to fight to get to see my son again. paid off my arrears to the dollar and kept up my current support, still to this day… ohh did i mention i got a letter from the prosecutor 2 days ago saying i owe 5,460 more dollars, and their going to be filing for contempt charges , for money that no one knows where the amount came from. I have been there with and fighting to see my son since day one, and no matter the name she calls me in front of him, the lies she tells the judge, or the 180 miles i have to drive ( because she says drop off and return is my job ) on wednesdays to see him for an hour, looks like more courts for me, more laywers fees for things i didnt do wrong, and more missed irs checks….. my name ( to him at least ) will ALWAYS be dad and i will not give up…………there are some very good dads out here
Did you ever think about the woman that cheated on the husband/boyfriend and that is why they are no longer together? I for one, and I was a single mother for a long time, think that if the woman cheats on the man, and wants to take the kids, she should be responsible 100%!If you no longer got along or whatever, fine, get a divorce, breakup whatever, dont cheat! My husbands Ex cheated on him with a man with a lot of money and left thinking her life would be better, didn't work!! Another thing, sometimes backsupport can not be helped as in Shaynes case! Was it his fault he was in a motorcycle accident that put him out of work for a year? No, and what did child support do? They turn around and put him in jail!How is he expected to even work and try to pay child support if he is in jail? The child support system is good if they had their shit together! No, they don't! My husband was out of work for awhile because he hurt his back and they took his Tax return which totally paid him up! I DONT CARE, I am glad its paid! The money needed to go to his son and it shouldn't take 6 months for it to get to him! My problem is they think their going to turn around and take the stimulus check when he don't owe any money! As a matter of fact, child support owes him money! Do you see them sending it back to us? Are we able to take them to court and make them pay arrears or send them to jail because we don't get our money? NOPE! Child support needs to get the system in better working order! When taxes are taken to pay child support up then it needs to go directly to the custodial parent, not sit and collect them interest! There should be no such thing as Injured Spouse when you marry a man that pays child support then you should know that if he gets behind his taxes will be taken! If you don't like it file seperate taxes claim your kids yourself that way you get what your kids deserve and your husband is paying his debt on his own! I'm happy for the parents that are getting income taxes and the stimulus payment checks for child support that is owed back! Remember, there is no need to be nasty to eachother in front of the children, you should not bash the non custodial parent in front of your children even if they have done you wrong, the child will decide what they want to think of the other parent without your help! Its not good for the children to be put in the middle! When my sons dad got a new girlfriend I was a little jealous but I didn't put her out and treat her like crap! I actually treated her with respect and decency for my sons sake! Get over it already! I would also like to say that if the non custodial parent has other chlidren now that don't make them any less deserving! They didn't do anything and should not have to suffer and do without either!
[...] see my previous article on the stimulus package, taxes and child support for information. You can also check out this article on the stimulus payment from the US [...]
My boyfriend has joint custody of his 4 year old daughter. He pays his child support every single week, although I do not feel like he should have to. He has her 50% of the time, and it was decided that he is 70% financially responsible for her while her mother is only 30% financially responsible for her. Why should he be punished just because his daughter's mother refuses to get a better paying job than one at Wendy's 10 hours a week. She keeps popping out kids she can't afford to take care of. She's living off of the welfare system. But let's punish him for that right? He was at first ordered to pay her nearly $100 a week. He went to court and they lowered it to $57 a week. He is currently paying $67 a week because the CSEA screwed up and did not were not taking his support out of his check because they kept saying they had no employer on file.
This woman is living the life of luxury. He pays for and maintains insurance on the child and also pays the copay for any doctors visits or procedures she may have done. The mother gets a welfare check every week, food stamps, $67 a week in child support, low income housing, and her weak Wendy's salary. She also lives with her boyfriend whom we are almost positive is also collecting from the welfare system. He too works minimal hours at a fast food place.
We are sitting here making less money than both of them and we both work full time! She sees nothing wrong with collecting that money and she even thinks she should get more! They took his state to catch up on the few months that he got behind, and now he will lose most of his stimulus too. We have bills to pay, they don't. She even has the nerve to say that my boyfriend does nothing for his daughter and then complains and harasses him when he (god forbid) buys himself something. Not to mention the fact that I rarely see his daughter come over with new clothes, shoes, or anything that they have bought her. The mother has bragged that she will pay her boyfriends car insurance with it if she wants to. It makes me physically ill. I only the other hand just blew my whole stimulus check buying my 3 year old son and his daughter new clothes for summer time.
I forgot to add that my son really DOES have a deadbeat dad. I never get more than $20 a week in support when he has only been ordered to pay me $150 a week because he is 31 years old and will never hold a real job. He does not even have his license. Just this week I only got $3 in support. He has only seen my son a handful of times, and those times were usually at court. He has a warrant out for his arrest. I know exactly where he is but would good would having him arrested do me? I wouldn't get ANYTHING then! Going to jail is like a vacation for this man anyway!
Well, hopefully I will get his stimulus. I only got his state tax return this past year. He owes me $4,000 all together now.
In cases like mine, I can see why tax returns are taken away from losers like my son's father. But in my boyfriends case, it's just absurd.
The CSEA needs to stop punishing GOOD parents based off of the behaviors of the BAD parents! They really do very little to help people dealing with a deadbeat collect their money.
There is too much stigma attached to child support now. When my boyfriend says something to someone about his child support, they automatically think he is a deadbeat daddy when he's the exact opposite! I've never seen a better father than he is, and he has her %50 of the time, if not more than that somes weeks!
The child support system needs reformed! Something has got to be done!
The moral of the story is this…. You (usually fathers, but not always) will be punished by the system for wanting to have something to do with your kid. It's either pay the mom to be a part of your child's life, or get the hell out and pay anyway. It is really nothing more than a way for the states to collect more taxes and I hope that someone takes charge to start changing things in this country. Especially for father's rights.
To MARSHA. AMEN to that. Let's see what the "new wives" and "new girlfriends" of the ex-husbands and boyfriends have to say when they find themselves supporting that guy's children because the relationship ended with him. Until you have had to support children physically, emotionally and financially ALL BY YOURSELF, you have no business preaching about what unfair is. Fair is getting his stimulus check. I might even have some left over after buying the boys clothes to get a pedicure.
I too deal with a deadbeat Dad. Nothing like after months of nothing, I get a check for $7. then for the next 2 weeks, 2 more checks for $7. Then I get one for $49. WOO HOO! Nothing now in the last 5 months. The state scheduled him for a hearing with the threat of being arrested and so forth. Well, it didnt scare him too much…he was a no show. All he got was a letter stating he was ordered to pay me directly $215. a month til arrearages were paid in full. Well, that didnt scare him either. I didnt even get one of those $7. dollar checks to insult me with. Now hes been called back to court for a contempt hearing. I say he doesnt show. My frustration is, why arent they attaching his wages? Why arent I getting his refunds? If you look back in the child support website, you see that multiple times his wages were ordered attached, and the very next day ordered terminated. A week later, the same thing again. The list goes on and on. Only a judge can do this, why would this be taking place?
Feels good to vent frustration, thanks for listening. Those of you that get the tax refunds, and stimulus payments, are you being informed before hand, or is it a surprise?
Melanie,
Im in the same boat. Only my ex keeps hisself hidden by working under the table so they cant track him. He doesnt call and check on his kids and he owes $40,000 as of the 1st of May. We are scheduled to go to court on the 13th but they cant find him to serve him so he wont show so whats the use? Just thought I would let you know I know how you feel!!!
I pay over $1500.00 a month in child support. The "ex" makes under $21,000 a year and ends up at the end w/ 3times the "net" pay that I do. I lost my whole tax return as for the first time in 6 years I ended w/less than 300 in arrears. Now, I am losing part of my Economic Stimulus as I am less than $100 in arrears due to the way my employer pays us.
I am penalized and the Stimulas does "nothing" for me. My "ex" is the deadbeat as she refuses judges orders to get a better paying job. The last two kids are over 16 yoa. I could really use that money, not her. It's sad when the kids make more money than she does a year. Being in Law Enforcement, I despise "deadbeat dads/moms" and arrested them whenever possible, those and domestics. I just feel penalized for no legitimate reason.
I am glad that I will receive his stimulas check. I am owed over 7000. I have been more than paitent and understanding. I know times get tough. However my son's monthly medical bills,school clothes,extra activites does not stop if times are tough. I work a full time job, and a part time and college 15 creidits per semester, and manage to take them to baseball,and Karate. Suck it people who owe up and help out your children. Get another job. Sell AVON like do on the side to pay my sons prepaid college fund payment!!!!!!!!!!
Just because you stop payment does not mean the child's bills stop!!!!!!!!!!
I have a heart and understand sh@t happens. Do something about it like we have to.. don't just stand there. I just hope I do not have to wait 180 days to get it like I had to when his regular check got intercepted. They have to wait a alooted time before relaseing it you. Which is a line of crap, since I have already been waiting for him to pay lol
Another comment
Ladies and gentalmen who take care of there children by payments or being the residenal parent . Bravo.. you know you value your children emotionally and finacally.
I personally learned along time ago not to think of child support as a way to pay monthly bills.
This is a mistake most people make.
You could not count on them when you were together so what makes you think you can now?
When I get a check it is like a surprise bonus or secret lottery win! lol ..that is how I look at it. If I waited for his check I would be living on the streets.
As far as the new wifes or girl friends. you should be mad at him or have concerns that he was not honest with you by not disclosing his debt. You should also be concerned that he does not value or take care of his own child. Remmeber there is always to sides of the story. It really does NOT matter how or why they broke up. The CHILD should not suffer in any way due to adults.
You should also be concerned if you have a child with him , you could be the next single mom waiting for some help from him.
**Do you really think anyone expects to get divorced or that he/she would not help with there own child?
Ok here's my situation. I have my taxes taken for child support. I'm a mother of 3. My daughter is the one who gets child support taken from my taxes and for the most part I dont mind . HOWEVER. I think its bullshit. Not that she's getting the money but how its being used and the situation in which she ended up living with her father.
Oh here we go. About 4 years ago my daughters father developed a horrible heroine addiction and decided to check himself into rehab but had a 3 day wait, well he went into serious withdrawl and the hospital called his mother cause apparently she was his emergency contact. Well his mother came up here from 300 miles away where she lives and picked him up and grabbed my daughter and "promised" that she would bring her back at the end of summer. Well lo and behold she didnt bring her back and used intimidating tactics to make me feel that I was in the wrong and my daughter was better off down there. I know I should have just called her BS and got my daughter but at that point she decided she wanted to say with her daddy. Well I drive all the way to where they live with his mom and aunt and pick my daughter up. No one will meet me half way. I am a stay at home mom and I just recently remarried this past year. I am raising my son from a previous marriage and my current husband and I have an infant. I dont get child support from my sons father as he passed away last year. The buerau of child support where my daughter is keeps adding more and more money to back support and is taking my rebate check and my tax refunds but there was NEVER any court date to appoint my daughters father as the custodial parent. Oh and about how they use the money down there. They buy frivoulus things and are going to let her spend 2 grand of the child support I pay to go swim with dolphins. I think thats rediculous. I pay for her school clothes (I personally take her shopping) I send money for school trips. I put her on my health insurance thru my husband and they turned their noses to it saying that she gets medicaide so they dont need our insurance. Is that even legal? I guess I'm just sick of feeling like they're spending her support on things that aren't helping her while I am barely scraping by with my own bills with my husbands income. I know it would be easy to say that I should just get a job but with what daycare costs I really wouldn't be making any more money. I adore my daughter and visa versa and I see her as often as I can afford to drive all that way and pick her up and bring her home for a week here and a weekend there. I am an involved parent.
I am a bit confused.
My ex dead beat owes us over 20k still. I have only recently started to recieve child support since August because he is another of the state hoppers that worked for quite a long time under the table. I think the judge scared him the last time he was finally caught (yet again) because he is all of the sudden paying.
What ever reason …I got his tax refund. The last two digits of his social security code is 61. When do I see his stimulus check? I cannot check the website because I do not know when and how he filed.
My daughter has never even met him and she is almost 10 this year.
I have my child support direct deposited into a Mastercard scheme (Florida). I know I should get it but when?? If he did not owe child support it would have gone directly into his bank account May 9th. But since I am getting it, when is it being sent?
I personally do not get a stimulus check, and not because I sit on my rear all day but because I no longer live in the states. I moved to England where yes I work 50 plus hours a week and pay all kinds of lovely taxes here yet cannot claim my daughter for several more months because of our visa's. Calling Child Support can be a nightmare, waiting in a queu for sometimes 40 minutes plus. SO without any more whining…can someone point me in the right direction to where it states how and when stimulus for back child support will be sent out?
Ti,
There is really no good way to tell when/if you'll get his stimulus payment. There are so many factors involved.
People who HAVE all the tax information and forms are finding it difficult to get this information.
If I find any more resources or information, I'll certainly post it on this site.
Thanks
Ti:
In response to your question, the government will intercept his stimulus payment because he owes you back child support. When it is intercepted, they must send a notice to your ex letting him know that it has been intercepted. He has 30 days to provide a valid reason why it should not be intercepted (which, of course, he has none). You will probably receive it within 60 days of May 9th or when it was issued to your ex-husband.
Thank you. I braved calling the Internal Revenue Service and the girl whom I spoke to (that barely had a grasp of the english language) was not familiar with the stimulus at all. I had to explain to her what it was!
Rather appalling when you call a government agency.
Needless to say, she was not very helpful at all. If I had a picture of her I would bubble above her head a large question mark! What a ditz!
I guess I should not be spending money that I am not sure I am going to get huh??!!
Sadly though, patience is not one of my virtues.
Total BS…thats what the interception of the stimulus check is….its not enough that I have to live on scraps because most of my money goes to child support. Its also not enough that my entire tax return gets intercepted and sent to a the mother of two children that I have absolutely nothing to do with other than financially of course(how the hell am I supposed to see them when they live in Florida and I cant even afford the freaking gas to get to work let alone fly down there from PA where I live or fly them up here). Now this stimulus check which I was hoping could get me some new clothes and such which I cant afford to do on my regular salary, is also getting intercepted….thats just great. Thanks alot to all the parties involved in keeping me living a life of poverty and not allowing me even a little bit of extra money for ANYTHING…I hope you all burn in hell.
Such bitterness.
And here are mothers struggling to just keep a roof over their head and some kind of decent food in their kids belly, walking most places because we cannot afford the gas for the car nor the insurance or repairs to even keep it running.. and finally…FINALLY gets something to help raise the child(ren) and NOT recieving Gov help.
Don't want kids?
Get snipped.
Don't want the financial burden of paying for something you CHOSE to not see or take care of?
Then invest in condoms.
Or better yet, learn the meaning of celibacy.
I have no remorse or pity for you.
I never wanted children, but I am a mom. I would not trade my daughter for the world. I love her unconditionally. I just pity her because one day she will want to meet the dead beat who helped create her. I do not regret my child, I regret her father who cannot grow up.
Stop your whining.
And just a fyi..I worked all through the pregnancy, I worked two weeks in labour, and I went back to work against medical advice as soon as I was able so that I would not have to rely on anyone else to help me.
I went without for years. Now I am able to give to my daughter things she did not have growing up.
If your kids who you cannot see mean anything to you, maybe you should think about moving closer to them, get a real job instewad of flipping burgers and become the dad you should be and not regret when they are older wiser and full of bitterness because dad was not there to see them play soccer or go to their dance recitals.
Noone told you to live in poverty, that is the life YOU choose to live.
I feel its unfair if a couple (only one is owning back child support) to split the stimulus check right down the middle. That is essence means that I am not getting credit for a stimulus myself or one of my own kids is not. He is only entitled to 300.00 (alone) not the total 600.00 (half) that they are offsetting. What the heck is up with that? I'm all for supporting children…but at the expense of whom.
I am a single mother of three children. I have always worked. I have ALWAYS provided for my children. I pay a high price for a 4 bedroom home so they can have there own rooms. I maintain insurance on them, even when I put myself through college a few years back (I worked double shifts on the weekends they were with my ex to pay the bills and went to school full-time.)
My ex ends up being behind every year for one reason or another. He isn't what I would call a dead beat as he does care about the kids. But, you know what, he owes me the money per court order. I support the kids even when I am sick, or my car breaks. I would love to take a vacation but first I have to pay school fees, clothes, activities, etc.. I am sitting in front of my computer today, my day off work, instead of doing something relaxing for me because this morning I sent my last $10 with my son on his feild trip.
I fight with utility people if my pay date lands wrong. I get very creative with meals when a child support check doesn't show or is late. And, yet, he takes the kids out to eat when he sees them.
He is the fun one, I am the responsible one.
So, all you whiny deadbeats (men and women both).. KNOCK IT OFF AND THINK OF THE KIDS. That's what I do EVERYDAY (and not just when I have to fork out money for them which usually is everyday.
Statistics are now showing that this stimulus rebate will be able to collect from deadbeat parents approximately 750 million dollars. And that thats estimated at only 38%. Pretty sad isnt it. So, I say if some people are crying and whining because they cant get new clothes because their check is being garnished for back child support, then its their own fault for not keeping payments on time. Sure things happen, but you can do something about it. Did they? Probably not. Just chose not to make the payments. I ask those deadbeats who cant go out and buy themselves new clothes…How's it feel? Now you know exactly how your own children feel.
I must say. I am a mother who lost custody of my kids and my x got them. two wonderful boys. I got behind on child support cause life just got hard and i admit i made some mistakes. But i am now back on track and have been for almost four years. I pay child support But my x lied about how much i owed him. To those who pay child support make them go through the court system because a money order is just a gift to a deceatful x. what should have been 8,000 dollars turned into 11,000 cause he told the courts i didnt pay anything. But i dont mind them getting my tax refund cause i wanna get this crazy man paid up but I believe the stimulus should go to those who are atleast trying to get caught up on child support. i pay every week and they get my tax refund. Do people that pay child support really have any rights at all. I dont mind paying the money even though i know my kids never see it. I know this because i do talk with them. But Gosh give us a break. Its about to drive me to drinking agian and i have been sobor for almost four years.
As I have explained to my daughter, child support is that…to support the child. It pays the rent the gas the electricity the food her clothes the water the laundry soap the shampoo she uses the field trips in school and the thousands of other things that I pay out. Only if there is any left over does she get it. And that was rare. Now that I have married its a whole new ball game. But it does not erase the fact that before I married, she and I lived below poverty level with no help from anyone and not one dime of child support.
I would still love to know what is up with the stimulus check which is what the blog was started for. And calling IRS seems to be of no help because the non english speaking girl had never heard of the stimulus before.
well, my ex is almost 9000 behind in support, in just a 5 year period. We get his tax returns, or a chunk of money, and then we get nothing for months. We have 2 kids together and he was suppose to pay 100 a week but now its 120 because hes behind, plus the arrears that he owes. our kids are 4 and 6 and i doubt that hell ever catch up. Hes gotton better about things in the last year or so but no where where he needs to be. Im just luck that 4 1/2 years ago I married someone who makes enough that i dont have to work, were by no means wealthy but we get by and we just had our 4th baby (total) a few weeks ago. My ex on the other hand is single w/ no other kids other than ours.
For all those who have married people who owe a debt to the support of their children, stop complaining! When you marry someone, you marry their debts and obligations. If you don't like the situation that puts you in, you don't get married. If your spouse can not pay his/her car payment, do you not help pay that debt? If a stimulus payment goes to the support of your children GREAT!! What is more important then that? If you are out of work and can't pay child support and the stimulus check goes to the support of your children GREAT! That's one less bill you have to worry about. My wife and I do not receive child support, (she has 3 from another marriage and I have 1) and I SUPPORT all of them. SUCK IT UP PEOPLE! TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS FIRST!!
Okay… I have done so well not to stereotype but since everyone is still stereotyping the people who chose love over money, I just might get into the people who look at their children as a way to get a free meal ticket.
But first, I will repeat my original point, so nobody can miss it. Child support SHOULD be for the children. Guess what… it't not! How could I say such a thing? Because my husband pays (arrears) for his daughter WHO LIVES WITH US!!!!! Her mother… she gets off scott free. Know why? Cause she doesn't work, has no intentions of working because welfare gives her free money, and more importantly because since she has chosen not to be a part of her daughters life… she doesn't have to be in my husbands eyes. That includes covering the child support that social services stuck HIM with while he spent 5 years incarcerated (and his mother took care of this child.)
While he was incarcerated, they could have gone after the mother to pay the welfare tab… but she didn't work then so the judge let her walk. (Incarceration is considered INVOLUNTARY UNEMPLOYMENT, resulting in a 5 year debt of over 10,000 which is ALMOST paid up now. Apparently sitting on your ass collecting welfare isn't considered involuntary unemployment. Whatever.)
Just wait, cause I'm not done yet. So we manage to support a child whom we are also paying child support for. Yes, it is hard to raise a child, and it is expensive. Extra money would be nice, paying that extra money is always something worth bitching about because nobody can afford to lose that much every week. We are ALL just trying to make it by on what we have!
My NEXT point is that for 9 months, we supported ANOTHER one of my husbands daughters while he was forced to continue paying child support to her mother because if he even thought about contacting a court to change the order, she would take her daughter back and we would rather have her living with us where she is taken care of and raised properly than… with her mother where she isn't. So, he was 'bribing' her with that $100 weekly payment just to be able to HAVE his daughter.
When you are supporting 3 children (yes, I have a son with him as well. He is a wonderful father!) AND PAYING over $100 a week, THEN you know what the child support system is really about. I can tell you first hand it is not there to benefit the children.
His youngest daughter went back to her mother, after I convinced him to try to change the support order. The fact that he was paying her every week for 9 months while the child lived with us meant nothing to the judge when the pissed off mother decided to take physical custody back, deny him visitation, AND have support increased.
So… yes, I knew all of this before I married him. I didn't marry him because he hasm oney, and I didn't not marry him because he has support obligations (if that's what you want to call it).
Not every situation is like ours. There are deadbeat dads out there, and there are deadbeat moms too.
Now… for all you mothers who abuse this system, you can deny it until you are blue in the face but you know who you are. Your child is your child,not bait or cause for easy money. Try to put yourself in the other persons shoes before declaring that you "deserve $100/week" for your troubles.
If for any reason my hubby and I didn't work out… I would gladly share custody with him because he is a good DAD and that's all I want from him for my son. Not money.
Honestly, if he WEREN'T a good father, I wouln't want anything from him. Money doesn't fix things.
Not all mothers struggling out there are dead beats. My daughters sperm donour left me after being with him for four years. I told him to grow up before his child was born and to get a real job and stop sponging off me. He left. And to show me…he disappeared. The courts went after him time and time again and only smacked his wrist and said bad little boy you should pay…which his response was to go to a new state and hide there.
For 8 years of my daughters life I worked and did not get gov help. Now I am married and no longer need the money. But once you live that life you never forget. I have no problem at all taking his money. I can actually afford to have some cut my hair and do my nails if I so wish it instead of doing my own.
So do not point the finger at ALL the moms and say we abuse the system. (Or dads for that matter) That extra hundred a week you are griping about would have meant we would have actual real food instead of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cereal and any other super cheap food I could afford for breakfast lunch AND dinner. I could actually buy her shoes and clothes brand new instead of charity shop or (shudder) kmart AND …take her to the movies like all the other kids get to but we cant afford to to see her favorite movies (Harry Potter).
My child is not bait.
She is my life.
And that still does not answer the question.
When will we get the child support stimulus?
Caryn,
Well since your husband chosse to break the law and go to JAIL for 5 years…he chosse to owe child support. I know for myself I have never been on welfare or any other social service I take care of my boys solely on my income from 2 JOBS. I go to college full time as well….So maybe you should be upset with your current husband for going to jail and putting you in dedt if he never dicloused that info before the marriage. I understand that the child lives with you NOW…but then the child lived with her mother…What part of that can't you grip? Child support is child support .Just because the actual check if any is rec'd and does not go into the hands of the child does not mean it does not provide for the child. Get a grip
another comment. I heard you say bait ..Can any one of you people tell me who can live off of 100 a week… Get a grip lady. I bust my butt for 3000 a month and times are tight for me. 100 a week lol.. thats less than I pay in daycare. Not to mention my sons 5 meds, karatee class, base ball tution, oh clothes, food,field trips,birthdays.. Do you really think the custodal parent is living large off of a 100 check most of the time we don't get? You mentioned more than one child… I think 100 a week for 2-3 kids is a joke…So like I said before.. I don't depend on his check..if I get one (about every 3-6 months for 160.00) I feel like I won a scatch off.
Okay, apparently nobody actually pays attention. It's called SELECTIVE attention.
1.) I did not say that EVERY mother uses their child as bait. I said that thinking that way would be the same as treating every dad like they are a deadbeat dad. Stereotypes have bases, but they are not ALWAYS true.
Now… regarding my husband whom I did know spent time in jail, long before we changed from friends to dating to married… people make mistakes when they are young. I don't hold that against him and the fact that his daughter had to live with somebody else when he was in prison does not mean she lived with her mother. As I said before, her mother walked scott free with no responsibilities, while HIS mother raised his daughter. If you actually read what I wrote I made it very clear that while one of the parents should have been held responsible for the financial reimbursement to social services, the incarecerated was chosen over the welfare bum.
My 3rd point… $100 a week… if that's not enough for you then you are definitely on the recieving end because try being the one who pays $100 a week. Seriously. And, again, if you paid attention we were paying that while the daughter was in our custodial care.
Blah Blah… YOU made a CHOICe live with it!!
I do, proudly every day.
The same could be said for you as well.
OK. LET'S SEE HERE. IM A SINGLE FATHER WITH 2 CHILDREN AND PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR ANOTHER CHILD. NOW ABOUT THE STIMULUS CHECK. SHOULDNT MY CHILDREN THAT LIVE WITH ME RECEIVE SOME IF NOT PARTIAL AND THE OTHER GO TO THE BACK OWED CHILD SUPPORT. I DO HAVE TO FEED MY KIDS AND UNDERSTAND THAT SHE DOES TOO. I MAKE MY PAYMENTS ON TIME EVERY WEEK ABOUT 600$ A MONTH. WHY SHOULD MY KIDS GET SCREWED!
It's not about just anyone paying child support, it's about those who owe and dont bother to pay. Those that have done what all they can to avoid paying, those are the ones being sought after. As long as you are paying and not thousands in arrears, you have nothing to worry about. And even alot of those deadbeats will not have their checks garnished. Like mine for instance. I got 3 checks back in Nov./Dec. for $7.00 each, nothing since. If the family courts havent flagged them, then their stimulus and federal refunds wont be garnished.
if you are the custodial parent owed back child support and the non- custodial parent is self employed and dont file taxes will I get a stimulus payment for my children?and when?
If he doesnt file taxes, he cant get one. You need to file your federal taxes to qualify. If you worked and filed your fed. taxes by April 15th, then it would go by your filing whether or not you meet the requirements to be eligible.
felecia jones,
There is now way for the IRS to know about the non-custodial parent if he/she does not file a tax return. Hence, there will be no payment for that person.
I have been reading these comments, and I agree with most… I can understand the attitude, however, there are some crazy women out there that only want the money, they care more about the money than the kids. The money is used to get nails done, and to go out, they don't work, they live off other people. The dad wants to see his child, and she won't let him see the kid. The kid is the one who suffers. If someone is behind, then yes, they should be garnished, but I don't think that the whole thing should be taken. My husband's ex is crazy, and is very selfish. When that check comes to her, I can bet her nails are done and she goes out that weekend. Anyway, life isn't always fair.
Well, Here Goes!!!
I was injured from a car accident in 2000. Shortly after marrying a H.S. Teacher. She insisted I adopt her daughter. I did. Her Biological father had 1 visit of which he took her on a drug run with him at age 2. And he didn't want to pay any support. I was sure I was doing a mature, fatherly gesture. My injuries prevented me from finding work. Although I did find partial employment. The teacher I married, divorced me because, She wanted too, "Feel Young". I caught her getting drunk with her (minor) students. She divorced me. I was still too hurt of my car accident, so I got behind on support. I have given them my every tax refund since regaining work ability. I even went tax exempt on unemployment for 6 months while recuperating from an unrelated injury from a job of which I was fired for getting hurt on the job. I now make $90.00 a week unemployment. After child support and taxes. Haven't seen my daughter in nearly 2 years. Cannot afford gas to go search for her. (My exe has moved 5 times in under 2 years). I cannot afford an attorney. And now they took the stimulus check from me to top it all off. The only person that profits from this is an alcoholic EX that gets her Highschool students drunk. Yet I am treated like a deadbeat dad. Am I insane for thinking something is truely wrong about our childsupport system?
No, there is alot wrong with the system! I agree with that and I am not collecting or owed support. I am married to a man that does owe the support to another woman who has three children by three different dads! But yeah support is support…but for whom are those dads really supporting. Especially when the kid emails me and says she cant get the school supplies she needs because her Mom says they cant afford it. PLEASE! To all the women that have children with any man….you need to remember one thing: it was your choice to have that child! You gave birth, he didn't. There is nothing put in writing that says the father will help you pay for the kid for the next 18 years plus! The support is is forced by a court of law for the child, but they dont even look at anything before they do it either. I'm all for supporting your child, and the ones that can thats great the ones that can't..well they might need help of some sort before they get thrown in jail, license suspension etc that only hurts Everyone worse. Lets come up with a better system shall we. And all these women they just have babies to have them thinking he will be force to pay, then complain about it when he cannot. Just put yourself in there shoes once! Its not easy! They don't all live scott free!
I'll leave you with one final thought to ponder: What if the "Moms" were thrown in jail because they couldn't or chose not to pay all the credit card debts they have or owe!!!!!
A debt is a debt but sometimes it is impossible to get it paid. And for all those that thing your perfect…yeah, keep dreaming!
What I think is absolutely ridiculous is mine and my husbands taxes and now our stimulus money being given to his exwife because he is in arrears. He already pays $200 extra towards the arrears off every pay check and the government finds it necessary to take more. His paycheck, yeah I understand. But not our taxes and stimulus. Not the money we bust our rear ends for. Especially not when she is intentionally unemployed to maintain the highest possible child support. How is this possible? Especially when the arrears was calculated even though he was paying her child support every single month until the actual court ordered support. They considered the money he sent her monthly a 'gift'. How ignorant is our government really?
This is in reference to T who gave me a good fit of laughter this morning.
Lets begin the quotes..'it was your choice to have that child! You gave birth, he didn’t'. He had no part in it right? Innocent angel isn't he?
'A debt is a debt but sometimes it is impossible to get it paid. And for all those that thing your perfect…yeah, keep dreaming!'
I thing??
I am perfect?
No I do not THINK I am perfect. I do not think there is a perfect person anywhere in this world.
If your perfect man had kept up with being celibate then maybe he would not be in this bind now. Face it, your man is no angel. Why is he behind and having to lose his taxes and stimulus?
Wait…no please do not tell. I really could care less.
Let us not forget once more…this is child support…to support a child. Some of us custodial parents go for years without one red cent. I have no qualms about taking his tax money or stimulus to pay his 20k he is still in arrears over. For years I went without so that I could provide a roof over our head and food in my daughters belly. I bought clothes from second hand stores and we rarely went out to eat. And btw..I was working full time to pay off the bills he left me with. He was not some affair …he was a 4 year relationship.
When I get this money, I might go get my nails done with it…just because I can.
Jess- How can a man prove what he has paid as gifts and what he has paid as child support without it going through some official means? At least now you have proof positive what is paid. And you should file a injured spouse form to reclaim YOUR part of the tax and stimulus. Only his part goes to child support unless the child is also yours.
It STILL does not answer the question..when are the child support stimulus being sent out?
Bottom line if you are a parent who owes child support pay up. No ifs, ands, or buts. Rather your sick, healthy, or broke find a way to pay. Like most people are saying on this website when I am sick, injured, on unemployment, or diability I still have to feed, cloth, and take care of my kids so if taking your stimulus check or regualr tax refund is what is needed for us custodial parents to get are money that is rightfully ours then so be it.
There are a lot of mixed opinions on this site, and that's to be expected because there are parents who are benefiting and there are parents who are getting screwed over.
That's just how the child support system works though. Everyone has their own story, but not all stories are the same so it would be great if EVERYONE kept an open mind.
This includes mothers who are busting their butts and raising a kid on their own cause the absent father is a deadbeat. Pat yourself on the back if this is you, cause it is hard. You do deserve that money, but don't think that money fixes everything because it doesn't. Imagine those mothers who have to do it alone for a reason other than a deadbeat dad. (Dads in the military, or passed away, etc.) They don't get that 'free money' to 'reward them for their effort'. Parenting is difficult whether you are alone or doing it together. It is definitely expensive, but for those parents who think they deserve $100 a week just for doing it… I THINK you're going a little overboard!
I raise my son, no… I SPOIL my son with my own hard earned money, and I still don't spend $100 a week on him. Not to mention the older they get, the less you need to spend. So if you need somebody to help you pay your bills, why not go after the absent parent, just because you can?
Because that IS selfish! Everybody struggles financially!
As for having the taxes seized, in some cases it's appropiate but there are other cases where it just isn't. Read through all of these posts with an open mind and you'll see both sides, just like I'm saying.
As mentioned before in my own personal posts, child support has a system that OFTEN (not always) hurts the children more than benefits them. Case in point… try raising three children while at the same time paying support for two of those three children that you are trying to support… because that's how the system works.
Money sucks, end of story. We all like to get extra money but come on now people… if you would even think about using that CHILD SUPPORT money to GET YOUR NAILS DONE, obviously you don't really need it for your child that bad.
My favorite point was for those mothers out there… what would you do if you could lose your license or go to jail for an unpaid bill you can't afford?
All right. I've read through all comments and have an incredibly open mind.
My open mind tells me that Caryn, you may have a few screws loose. Money may not fix everything but it sure does help to pay the bills. And do you actually truly believe that $100 dollars a week is too much to ask?! Seriously?! Do the math sweetheart. Here's what I figure:
$50 a week f/a 3 bedroom rather than a one
$35 a week f/oil,would be included in my 1 bdr
$75 a week f/food(including snacks & juices f/school)
$45 dollars a week f/clothes/sneaks,underware,socks,etc
$30 a week extra f/insurance,(extra f/family plan)
$150 a week f/child care
Hmmmm…that's $385 a week now divide that by 2 and then add all the extras,sports equipment (football gear alone is $280)school pictures, haircuts, co-pays on top of insurance,glasses, braces, fun w/their friends, I could go on and on. Now tell me again how $100 a week is asking a bit much. And "Free money"?! Per above it's not exactly free money! Way you "spoiling your son" and not spending more than $100 a week, Gauranteed if you did the math you would find that you actually but may not feel it as much because of another income.
I understand being upset w/the system f/charging only your husband w/back child support & not the mother…that is unfair. They both brought the child into the world they should both be responsible for the child not only monitarily but emotionally. Then I read that they should have gotten the money from your husbands mother who cared for the child instead of allowing her to be thrown into the foster system.
Please also rethink this comment…
"My favorite point was for those mothers out there… what would you do if you could lose your license or go to jail for an unpaid bill you can't afford?"
Seriously?! The reason why that bill may have gone unpaid is because Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful neglects to pay child support and it was either the phone bill or food on the table.
I don't think anyone is specifically accusing all mothers or all fathers as "dead beats". Everyone here is voicing their own struggles & stories. The point does have to remain that children are the responsibility of both the mother and the father financially & emotionally no matter what the circumstances. There's no need to complain about paying child support it's what parents have to do to help support their children.
AMEN JESS
100.00 a week could( if I got it) pay for part of daycare. Look who ever is struggling on either end. Do what I do and make it happen for your self. Get a extra income( 2nd job) like I do from throwing Avon books in drive ways. AVON sells it self . I can pull 200-300 ever two weeks for selling Avon to co workers, strangers, neighbors, friend. Do not depend on her/him to make your life and the kids life livable. Take control of your LIFE. Send your payment( any amount is a start) with a card to your kid. Let them know you love them, and you are trying to take care of your resposibilty as a loving parent. $$$ is NOT everything , but it is NEEDED to take care of a child.
MEN CAN and do SELL AVON.. One of our highest MEN reps makes 2000 every two weeks!!!!
you can find out more at http://www.youravon.com/rchaloune
Those of us waiting for this check.. be advised the department or Revenue will hold it for 180 days just like the tax refund money.
Have a wonderful Day
I'v been married for 8 years and it seems like we have gotten most of our refund checks taken away. I used to be okay with it because it's money owed to the other child/parent but after 7 years I decided to file an injured spouse form. I simply told him that I had bills to pay of my own and that his backpay is and always has been his responsibility. The refund is all mine baby! The Injured spouse form can be a way to motivate your spouse to realize what the situation is, they need to step it up a knotch cuz it's not going away and we have other responsibilities besides the other child that just so happens to not even be in our life!!
Dear Kate
You are correct! The spouse of the person who owes back pay can send a form so that THERE share is not intercepted. The rest that is not the ( innocent)spouses goes to back pay owed child support.
I agree that it is not fair for the other person to have to pay someones elses debt.
Have a wonderful day
I am single mother of two boys who father does not do anything for them.The court ordered him to pay $148.00 a month for two.What can I possible do with $148.00 a month for two boys.Teenagers for that matter.He don't do anything for them besides that.My boys have been trying to get me to get them a pool for the summer.I really can't afford it.So when they said, if the father owes back child support you might get his stimulus check I was happy because this year I will definately get them a pool.I was paused because every year since 1998 there father has filled his taxes but I never received his refund to cover his back child support owed to them.Now I am paused again hoping and praying that I will get his stimulus check.Do anyone know if you don't receive his tax refund will you be able to recieve his stimulus payment.Yes, I am eligible to get the minimum amount for us but you know, school time is coming back up and I have to get school clothes and supplies for them. So if anyone know if they can get there father stimulus payment even if I didn't receive his tax refund.
Thank You!
Rena
I am not certain what state you are in but if he is in arrears you should have recieved his tax refund as well as his stimulus. What you must do is contact dept of family and children or whomever it is he goes through to pay you the child support. I am from Florida and the IRS Dept of child support enforcement is who takes care of mine. All I have to do is call them when payments are deliquent and BAM he is arrested and money starts again. Sometimes the custodial parent is put on their back burner so you need to call and remind them. I know how expensive teenagers can be.
And to Caryn, I am now married and do not struggle like I did before. The reason I said 'When I get this money, I might go get my nails done with it…just because I can.'
That is called sarcasm. I do not need to have my hair nor my nails done. BUT if I so desired to…then I will. Its none of my ex dead beats business where the money goes, as long as the child is looked after and well taken care of. I am sorry you struggle to pay for your husbands previous life. But sadly I have no pity for him. He should not have become deliquent in his payments. No excuse. His kids cannot be put on a shelf and taken down and fed and clothed when ever he cared enough to pay.
The government just took the Tax Stimulus Check. Well, all but $201 of it…
Oh, people, how about this one…yes, I was dumb enough to marry a guy with 3 kids that live with his ex. My heart cried (notice the past tense – we are divorced) when he was never allowed to see his children, call or email them. She moved out of state.
I was due $600 per adult, with $300 for my one daughter that lives with me, for a total of $1500 – of which rightly, $900 was mine and $600 should have been his. I got $201 in the mail today because my EX-HUSBAND owed child support!
I did not get any letter saying I could claim innocent spouse or whatever. We filed married, joint for 2007. We divorced in March 2008.
My ex is not a deadbeat dad. He got laid off from his $16 an hour job last September. He has no money to get his child support adjusted via an attorney. He just got a job part time, supposed to go to full time, 3 weeks ago. All this time he delivered pizza's, mowed lawns,whatever to not get behind. He pays $666 a month.
One of the reasons I divorced him is that I would not let MY ASSETS be taken by the government. I knew the tax stimulus would be taken. I know my car will be taken if we are married. I know my house will get a lien on it if I am married to him.
The Texas Attorney General's office knows no limits. They even admit that even if a noncustodial parent is DEAD, then they claim that is NO reason to not pay your child support.
I've had enough of the child support system. All they do is beat people over the head. And, yes, by the way, I collect a little child support for my child. But, I don't really need it as I make almost 6 figures a year. When my ex fell behind on his obligation, I was told by the AG to "adjust my budget."
Thank you, government, for yet another socially imposed divorce!
Well here it goes, I went onto this website to find out if I am entitled to both of my ex's refunds they may recieve. Well the first owe's me nearly 80,000 yes ladies and gentalmen I did say 80,000. While he only paid one year of child support when she was three.Now mind you he lives somewhere in Memphis and the DA's office in California is handleing the case. They have problems because I currently live in New York City. So I am stuck raising my daughter on my own by the way she is now 14 and he doesn't contact here either. I also have a second ex who also has not had any contact with my daugter who is 8 now, but he also owes me back child support to the tune of 10,000 and he also works under the table as does my first ex.I just want them to pay up I will take care of the rest when it comes to raising them.I just wished that they would help out with support both of my girls need braces and it is coming soon but I can't get them on anything. My first ex hasen't filed taxes since about 1997 and the second I think is using a different name, if he even filed at all. But I hope that I do recieve something soon as it will help out just a little.
I think if you are currently paying child support and you are paying the extra 20% to get the back child support made up I think you should still get your stimulus payment. If you are not paying anything and they take it well thats totally fair.
Punish the dead beats that don't or haven't paid anything, not the ones who are actually paying that got a bit behind because of being out of work for awhile or because the women waited to file for awhile and socked you with back support. The whole system is flawed, but there are a lot of guys who totally screw their ex and ultimately their kids; my girlfriends kids dad owes around 20,000, but here the kicker, he didn't file taxes last year because he worked under the table for cash, so she won't get anything from him. So all you mothers that think you will get this payment; think twice if your ex works for cash and doesnt' file taxes.
Talk about unfair. I am pretty much a single mother of 3 children. I am now living with my bf of 2 years and have full custody of my children. 2 years ago my ex husband took me back to court because he didnt like the amount he paid for child support. I potentially lost $200 a month for child support and they gave him 1 child to claim on taxes every year and 2 every other year even though in the last 5 years he hasnt spent more than 15 days with them. Last year he remarried so on this years taxes he got one hell of a rebate claiming married and 2 children he doesnt see. Whats bad is I am owed back child support and didnt see a damn nickel of that check. Now he will be getting $1800 for his stimulus check that he doesnt need and I probly wont see that either. Its not fair at all. I will only be getting $600 total because I have a low income and will only be getting $300 for one child. I am not happy at all. This is just bs. So here I am a low income single mother and the stimulus checks are supposed to be there to help us and mine is already spent on past due bills. This sucks. I cant give my children anything they need so thier useless father gets to benifit from being a damn sperm donar and by himslf expensive toys and clothes. Totally unfair. Dont know why they call it a justice system whan justice seems to never be served in the correct manner.
Kandi
If he only has the kids 15 days out of a year he can't claim them. The tax law is clear that a child MUST live 6 months in a home to be claimed. You need to go to your local legal aide and have that reversed. You also need to contact the IRS. It is not legal to claim a child as a dependent if they do not spend time in your home. Federal laws over throw state order's when it comes to taxes.
Kandi
I do not know what state you are in but what that judge has set up is illegal in all 50 states. You need to contact legal aid and show them everything you have said here. Noone can claim a child that does not live under their roof for over 6 months of the year. This is what is wrong with the justice system…it can work…but it works for people that MAKE it work for THEM.
Get off your backside and instead of sitting there with the pity me act….get it changed!! Do not get me wrong gf, I feel for you…but unless YOU do something about it …it will just stay the way it is.
Do you go through the Dept of Children and Family/IRS child support unit of your state? It may be lucrative to find out who this judge was, and see who can be for the children not the deadbeat as this POS judge obviously has done.
Good Luck!
Q. I'm eligible for a payment but I still owe federal income tax from a prior year. Will my payment be reduced?
A. Yes. For this purpose, the stimulus payment is treated like any other tax refund. This means that part or all of your payment can be used to pay past-due federal or state income taxes or non-tax federal debt such as student loans and child support.
THIS WAS TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM THE IRS FAQ SITE REGARDING THE STIULUS CHECKS
Kandi Tolzien,
If you are owed child support, the IRS is supposed to withhold the money from his stimulus check AND any tax refund he may have received.
You are entitled to that money.
It is really a sick world we live in. My husband was out of his son's life for two years. When he was a very young child. He ended up with back child support. When my step son was a teen, he ended up being with us full time in another state. My husband still had the back child support over his head. The thing is, we paid for everything for his son for three years. His mom did not pay for a thing. Lets just say that a teen cost a hell of a lot more then a young child. Now my step son is 20. Lives with us, pays rent, but we still feed him and give him extra money when he needs it. Then the IRS and Child Support has the nerve to say she is going to get all our money. This is disgusting. They are stealing money from my six year old for a 20 year old and his mom that if anything should owe us a hell of a lot of money. This is sick.
That is about the same thing my husband is going through. I sympathize for you and your husband both, because this is an example of how the system is flawed.
It DOES NOT do anything for the children… and in almost every case it is more beneficial to the mother. I have an 18 month old and a new one due any day now, and I most certainly would never need $120 a week from their father if I ever decided we weren't making it as a couple. All I would want from him is what really matters, to be there are a dad.
Now I'm not saying helping financially isn't important as well, but being realistic about that for each individual situation should be more important to the family laws. Sadly, every case is treated the same way.
I won't bother explaining our situation again because it is so often misunderstood… but I will say my husband pays out the butt for his 2 OTHER children (one to welfare, where the mother gets off scott free, the other TO the mother as an out of court agreement allowing him to let their daughter live with us and be supported by us as long as he pays her too.)
So, we're supporting 4 kids AND paying support. And our taxes are taken. Go figure.
Okay I can vouch for both sides of these stories. I have an ex that wanted to pay child support when he felt like it. But I always gave him visitation. I worked two jobs and lived with my parents (owed lots of bills he left me with when he deserted us) until I could afford a place of my own. All I ever asked was for him to pay the measly $200 a MONTH he owed. He even told a judge my parents could help support his child since he had a new family. But when he remarried (for the 2nd time) and stopped paying child support regularly (mind you he never really paid it regularly), then I gave him 6 months to start doing so or I was going to the State. He ignored me and I did so. I had taken him to court 2 years before and had a wage order. He was furious when I started garnishing his wages and taking his tax returns. He owed almost 10K in arrearage. He stopped paying totally when I remarried.
Then he changed his taxes and for 2 years I got nothing from that end but he was still paying CS because DHS took it. He also took our daughter (who was 14 at the time) for visitation and refused to return her. I had to take him to court. This time I finally won. Had taken him to court 4 times for child support and insurance. He had been found in contempt 3 times and they did NOTHING to him. This time he wound up paying out over $4,000. Our daughter is now 16 and will hardly talk to him because of the way he treated her, but thanks to DHS I still that money every month that makes sure she has clothes, shoes and food.
Now I have a friend who is married to a guy with 3 kids and he paid his ex in cash (in front of his mother) and when she died his ex took him to court and claimed he never paid all that support. So now she doesn't hardly work and gets all those payments again. The system doesn't always work.
Who knows if I will get a refund this year again from him (maybe since he wants that stimulus payment I will). Good luck to all of you trying to get back CS. Maybe the sytem will finally work for you.
This conversation disturbs me on my many levels. Both sides have issues that are personal and specific to them and each side has the right to be upset with the "system". However, without creating a new organization with new rules and new administration (and who would pay for that? YOU, in higher taxes) this is really the best solution to be had. How can the IRS take every single case into consideration? It would be 20 years from today before they were all resolved and appealed and resolved again.
Lets all remember that there are literally millions of children who are benefitting from the current laws. No system is perfect, innocent people go to jail for crimes they didn't comit too, but the greatest possible good is served under the current laws.
I sympathize with everyone who has had a bad experience on either side of the system, but I think the bigger picture is more important. If every dad was a deadbeat dad and every mom was a trailer trash drug addict, then child support is the LEAST of our worries in this nation.
If you don't get your stimulus check…move on. It was money you didn't have anyway. If you get money from a stimulus check that isn't yours for child support, be thankful and appreciative.
Children come first and no argument, no personal issues, no inocent spouse laws and no dollar amount can EVER equal the vaule of a child.
my story is a little different I have a son who decided he wanted to be the parent of the house. I would work and pay the bills and put the Jordans on his feet and Sean John on his back. Anyway to make a long story short he lied and told a counselor at his school that he had been abused. So here comes Child Protective Services and took my children that were in school into custody. I was at work when I found out the dreadful news. So the next day I got a call that said I could pick my kids up the allegations were unfounded. So what i did was go right down there and my pick up my kids EXCEPT the one son who had created all this madness.As a mother I felt so hurt how could one child put your whole family at risk.
So to get to the point; of course CPS promised me all this help for my out of control son. I did not know by excepting the help that meant a CPS case would be open and I would have to go to court. NOW I HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT DONT GET ME WRONG I AM A SINGLE MOTHER WITH 3 OTHER KIDS IN THE HOME. I WORK 2 JOBS JUST TO GET BY. NOW THAT IM PAYING CHILD SUPPORT FOR MY SON THAT IS IN THE SYSTEM ITs KILLING ME TO SEE MY OTHER KIDS SUFFER BECAUSE THEIR BROTHER WANTED TO DO WHAT HE WANTED TO DO. I COULD GO ON AND ON BUT ILL JUST LEAVE THAT FOR MY THERAPIST. I WENT ON DISABILITY THIS PASS MONTH FOR THE STRESS OF MY LIFE. MY MONTHLY CHILD SUPPORT IS 295 A MONTH PLUS THE 380 DOLLARS FOR THE MEDICAL. CHILD SUPPORT
TOOK THIS MUCH MONEY FROM ME JUST IN MAY
90,152,190, AND MY TAX STIMULAS 297 DOLLARS FOR BACK PAY EVEN THOUGH I HAD AN AGREEMENT TO PAY 25 A MONTH UNTIL THE BACK CHILD SUPPORT WAS DONE SO ALL IN I PAID CHILD SUPPORT $$$729$$$ AND WHOS GONNA FEED MY OTHER KIDS AND PAY MY RENT.
IM GOING TO FIGHT BACK THERES THREE THINGS WOMEN DONT STAND FOR MESSNG WITH HER KIDS,MONEY AND HER MAN
WATCH CHILD SUPPORT HERE I COME
You know what there is never a good reason to take money from one child to pay for another. It is never right to take money form one family that has every right to it and give it to another. You can sit here all day and try and make it sound right but ITS NOT!!!! If you can't take the time to look at every case and do IT THE RIGHT WAY…. it should not be done. I worked for my money and I have every right to it. So does my daughter.
To J. Cole you can sit back until you are blue in the face and try and make it souund ok to steal money from one family to help another but it is still very wrong. In my case we had my step son for years and his mom paid nothing and we still put out more money on him. Child support allowed this and told us it would take to long to do anything about it. Talk about taking SIDES. There should be a law against this type of thing…ok….wait …. there is. I know you can't steal from stores or the goverment… but its ok for Child support to steal form you. SICK!!!!
One more thing, lets get down for a min… Do you really think that all this money is really going to the kids. Sure funny that a lot of the families that collect on child support have two working parents that make a lot of money, live in great houses and have sports cars. They are doing fine. They don't need the money from another hard working family. Sure sad you can make money off your kids…
Now for the hard working single moms and dads out there that support there kids on there own I do feel for you and for the dead beat parents out there you don't deserve your tax money.
The thing is there is a equel amount of people out there that see their kids and do everything they can for them but also have another family and kids to care for.
Its pretty hard to have kids and have to care for all their needs and then have another kid that you have 49/50 percent of the time and have to pay extra to the mom and have to pay for everything when you have the kid. You end up spending more then if you had the child full time.
Child support takes sides. Before we had my step son live with us we had him 50 percent of the time. Sorry Child support parents in the real world can have a child 50/50. Then what happens when said child wants to be with you more, if you love the child you allow it. Then you end up paying more. When you look at this picture do you really think it right to give the mom money for child support or should it really go to the faily that does all the work.
Okay Guys,
I've read all of your comments and I can truly say I understand both sides. I was married for almost 10 years to a man that paid child support for 2 children(2 different moms). My ex and I have 4 children. While I was pregnant with my (now 5-year old twins), the A.G. office decides to honor a modification request to his son's mom. His first case was done by private attorney so this case was not taken into consideration whe she was granted an increase. Unfortunately, he chose not to go to court, so of course this increase was more favorable to his soon than the law should allow.
God has always blessed me with the necessary skills to obtain jobs that pay very well. So I rarely missed the moneys that were going out of the house. Because I did realize that he is responsible for taking care of his children.
Now almost 6 years later, I am in those horrible shoes. He is a sub-contractor for a vending company, so he is able to send Child Support at his discretion. We went back to court on April and since to two older children are over 18, I was granted a modification(increase woo-hoo). He was behind on the $500(yes $500/month for 4 kids). Now they expect him to pay $900. I don't see it. I do make sure he is very active in there lives physically. I give all football game schedules, I inform him of all track meets, all school plays pre k graduations, birthday parties and other events. Because I do realize that my babies love him and I want him to be there as much as he can. I make sure I call and remind his wife because I realize that he forgets alot of stuff.
So I don't sell my babies, I don't use them as bait. And part of the latest order has back medical and arrears included. But if we get the stimulus check that he gets some of his back medical and arrears out of the way. I think my babies do deserve his part of the stimulus check.
His wife did say, she knows that his child support has to be paid; I just don't think she realized he was so behind.
I applaud her and her efforts because he still has some of those same issues he had when we were married. So if she can live with him and help him pay his child support, I tip my hat to her.
Rachael:
I applaud YOU for continuing to provide schedules and "allowing" him to be a dad. That is something that nobody should have to pay for… but I am so weary of trying to explain myself on this one because I do think he should pay a fair share of his financial obligations as a parent rather than sticking you with all of the bills. I am sorry that he hasn't… but you have my full respect for not holding that over his head and denying him (or, more importantly, your children) his presence as a parent.
When it comes down to it, between paying and presence… I think that presence is far more important so it makes me sick to see the noncustodial parent be denied simply because they can't afford to pay what the sytem sets as fair. (This too is controversial.)
I understand this site is more for the stimulus check and yet it has turned into more of a discussion about the fairness of child support… but believe me I just wantr somewhere to vent about this system because I see absolutely no hope for those fathers out there who are treated like deadbeatsa no matter what they do. I've said it before and I'll say it again, when a man is supporting 4 children, and at the same time
(1)manipulated by the mother of one to continue paying her over $100 a week in order to keep physical custody of their daughter and
(2) paying arrears for his oldest daughter over a situation in which case it should be the mother, and not him, who should have paid this bill.
But you know what, he does this all with a smile on his face because he gets to see his kids and it literally breaks my heart to see how the judges STILL treat him like a dirtbag when everything he does, he does for his kids.
You know how many jobs he has lost just because he can't afford the gas to get to work?! Yes his taxes get taken too, and that sucks, and the trying to get our bills paid and feeding our kids is the roughest part of all… so I have every reason to hate the system THE WAY IT IS and to think it needs to change… so it's discussions like this where I just want to vent.
But for mothers like Rachael, thank you for doing what you can to include him in your childrens life. If he doesn't show up, that's his loss but when parents deny presence… that's where one of the many problems begin!
I'm a 44y.o man who has been paying CSupport since 1995. I've gotten behind some. For the past 3-4 years the IRS has been taking my returns. this year they took about 1500.00. Here's the kicker,I ordered a DNA test over the internet. The results say he 's not mine. I go to court next month, also my stimulus check is due then.Will the IRS/Child support snatch that? The DNA is not court admissible!What can I do ,since attorneys want $2k to handle the case.Now if I present this DNA to the judge,will I be reinstated for all the 14plus years of support?
DXL,
Sounds like you need a good lawyer.
DXL
Depends, If you signed the birth Certificate, you are screwed. I had a friend who that happened to. Even with the DNA clearly says he was not the father he was legally bound until age 18. I am not sure I would base my findings on a interent DNA test. What made you do that anyways? Do you see your child? Always know that it takes a father to raise a child, anyone can produce a child. If it is not your biological child it would be devistating to the child and if you are a good father it would devistate you as well. I personally would not wantto find out… 1995 means that child is at least 12. If you are in his life you are the father.
Apparently, I am also one of those stupid women who married a man who already had a child. I did not realize that you're not supposed to fall in love with & marry those type of men. It's just too bad I haven't been able to find a decent man who hasn't already had kids…
Our income tax returns have always been given to his ex. even though she is much better off than we. So, after his being thrown in jail just before our wedding (boy, was I worried then!), his ex getting away with keeping his son from him, him being treated like a criminal in the courts & by the system, almost losing our house several times, and seeing his ex and his son living it up in a nice home, going to a good school, going on cruises/vacations, and anything he could possibly want or need while my own children live in squalor, I am done.
I now have decided not to love my husband. I want to be part of his ex-wive's club. They get treated much better.
After realizing that my children, because they were born after his son, don't matter in the eyes of the courts & the system – I have had enough. How dare they treat me & my children that way? They are the most precious thing in the world to me. To see his son get everything, then come over to our house & eat our food & sit on my computer & sleep on my furniture, while his mother gets money from every one of my husband's checks – taking away from my 2 girls, I am outraged! This poison has been slowly growing in me over the years until I can no longer stand to look at his son's face. His ex makes good money and "can't help it her boyfriend's rich," while we have struggled for so long that I have now lost any hope of having a decent life with my husband. He has been laid off since January, but still has child support coming out of his piddly unemployment checks. She has a new car, new clothes, plastic surgery and owns investment property. She has caused nothing but problems for us – almost ruining my wedding, calling the police on him & asking for more money every chance she gets. We have had to borrow thousands of dollars from my family just to keep our home. But there is no more money to borrow & we are going into forclosure again.
I hate her & I hate her stupid son!!! I hate so much that I am angry all the time. I fight with my husband all the time & I feel like I have also robbed my children of a happy mother.
I cause problems everytime he has his son come over because I feel like he loves him more than me & our kids. He's always nice to his son & his ex. He takes his son out & only buys him expensive gifts. He did not even buy me a birthday present or a Mother's Day card because he says he doesn't have any money. I just want to smack his son every time I see him go into our refrigerator & take whatever he wants.
We can't sell our house, because he owes over $10,000 in arrears & there's a lien on the house for $20,000 (don't ask me why it's that much, I have no idea). I don't know the amount he actually owes because it keeps going up every year – I only found that out a few months ago when I was told that 9% interest has been charged on it all along, along with "processing fees" charged by the state. At this rate, he will never pay it off, it will only continue to grow. They take 20% of whatever my husband makes for his first child (who was a mistake!!! – the condom broke!), while my girls don't even count in "living expenses." The sad thing is, once we are divorced, if I were to try & collect child support, my children would only be allocated 28% after the 20% is deducted for his first born. The way I see it, if the govt. already takes about 25% for taxes, 20% goes to child support, and another 28% were to got to other children, what's the point in working or even living? There is no incentive to work or try to make more money. There is no hope for the American dream.
The state is supposed to take into consideration what standard of living the child would have enjoyed had the parents stayed together. They lived in an f-ing trailer, for christ's sake – & she got to keep all the money from it too. The only reason she got full custody was because her parents bought & could afford a better lawyer than he could (his mom just passed away). They're also supposed to take her income into consideration. She's never turned in her income information though, and the state has no consequences for her not doing so.
I will never ask for child support ordered by the state. If they want to enforce it as part of my divorce, I will refuse to let them dip their fingers into our financial affairs. I will ask him to contribute half of the actual expenses (i.e. "the needs of the child/ren"), and if he cannot afford it, then I would never hold it against him, keep him from seeing his children, withhold information about his children, or make his children think he is any less of a father for it. All I want is for them to be happy & cared for – not made to feel like second class citizens. It's just like ancient China, when the 1st wife is treated with the highest reverence & all the others that follow are treated as less. That system has not been allowed in Communist China for over a century, yet here it is alive & well in the USA.
Marriage is in dire straights in the U.S. There is no tax incentive to be married – it's almost a detriment. It's certainly helped to end my marriage.
Thanks for your response,but my question(s)was will I receive my stimulus payment? Do you think the court will issue a DNA test that is admissible,because I sure as hell don't the money to pay for one.One other thing, the mother has a copy of the results and she is running scared!But on the same note she's collecting the money and not supporting the child. I also showed the child a copy.As mentioned early, she's already received over $1500.00.Do you think the court will accept the test? Well I know or believe that I'm the only man the child knows to be his father. I should stick to the matter at hand of will I receive the stimulus payment!I know you're not a judge, but will you accept the DNA, and order a legal one, and reimburse me?
DXL- If you still owe back child support then of course they will take your stimulus check. There is no court order in place to suspend taking child support from you so they will continue to do what they should do. As for the DNA results, you will need to ask the judge to court order a DNA which is costly. I truly pity this child who has known you as a father all its life then you have the audacity to show them some random dna testing. I would be devastated if I was that child. Have you no feelings?
Why do people have to hurt the child in the bid to hurt the other parent? Ok so you are angry with the mother or father…but stop punishing the child. They will grow resentful and angry.
But after reading your posts, I garner your stimulus and moneys are more important than a child who has only known you as dad all their life.
T
You are a sorry piece of crap. How can you hate a child!!!!!!!!He did not ask to be born stupid.
I can see from your writing that you are just the kind of woman that ruins it for everyone. You shame us women with your words. I hope that you get some help.
What do you mean "MANAGE MY SUBSCRIPTION?"
What do you mean "MANAGE MY SUBSCRIPTION?"
DXL,
You can get new comments via email. So if you're following the comments, you can just have them sent by email instead of having to check back every few hours. It's handy for people trying to find answers to their questions.
If you don't want updates anymore you can manage your subscription and get rid of the updates via email. It's not a magazine subscription or anything like that.
My husband owes 24,000$ to the IRS, and on top of that another 30,000$ to back child support [He was really stupid in his younger days] Well, he's [paying child support now and the IRS took our income tax] Will his Ex get the stimulus check or will the IRS?
Brandi,
That's a good question. I'm guessing the IRS has first claim to that money for taxes.
I found one answer at Yahoo Answers:
I hate to say this but , this is what happens when Child support takes money away from one family and gives it to another. It builds hatred between exs and between husband and wife between step parents and step kids, half brothers and sister's.
When you have a ex getting your husband's money from your kids it really has a way of getting under your skin no matter how good of a person you are.
If they want to do this they need to give both woman the same amount of money. Your let the new wife claim head of household so she can get the money for herself and her own kids so the ex only gets the money from the ex husband, even if the new wife is a stay at home mom.
Lets face it, child support and the IRS is doing alot more harm then good.
Its not fair for you to call this person a piece of crap.Unless you have walked a day in her shoes.
Laveda-
The new wife keeps her portion as well as any children she claims on her taxes. The husband pays his portion into what he owes. The wife should file a injured spouse claim (if she works) and recieve the money for her and the children she claimed on her taxes. I see you have wrote in several times with your story and though I feel for you….every case is different.
The thing that disturbs me is …no matter how hard it is…a child should never be introduced to the whine about the money and child support. There should be no hatred in the children towards anyone. This is not their fault. I can see anger in the parents and step parents involved…but who ever has sat there and told their kid the money situation in such a way that it brings hatred into the heart of their child…either living with them or not…that disgusts me.
And as for calling that person a piece of crap…sorry But I agreed with Robin and her statement towards T…who basically hates her step son, and every time he is over her jealousy blinds her and she is not nice and causes problems with him. She seems to forgot in her vows for 'richer or for poorer.' How you can allow money to become such a rulung factor in your life I cannot fathom, epsecially where it brings such hatred towards a child. Your children are not with a happy mother, then maybe mommy should go get her head examed and maybe be prescribed happy pills. And if this wonderful man you married who spends more money on his son then you and your birthday is not so wonderful anymore, try counceling, or sit down and have a talk without the argueing. Your chldren deserve to live with 'happy' parents, not just a 'happy' mommy.
Very well. So why don't all the proud and so called great moms on the other side of the story turn down the money. Of course you don't see them doing that, do you. It is very easy to sit around and judge other people when you have enough money and then some.
It is sick to have some other woman getting your husband's money when you live with the man and care for him and "all" his children.
As for taking "happy pills" If you know anything about psychology you would know that, that just makes your emotions even out. You don't really feel anthing. They do not fix the problem, they cover it. As everyone should know in the end you still have to face the problem that leads to taking the "happy pills".
As for my statement about breeding hatred in a family. When you have your step child telling the children in the family about all the nice things they are getting from their "mom's' tax money and your kids ask why they can't have the same things it can cause real problems. You have to remember kids talk and are real smart.
All I can say is we all live in the real world. We don't live somewhere over the rainbow where everyone loves everyone all the time. Let's face facts you need money to live and raise a family.
The woman has as much responsibility to the child or kids as the father. There is no reason when both sides have a child 49/50 that any money should be going to the mother. I am sure that in most of the cases the woman was not raped and choose the father of the child. You get whet you get.As a woman it is your body you can keep yourself from having a baby. Don't use men!!! It is sick. Step up to the plate and care for your own kids, you leave a man but you still need his money. You can't do it on your own? Do you think that your child somehow does not cost any money to have when your not around. You are asking that family to put out two times the amount. Thats not right. A lot of men love their kids and most step parents love their step kids but the thing is you don't have extra money coming in for your own kids and you don't get to hand over your kids part of the week. You need enough money to take care of ALL the kids, not just the step kids.
As for putting in for the injured spouse claim, why should I have to do that. When you put in a joint tax return the IRS and Child support should give the woman their fair share. Its just a nice way way to steal money, if one over looks this paper work.
My daughter is nine. Her wonderful father who helped create her disappeared out of my life before she was born. I did not see one red cent from him for years. I did not want a kid, but he did. Then I have one unexpectantly, and he is not there. I struggled daily, caring not just for her but my nephew as well without government money, without child support for either child and working as much as possible at a dead end job. The only help I did get was from my mom watching them when they were not at school and I was at work.
I know about struggling. I know about giving up things to put food on the table. I know about them seeing other kids and asking why cant we do that? see that? go there?
As for happy pills? I know about those as well. My nephew is ADD/ADHD Bi polar(manic depressant)….and without those 'Happy pills'…he is not allowed in school. He is a mile a minute and cant sit still for nothing unless he is on his Happy Pills. He also can be dark but the happy pills brings the light back to him. He is a much different kid on happy pills. His happy pills came out of my earnings at over 600 bucks a month.
Still does not answer the question on when we get our stimulus checks sent to us for child support. I saw the coolest design for a tattoo…..
You women that have married guys that have kids from a nother relationship are seriously pissing me off, w/ all you god damn whining "oh they took my check, my taxes, blah, blah, blah" get over it already, you chose him.
I have 2 kids from a previous marriage, my ex made over $80.000.00 a year when we were married he went into court w/ altered check stubs showing that he made $600.00 every 2 weeks and was ordered to pay $501.03 per month for both kids, he pays **5 cents** a f***ing week, Do you know how f**** up it is to get a check for 5 god damn cents. He is in arrears for $43,285.56 this year he finally filed his taxes, I got a check for $1995.86 (his income tax) my problem is that his child support is garnished from his check so why for the past 12 years have I been getting a nickel every week but he makes enough money to get almost $2000.00 back in taxes, he's not remarried and has no other kids, my kids have been getting f***ed for the past 12 years because their a** hole sperm donor is a selfish prick, I have remarried and have 1 child w/ my husband he treats ALL 3 kids EQUALLY and works 2 jobs to support our family and I work 60-70 hrs a week just to live paycheck to paycheck, my kids aren't running around in expensive clothes or shoes, they wear whatever Wal-Mart has on sale and I think that is sad my ex is driving a 2008 Escalade, name brand everything, nice house, ETC. and pays 5 cents a week if you women think that sh*t's ok then something is wrong with and you should get your f***ing head examined, in this whole mess the only VICTIMS are the "CHILDREN" who gives a sh*t if he didn't get you card what about the kids they are way more important than some card, GET OVER YOURSELVES and QUIT being BITCHES!!!!!!!!!
Kim-
I am sorry you feel that we think what you are going through is fair. I am sure I speak for EVERYONE when I say that what you are going through is ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HOW THE SYSTEM IS NOT WORKING. I am a wife of somebody with kids from the past, and as I am sick of going over my situation to show how it doesn't really work for the children I really want you to understand that ideally it SHOULD work for the children. All I am saying is just cause you are getting screwed over, don't hate everyone else who bitches about different aspects of the system and its faults. You're not the only one who is getting screwed over, and nobody is bitching at you for complaining, right?
well,
FYI to all if you are expecting to get your deadbeat back pay. It will be held 180days by the goverment. It ( stimulas Check) is treated like a tax refund. So not only do we have to wait for him to pay, now we have to wait for the goverment to release the funds,
Great system
Here is the offical scoop. I emailed them ( Dept of Revenue c/s)and they emailed me this
The Code of Federal Regulation 45 CFR 303.72(h)(5), allows states to hold joint-tax offset refund offsets for a period not to exceed 6 months or 180 days. The information for this provision can be found via this link to OCSE Policy Interpretation (PIQ) questions via this link:
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/pol/PIQ/2003/piq-03-07.htm or
Code of Federal Regulations at http://www.gpoaccess.gov.cfr
I found out something quite interesting that may help someone. When I read on here and other websites about the states being able to hold tax refunds and stimulus checks for funds that are being held for back child support for up to 6 months, I did the following as an Injured Spouse…I called the Texas AG where the case is at. I asked them if there is anything I could do to get the funds to the custodial mother quicker. They said yes. They told me to write them a certified letter, saying I am not going to file Injured Spouse. I also had to include a copy of the letter saying the amount that was withheld. And, Lo, less than 4 weeks later, Texas GAVE THE MONEY TO THE CUSTODIAL MOTHER!! I was shocked. The Texas AG said they would hold it for 4 months, and if I wrote them this letter, then it would be a little sooner. But, they sent the whole thing! For those of you that are having checks held, want the custodial parent to get the money, and get this over, TRY THIS. I was shocked the AG actually did what they were supposed to!!
Texas said they were trying to give me ample time to file Injured Spouse. When I said I didn't want the money, then they said fine, do this….and they did it, and quickly!!
Ok heres my take I am a 50 year old man who finally got on his feet and wasnt paying support due to income for years but have been paying regular for 14 or 15 now and remarried about 20 years ago the daughter they are getting support on is 33 years old and got kids of her own and the payments go to the state so I am not presently depriving kids of money or shafting the ex and yes I can live without it but I really dont see where my present wife should not get her share of stimulas check just because she hasn't filled out some bogus form called injured spouse form
plus I thought the idea of this check was to put money back into the economy not have irs hand some other branch of goverment the money hell in cases like mine it would be more cost effective to just say if you owe back support you dont get one and let the goverment piss the money down the left leg as send it to the other branch do a lot of extra paperwork and let the goverment piss it down the right leg instead,but I guess my most pressing question is how is one branch of the goverment paying the other money stimulating the economy if your smart enough to answer that one im all ears cause if you read the first part of my posting you will know it isnt going to no ex who will spend it and stimulate any economy it will just go from treasury back to treasury kind of like mailing yourself a check huh same amount in bank no credit no debit and total waste of stamp.
Thank God I am getting my ex husbands Stimulus. He just recently started paying for his 2 kids. He never sees them and wants to sign over his rights. But me I am going to make him pay for his children. I only get $320.00 a month for 2 kids and it does not take care of near have. especially since my son has horrible problems with his eyes and my daughter has asthma. I am glad they are taking the a**holes money and giving it to me to help.
Well, my husband of 9 years has been paying child support for awhile now. His oldest son is now 12 and he pays $115/week. Every time he gets a raise a work his ex is all over it. So we really don't come out ahead at all. Which is really frustrating when you have a 6 yr. old son with Autism. We lose our refund every year and now the stimulus..I don't see my husband very much anymore since he works 12 hour days and I work nights just to survive since we have 2 kids of our own, our autistic son and our oldest daughter who is 8. I can't quite wrap my mind around the idea of taking from one child to give to another…isn't that wrong? I would have no problem with her taking our share but not my childrens.
Plus I can't get over some women in here that are extremely hateful about their ex's. If I was to split from my husband I wouldn't ask for child support but for his time and to go dutch with me on what they needed. I could really care less about the money..it's suppose to be about the kids right? Not about laughing all the way to the bank because you got over on him. The KIDS people..the KIDS!!
Nickie, I agree about taking from one child to give to another. but my ex has no other children and he only works to support a drug habit which he is in and out of jail for. so at this point if you cant see why I have my views toward my ex then I dont know what else to say but some women have reasons behind feeling the way they do toward their exes. and another thing my ex thought he could move from Illinois to North Carolina to get out of helping me and when he realized he couldnt he came back to Illinois waited for my husband to leave for work and I went to take the trash out and he beat me. My six year old which is his son called 911 and he was arrested. So Nickie, do you still have a problem with the way I feel about my ex?
My wife and I are in the same boat as some of the other folks on here. I owe back support and have had my share of tax returns taken from me, which I deserve. However, I don't think it's right to take someone's money that isn't responsible for back support. My wife and my daughter who lives with me should get their share. The IRS can take my share until I am caught up and that is just fine with me, but don't take away money from someone who earned it by working their butt off. My ex doesn't deserve my wife's or my daughter's money, PERIOD. And as for some of the women talking about how they have been screwed over, I feel bad for you and you should get your money, but you should get it from the person that is responsible for paying it, not someone else. Laugh yourself silly all the way to the bank, but remember, karma is a bitch.
For you government sponges who like to get as much free stuff as you can, what are you gonna do when the child support is gone and you actually have to work for a living? Have fun going to the bar when you're 40 and picking up the dumbest alcoholic you can find to support you. Enjoy that life.
If the shoe fits…please respond.
Well let me tell you, I have seen some crap happen since I married my husband who pays child support. He pays $110 per week for one kid. He works his butt off to pay her to sit at home on her fat, lazy behind and not only collect CS from him but some other man. And then she has the nerve to fuss, cause she doesnt get enough. Well she lives with her mother, so she has NO BILLS! Not even a car! So why should she be able to draw welfare and collect all this money while we struggle everyday and live paycheck to paycheck, barely. SHe doesnt buy anything for the kid, my inlaws do and anybody else she can make feel sorry for her. What a sorry sack of crap, people like that are a disgrace to the human race. We never see the child, despite living 5 miles away, dont ever talk to her, all because her mother has brainwashed her to make her believe that her father doesnt love her. So to all of you trying to get revenge on the ex, because he wont kiss your a@@, or has moved on with his life, remember you reap what you sow!!!!!!!!!!!! It will come back to you, maybe not now, but soon enough.
I am just now starting to get child support for what my ex owes starting from 1985 thru 2001. Over those 16 years he changed jobs and moved around so much that the govt could not keep up with him very well and he maybe paid a grand total of $5000. He owes over $140,000 plus interest according to the Texas AG who is now handling his case. I worked two jobs all those years trying to make ends meet to take care of our two boys. It was very hard and I did not get to spend much time with the boys since I had to work all the time just to pay the bills. When we got divorced I only asked that he pay for child care since I would have to work now to take care of my kids. Keep in mind that we got divorced because he was unfaithful so he brought this all on himself. Shortly after we divorced I found out that he remarried and had two girls with his new wife but they are divorced now too. He has never made any attempt to see his boys or even talk to them on the phone since we divorced in 1984 and they were 2yrs old and 6 months old. He sure did miss out on knowing some great kids…his lose. Both boys are grown now and out on their own and doing okay. My health is bad now and I have a hard time standing or sitting for very long due to a back injury that I had surgery for but it still bothers me alot. My back problems are a results from when I was holding down my second job unloading houseware products at a local retail store in the evenings after my kids went to bed. I would come home in the morning get them off to school sleep for a few hours and go to my day job until they came home from school. Life was not easy but thank goodness we had lots of love and a little fun every now and then to keep us going. It would have been nice to get the child support way back then when we really needed it so I would have only had to have one job but thank goodness for lots of credit cards and clearance sales. Now I am still paying those credit cards off but at least he is finally paying a little bit of what he owes. $135 every two weeks is not much but it helps out especially with my back problems being so bad now and it is hard to work full time plus I am over 50 yrs old now and not as young as I used to be you know!
Just to let everyone know…not all of us out here are living off welfare and laughing it all the way to the bank with child support. In fact there are not very many who are…so get off your high horse and give these women a break who are just trying to get what their children deserve…a little financial support.
Thank you Cindy…My ex is the same he cheated on me and has not attempted to see our children and now I and my new husband work to take care of my 2 and our 1 together… I am just sick and tired of poeple say that money is all I am in it for…No it is not…my husband works his butt off to take care of 2 children that are not even his blood although he is a great man My husband now says just because they are not blood does not mean they are not mine They are…My new husband who I have been married to for 2 years has done more for my 2 children than my ex their father had ever done for them…I would just like to say to Amber "JUDGE LEST YE BE JUDGED" Amber you don't know me so don't judge just because you may know some one like that does not mean that everyone is like that.
I would just like to say that I am very happy that the Government has decided to with hold stimulus payments from PARENTS that owe arrearages in child support.. I will not go as far as to say that these men/women are deadbeat parents, I consider that a really harsh term to use.. I will say as a mother that is owed $3,000 in back child support, I am very happy that I will be recieving my exes stimulus payment.. had he paid in the first place he wouldn't be in the situation of owing back support and he would be enjoying his rebate..people can complain all they like but I spent well over the first year of my childs life supporting him on my own.. guidlines are set in place for a reason.. to make things easier on everyone.. if you owe child support, just look at it as taking a chunk out of what you owe.. and if you are owed child support look at it as a blessing and stop complaining… If you are the spouse of someone owing child support, I can't imagine how it feels to have part of your income taken but look at it from the mom or dads point of view and maybe you will understand that it's not only hard to raise a child on your own but also hard to support a child on your own………..
When did a child become the reason for gas electric and food! I am a single mother of 3 and I will never obligate my kids father to pay me a dime! My house, My Gas Bill, My Electric bill, My Food! My children eat off of what I cook for myself! So because we sepereated he suddenly no longer has bills of his own! Most of the time DAD pays Rent, Electric, Gas and I believe they EAT TOO! Some woman are just disgraceful using children as an excuse to get some FREE MONEY! Nothing is FREE in LIFE! Teach your children that… It's a shame that the Child support system can allow woman to get away with the things that they do, I mean lets be logical, he has the same bills I have what's the reasoning behind that we both have to live and the bills have to get paid in every house hold! Needless to say as a SINGLE MOTHER OF 3, how much does it really take to raise these kids! My kids have it all and all their dad gives me is half for their clothes twice a year and we alternate food shopping every other month and if one month he don't got it IT'S OK I won't send him to jail for that!!! He is not responsible for the light, the gas, my car payment NOTHING! All of that is MINE! It's what I provide for MYSELF that my children are entitled too! My children are not a weapon I am honored to share time and space with them EVERY SINGLE DAY of my LIFE! Also, their FATHER needs a house to bring them too obviously! How can he pay his own bills if hes giving me half of his income! Thats not FAIR! I guess thats why I'm so blessed and I have yet to face a situation I could not handle! To all you Mothers who think you can get away with taking from others just becasue this BS court system allows you to! Quit trying to take the easy way out and work hard to give those babies what they deserve! Taking from someone else isn't going to bring you anything good! Believe me you wouldn't like it if they took it from you! I've seen so many situations where fathers become drug dealers and dead beats becasue they're working to support someones elses home! I believe that a child needs more love and attention than money! Stop worrying about that Stimulus payment and Income Tax Season! Work for your own and worry more about the CHILD instead of the MONEY! The Child doesnt need more MONEY than they need LOVE! Stop using your children as a method of payment! Believe me they don't need it that much! Isnt it funny how the court system calculates child support by income! I found that the CRAZIEST! So because Puff Daddy is RICH his child deserves more money than mine! THATS INSANE!!!! and because your childs father makes no money your child deserves $20 a month! WTF!!! Come on who the heck is coming up with these laws! I wouldn't be a part of that mess no day! I prefer him being there! If I don't got it I just don't got it! I'm not trying to live a luxurious life on someone elses account! We give them what we can and fortunately I strive for perfection and have been able to provide them with nothing but the BEST! I dont sit around waiting for FREE MONEY and then use my kids as the excuse to why I get it! I don't know what's going to come out of this child support BS but I pray that it's corrected because it most certainly needs to be…
Oh gee, how did you pay for childcare for 3 kids? hmm let me guess. I see families all day long who do not collect c/s or claim it to get free childcare, while the rest of us suffer. I am glad you have worked something out that works for you and your family. I would love to alternate my monthly food bill like you do, and have him buy clothes.. whoa. I would be totally happy with that. Problem is not ever X husband is like yours. So there has to be a c/s law. I myself have rec'd a few hundred in the last year. Its not free money I work 2 jobs ( one in the human service field)I go to school and I provide for my kids every single day happily.Its my best job. You sister need to get off your high horse and realize not all people have it like you do. Who holds health / dental insurance on your 3 kids, let me guess? We all do!!!!!!
Cheaper to keep her!!
Anonymous on July 8, 2008 3:49 pm
I would like to know how your children enjoy wearing your clothes to school. And do you prepare lunch for yourself daily and divide it amongst all of you. And since you go to your doctor or dentist, might as well bring them along too for some kind of two for one discount.
The children yes are your responsibility, but also the husbands. Half of what you pay towards them is also his responsibility.
So let me see if I understand what you are saying. When you and your husband and all of those children were together…he lived in a house of his own and had his own mortgage/rent, utilities, food, clothing allowance etc and YOU paid for you AND your children alone. So He pretty much never paid for anything right?
Or do you make THAT much monthly where you do not need to rely on him to pay anything and he is some kind of dead beat living off you when he did and now that he is gone, no longer has that responsibility?
You do not make sense. You did not create those children on your own. It was not a virgin birth. Your husband helped create them. And he BY LAW he is OBLIGATED to help in their maintenance!
Stop trying to show you have a holier then thou attitude and that the rest of us mothers left without the child support can substain the lifestyle needed to provide the basics for the child(ren) and their lives.
Kids need braces and clothes and food and to live. I struggled weekly to keep food in her belly and a roof over her head working not only to pay for us to live but for the bills the dead beat RAT left me with.
I no longer struggle. I no longer have to beg my mom to keep her for the weekend because I can't afford to feed either of us until the next pay check. I never accepted government money. And I made it. I am married and no longer going without things I desire and want and need. And now that I AM finally recieving the 20 plus grand he still owes me I have no pity for him or anyone he is with at taking his taxes AND stimulus check.
None.
I guess some will live their lives making themselves believe that it is harder than it really is! I'm just thankful that I am able to do it and it's not at all as hard as most people make it seem… Like I said I am a SINGLE MOTEHR OF 3!!! Not 1 or 2 but 3! and it isn't as hard as some CRY IT OUT to be! For the record I PROVIDE their INSURANCE and always have! He never had a GREAT PAYING JOB and I knew that when I was with him I'm not expecting him to become RICH just because we SEPERATED nor do I wish any bad upon him because he is a HUMAN BEING just like the rest of us and it's not my place to judge him! I'm sure there are Father's out here who just don't care and truthfully if he didn't care about my children I dont think I'd want him anywhere near them any how! Therefore Im content with the fact that he is there and in no way would I ever want him to feel like my children are a BURDEN to his life! That's what probably runs most father's away! Oh and just so you know there daycare/babysitter we split equally! Keep in mind that my children's ages are 8 2 and 10 months! So I have my hands full I'm not just talking CRAP! Some weeks he's even SHORT and he lets me know ahead of time and we work something out! I don't go trying to put him in jail! When we split up I understood that he would have to get his own place with bills of his own and that things were going to be EQUALLY HARDER for both of us! Because now our home only has one income just like HIS – I accepted the consequences that came with the seperation! I don't care how much anyone can TRY to make it seem right to take income from another person WEEKLY! That is just insane! I see so many of my friends getting $200 a week for kids that are SCHOOL AGED that dont even pay for DAYCARE meanwhile the DAD has to work 3 jobs and sell drugs to pay his own bills just to not get F'd over by this messed up court system! Sad to say that there's more woman out there causing the seperation because its so much EASIER to be seperated! I guess I'm just not as angry as most woman, I'm at Peace, I'm Happy and so are my kids… Good Luck to you all! When those kids are 18 which they will be before you know it you will have to work for yourslef and most likely they will still be depending on you because you taught them to take the easy way out and on top of that they won't even have their father because you ran him away! I prefer to keep a good relationship with him, I'm sure that the minute I begin to act like most woman he will probably become a statistic as well, another DEADBEAT loser! But he won't because I'm fair unlike the CHILD SUPPORT SYSTEM! and when all of my kids are in school thing will get easier for the both of us! Not just for me! I'm not trying to judge any of you but try it! It might work… Work with him and see what happens without thinking you are at right because you have the kids…
I agree 100% with what you are saying… and I think the problem with what other people are misjudging is that you are not saying the father should be relieved of any and all financial obligation but that those financial obligations should be kept fair. The most important thing is that children don't have a price tag, and that what the children really need from the noncustodial parent is to still be a presence, not their paycheck.
The child support laws are more damaging than they are helpful, but it is those mothers who can get $200 a week out of the deal who fail to see the problem. I am married, and I support 3 children, one of which is a stepchild, because my husbands income all goes to his ex and her one daughter. She is finally starting to realize that we have it as hard as she does, if not harder, so she is being more reasonable with him but that doesn't stop him from having to hand over $120/week plus half of whatever addons she comes up with… and since she does like her wine tours and brand name clothes this means that we all have to work twice as hard to give a little to our 3 children that live with us so she can live it up. Of course she wouldn't have a problem with the system, even though if he were to fall behind on a payment wouldn't you know he wouldn't be allowed to see their daughter until he was caught up. That, right there, is the problem. Good fathers can try as hard as they can but if they can't meet those guidelines… who gets hurt out of the deal?
I just want to add that my kids father not only has my 3 kids but he also has 2 more from a previous marriage so you woman complaining have nothing on my situation -trust me! He pays child support weekly to his other 2 kids $430 bi-weekly, for school aged kids that go to public school and don't even dress nice or eat well! I see how much he struggles to support those 2 and pay his own things and I'm not going to make it harder on him! And to add on to that the reason why we're not together now has a lot to do with the other kids and all the problems they caused to mine and my kids life. I preferred to walk away and be at peace rather than grow anger over kids who are controlled by a woman who is allowed to use them as a weapon! It's really not their fault but it wasn't my fault either… So he got stuck losing ME – the best thing that ever happened to him and his 3 kids who he loves very much, over an evil woman who only cared about the MONEY and never even payed attention to what the children were really screaming out for! And on top of that to get really in DEPTH the reason why he isn't with his first wife is becasue she had been CHEATING on him with their NEIGHBOR for 3 out of 7 years! I could choose to be angry and cry about the way things ended up! I could hate him for having kids with her! I could hate him for not being able to provide more! but instead I'm real about the situation! Everybody needs money to live not just children… I need it, he needs it, we all need it! Taking away from his home is probably fixing one home for the moment but ruining another! He's alone now but when he was with me I remember how it felt and Im very considerate! and if he ever moves on which I hope someday he does I will never burden their home or make his new family feel the way his ex wife and kids made us feel! Ladies for whatever its worth if you cant do it on your own then try your hardest to work at your relationship! I chose to seperate and I was prepared for what came of it and I knew that it wasnt going to be easy but I made the choice and have been just fine ever since… They're little now and its hard but as they get older Im sure I'll be fine!
All I want to say is thnak god there are still fair people out there. Anonymous, good for you for stepping up and taking care of your kids and not using them for a pay day. Thnak you for seeing both sides of the story.
We keep reading about how its for the kids, lets get real its for YOUR kids not for the good of all kids. If it were you would care about the poor kids that have their money being taken away because of cs. You have to realize that in the stimulus check $300.00 of that money is for the kids that he might have with someone else and how you think you should get any of that money is what gets me. Talk about being selfish.
It also makes me wonder how many people raise there kids alone by there own doing…
I have a friend that has two kids with her ex and he has the gull to have CS on her ass and now she has back CS to deal with. He even has the nerve to call and ask her for money, all this when he does not allow her to see her kids. How dare CS allow this asshole to do this. He has choose to rise his kids alone. He should go to hell. The olny reason she has not gone after his ass is because she does not have the money it would take.
CS does not look at both sides of the story. Just like in my husbands case, he was out of his sons life for two years, all his ex had to do is go to cs and say he owned X amount of money and they took her word for it. They did not make her prove it. Then when my husband had his son for four years we went to cs and they wanted US to pay her back cs. They said we could not take her for cs because it would take to long and they were going to make us prove that we had him, and they wanted poof that we had spent money on him. That is so one sided and makes me wish I had the money to sue the crap out of them.
They make it to easy for people to take money from their ex's. To use other people and be able to sit on their high horses and say I have my kids and I raise them on my own and am so great etc…
All I can say is Karma is already working on our side in our case.When you are in the right you are in the right, if you are doing well by all your kids, then you truly get whats coming to you.
Look! I know I am about to piss off half of you guys… BUT… My Ex pays nothing, they took his taxes and now I have to wait 6 months before I will see anything. I have always made sure my daughter is taken care of… Now my comment. If the sorry DAD would have taken care of his child support payments from the beginning, he would not be behind and you guys could keep your d@mn taxes. Sorry dads get exactly what they asked 4!! And if your one of those that married a sorry dad.. Its your own fault… You should have known what you were getting into… So. no need to whine…
You know, as I sit and read these posts, I am absolutely appauled at the people who are defending these people who are not paying child support. And to those who say those of us getting child support are "taking money that belongs to the other kids", I have a question, Didn't these men/women who have had more children realize that they were still going to obligated to the prior children? Or did they think that if they went out and had more with someone else that the first ones wouldn't matter anymore? If you can't afford to have the kids………..STOP MAKING THEM!!! My ex is only required to pay $89/week which is what he requested and I agreed to. In 13 years, I have never asked for anything more from him. He is currently $17,000 in arrears. He has not remarried or had anymore kids(that I'm aware of , at least)And as far as laughing all the way to the bank, I assure you that every dime I have ever received from him has been spent on my child, not on me or my other child or my husband. I believe that it is his obligation to pay it. That's what he signed up for when we DECIDED to have a baby. just because we divorced does not mean that he is no longer her father and should not do what any decent father would do. ….Take care of his child. For those of you that are married to a man/woman that owes back support, you should have known up front what his/her obligations were, if not, then that is your own fault, and when you are divorced and trying to raise the child or children on your on, then you can let us all know how you feel about doing on your own what you agreed to do together!!!
Let's look at another point of view here, Gina. My husband has an ex-wife that has custody of his two children. I also have 2 children that live with us. My husband's work is seasonal. In his "on" time of work he makes bank and pays out the ass in child support (which winds up also supporting her other child from her current husband). During the 3 months in the winter that he is laid off he is on unemployment and for OUR family to be able to survive, he only pays the minimum and it keeps accruing the leftover each month. So now, on our stimulus check, it was him, me, and MY 2 kids. The ex-wife got $1200 of our stimulus check that was supposed to be for me and my children. I feel like she is taking clothes off my kids back and food out of their mouth. We needed this extra money to survive. But thanks for being a vicious ex-wife. That makes perfect sense to tell everyone else not to whine. (One more point… my ex-husband also doesn't pay anything for his child support which has accrued to thousands of dollars but I make do).
Why don't you pay $89 a week and see how it feels. When you have rent, gas, elctric and all other bills $89 a week is a lot! So just because my ex-husband had kids already means that I was not supposed to fall in love with him… He has the right to move on to! I can't believe that some woman can be so selfish! Almost every woman that seperates from their first husband moves on and remarries therefore there is usually already 2 incomes in the house. Again, I stress that I am a SINGLE MOTHER OF 3… 2 of which are still infants which are more expensive, and I can't find the fairness in taking income away from their father when he has just about the same amount of bills that I do! Children need money yes I agree with that but not every week, unless they are under the age 5 and are in childcare and even that should be split in half, he shouldn't have to pay the whole thing!! Clothes maybe twice a year, and food once a month which should also be alternated! Other than that ladies you need to budget because it is possible! Imagine how much harder it is for the father to support a household and have a percentage taken out of his paycheck to go into another household when he can't even pay for his own! If anything about children needs to be enforced it should be VISITATION! Lock that ASSHOLE up for not seeing his children but MONEY come on! Change the law around a little and start enforcing visitation! If they're mandated by the court system to be with their children 50% of the time then why the heck should he have to pay anything to you! Lets start enforcing VISITATION and see how much better these kids will turn out… Suspend their license for not picking up his kids 2 weeks in a row! Hold his stimulus check for a year until he has had perfect visitation with his children! That's FAIR! There's no way to paint CHILD SUPPORT pretty! It's a DISGUSTING picture that does nothing for the children!
You know what, men and woman that have kids from another marriage can have a great and happy marriage with someone else. Talk about sounding bitter… Just because it did not work with you does not mean anything but… you two are just not meant for one another. Maybe you should have thought twice before having kids.
Another thing, none of you say if your ex sees the kids and how much time they have with the kids. You know in a case where thay have the kids 49/50, they have to not only pay you child support they also have to come up with the money to support the child when they have them. Thats not right AT ALL.
I for one love my step son. He ended up wanting to live with us. We always made sure he had what he needed. No thanks to CS or anyone else.
We all still live together. I have a great family. I just get tired of people using kids to get money. When in most cases the other family has more right to it and needs it just as bad.
I pay child support every two weeks.
I am not, nor have I ever been behind.
My question is more one that I cannot find an answer to on the IRS website.
My ex claims the kids on her taxes one year, and I the other. 2007 was her year to claim them.
However, she will also be getting the entire stimulus amount that comes with claiming four kids.
I would not have a problem with this except that the kids live with ME 293 DAYS OUT OF THE YEAR!!!! I am considering taking her to court for a custody change and possibly for back support, as we originally had a custody agreement that we would both live in the same town (school purposes) and split custody 50/50.
The court then figured a % of my income at the time of the divorce that was above her income and that is what support was based on.
The problem is….SHE has since had two husbands and moved to another city, (well out of this school district) SHE only sees the kids 3 weekends per month. I am left paying her child support and KEEPING and RAISING THE KIDS! I buy their clothes, shoes, school fees, medicine, toothpaste, tampons, makeup, toys, video games, and take them EVERYWHERE with me!! Yet she is still reaping the benefits of claiming them on her taxes every other year and then SHE GETS THE STIMULUS PAYMENT TO BOOT.
YES LADIES IT IS TRUE….THERE ARE STILL SOME MEN OUT THERE THAT ACTUALLY DO WHAT'S RIGHT, EVEN IF IT'S "WRONG".
PLEASE ADVISE WITH ANY IDEAS
Anonymous.
I notice you are too scared for whatever reason to put your name on your rants.
You may feel justified with your life and situation and that is wonderful. But stop condemning the rest of us for how we live and take care of our children. This blog was not made for you to send your nasty little quips and rants but for people to ask about the stimulus payment and when we recieve it. You may think you are perfection, and hey kudo's to you for supporting small infants etc. But you are not ME nor do you have anything to do with MINE or my childs life.
I for one have no quandry taking child support from my ex dead beat rat, and if he has married and had other children, I could care less. I have not heard nor seen him in 8 years. He has chosen to live his life the way he wants. So when his stimulus check comes…I plan on spoiling MY daughter with it. He has NEVER met her, has never wanted one thing to do with her, and it was HIS choice to have a child not mine.
I would not change or trade my daughter for anything in this world. I do not regret my daughter. I just regret the low life that helped create her then disappear of the face of our earth.
Incase anyone missed the comment about stimulus being sent for child support arrearage, it will arrive 6 months after the first letter the ex dead beat recieved their letter. This gives time for the spouses (if they have them) to claim injured spouse claims and to claim any children as well before the money is sent to you. It also gives the dead beat time to write and beg for the money to be sent to them and not you, and for a reply letter saying sorry, it goes for things you should not have been late in paying like taxes, and child support.
Just remember this Miss High Horse…He would not have to give you the stimulus child support arrearage check if they made their payments on time.
I see nothing wrong in the system btw. The man chooses to remove himself from his children then that is his choice. Had he ever asked to meet her or be a part of her life I would have gladly allowed it. And he has known this all her life. Now, I would not. I have not seen or heard from him most of his life and I no longer know this person.
So when this check comes…like I said, this is my daughters money. I am spoiling her.
She has been wanting a train ride, maybe we will take a trip to London…..
Dear Fed up Dad,
Yes I know that there are super supportive dads and moms. Not all men / or woman leave there kids behind in any way.
In your case from your comment, I think you should talk to your ex, and you should split the kid benefit and be able to spoil, or do what ever you need to do. Fair is fair. If you can't come to a agreement take her to small claims court, not family court. If the children are happy with the arrangment you both have and the kids are thriving, do stir, it only hurts the kids.
To 'Fed Up Dad'- Take her butt to court! She should be payng you support, not the other way around. Get custody back and tell her you should recieve at least a portion of that stimulus. If she can't work with you on that… shoot for the moon on support.
Why not… it's what half these mothers would do. Take that money and laugh all the way to the bank.
Good for you on still being there for your children and roughing it through this system and it's onesided perspective.
-TI
My name is not needed for me to express my thoughts however my thoughts will be heard and as you obviously disagree with them they are my thoughts as you have your own and can speak them freely.
I'm sorry if you are offended by anything that I have said but they are my strongest thoughts and opinions. You happen to disagree and that doesn't bother me at all, its not going to change the way that I feel just as nothing I say will change the way that you feel and thats ok. No need to get all angry because in no way did I disrespect any one that feels opposite of me! I am a single mother too and should be on the same side as you, however I feel that Child Support makes parenting seem more like a job than a belssing, again thats just my opinion and I'm entitled to it…
About the father that walked out on your daughter, I can relate to that as well… My 8 year old is not my ex-husbands son. He left my son when he was only a year old. Never supported him nor visited him and he lives 20 minutes away. His family has never even cared to look for him and I've bumped into them a few times and they act like he doesn't exsist, that hurts but God will handle that! How much he owes me for 8 years I have no idea because I've never had him on child support but if I calculate correctly by what I've read he should be paying me about $80 a week x's 52 weeks a years x's 8 years ='s about $33,000!
My ex husband which is the father of my other 2 children has raised him since he was 3 years old and my son considers him his dad. Although I don't allow him to support him financially he is still there for him emotionally and visits with him just as he does with all the rest of his kids. My ex- husband does however pay child support for the 2 kids he had previously and helps me very little with our children but he does help as much as he can… How can I expect him to do the same for my children when the court system is already taking $860 a month from his paycheck for his first 2 children! Does that mean that my children are not as good as the first 2 because they just so happened to come after his first marriage which failed becasue his ex wife cheated! Does the fact that he aready had children mean that he looses his right to happiness and to a new family! Because thats what Child Support makes it seem like! I mean how does anyone survive in their own home after sending off $860 a month to another home! He's even suggested having his kids live with him with NO child support comeing to him because it'd be cheaper for him to raise them! And even though he lives in a better town with better schools and offered fair visitation to their mother and didn't even ask for child support and he is perfectly fit to raise those kids, the COURT SYSTEM still denied him! Where is the FAIRNESS in that?
I'm sure some of you woman have it hard and I know it seems like the right thing to do when your bitter about the way things ended up but I have a different opinion. I have watched with eyes open how hard it is for FATHERS to move on after their first realtionship meanwhile woman can move on very easily… If the child support law was made because so many fathers were turning into deadbeats then why not re-evaluate how many woman are not even caring for the children properly or cheating and causing the break up, how many woman are getting money that is not going to the children and how many woman are not even allowing the fathers to be fathers.
I've seen bad fathers close-up but I've seen bad mothers too! It goes both ways, why does the woman get the upper hand with the children at seperation. What makes every mother automatically a better fit for the children than the father. I was married to a man that had kids with another woman, the kids came over our house weekly telling us that their step dad hits them and treats them bad! You think my ex-husband was ever able to do anything in court – NO because in this society for some crazy reason MOTHERS call the shots as if they made the child on their own! So in your situation you didn't make the child on your own and you're demanding money but there are some FATHERS who have bigger problems that they can't do a thing about! So horray to all of you getting STIMULUS checks and feel like your problems are solved, there are bigger issues going on other than the ones you feel you are having, which BTW if money is solving them then I doubt they are bigger than children being abused physically and emotionally by step dads and the real dad notbeing able to do a thing about it…
Again, like I said before enfocing visitation would force the father to be there for their children physically and emotionally and even financially! Enforcing Child Support only forces the father to be their financially! How is that at all FAIR to the child!
I understand fully that all problems can't be solved, it just pisses me off that the only one they were able to find a solution for was the one that involved money… I have every reason to be on your ship but I chose to see both sides of the struggle rather than just my own. I've seen worst things happen to my ex-husband than have happend to me. Having a son who doesn't know his real dad, or taking on more with my 3 children than their father does not come close to the things my ex husband has been through. All because Family Court does absolutely nothing for the well being of the child and I really pray hard that it be corrected to benefit everyone… Not just MOM! and I'm sure it will happen sooner than later because God is very very good to me!
Oh and I hope you make it to London… Its a very very beautiful place that everyone should have a chance to visit! Try Germany and Venus too! Oh and a train ride to Disney, that was lots of fun too! Exhausting, but very worth it!
)
This judicial system is all but fair. My ex threw me out because he didn't want me to stay at my mom's house over night and he in turn changed the locks and took me to court and was awarded residential because I didn't have good living standards for them. He has kids by and ex and he OWES $30k and has a drivers licenses and even though his returns get taken he gets mine because I'm under $2k in arrears. My child support is taken right out of my check and his isn't because his boss won't do it so he pays what he wants to pay and when he wants to pay it. To top it off our last year of filing together we did an injured spouse and my portion of the return was $3,200 and even though we weren't living together he signed my name and cashed it and has no intentions of giving me any of it and the courts are useless in this regards!
The whole problem with child support is that it discourages a person from wanting to have a good job and to better themselves because as soon as the other party knows they're making more money they're running to the courts.
The parents on here who are bickering because their checks are being held because their new husband owes back child support are really sad. First of all, what the heck do you think your new husband would do if you got divorced? Probablly the same thing he did to the prior person. I bet you would not like that then would you? You should have looked at all that before you married the deadbeat dad. How would you like it to bust your butt and work to take care of children by yourself? I make decent money but with daycare etc., it does not cut it. Everyone knows it takes two to raise a family. I have also tried to get State Assistance and guess what, denied because a support enforcement is in place – even though I do not get it. Oh but wait, the drug addict deadbeat, he is now getting state help because he is an Addict. He has been in a nice hospital for weeks on state dollars and now they are helping him get Medicad to help him out. However, my two children were denied. Oh and yea, he is suppose to help with medical bills but doesn't.
For the person who comments…
The whole problem with child support is that it discourages a person from wanting to have a good job and to better themselves because as soon as the other party knows they're making more money they're running to the courts.
Half the time these people jump jobs to keep from having to pay child support. I have one who is a drug addict who makes himself sick to go into the hospital or rehab to avoid paying anything. Yet he makes about 60-80,000 a year but can't pay child support, bounces around from house to house and now
I am having to file bankruptcy to get away from some of our debt he agreed to pay for upon our divorce but blew on drugs.
Now for the people who say "Yet they wait 6 months to take him to court" You have no clue because the state makes you wait 6 months. On top of that it is not 6 months really. I have an ex who would not pay for 5 months then pay about 1/10th of his monthly payment (owes $701 a month for two kids but would send $50) and guess what, the freakin clock started over.
If you ask me, the system gives these men AND WOMEN chance after chance and whatever finally happens, is well deserved.
This is about the KIDS… not a new wife and new kids or the non-custodial parent. THE KIDS….
Okay, here we go again. Some people are helped, some people are screwed over. The system sucks. I notice more people are bitching here about the child support system than simply the stimulus payment and I'm not surprised, cause that stimulus is just one check out of many that are affected.
To the mothers who fail to understand why anybody is complaining about the financial burden that their husbands carry… I get where you are coming from because money itself is a pain in the butt… we ALL need more of it. Everyone has a hard time making it… but if you have custody you have a meal ticket and you take for granted how hard it can be on the other end. No I am NOT SAYING IT"S NOT HARD FOR YOU but damn… no wonder people turn to selling drugs and end up in prison and kind of dig themselves a hole… have you tried being stuck with a bill that size and being told you can lose everything if you don't pay it? So basically, if a relationship doesn't work out for any reason… even if MOM is at fault, DAD can live in a cardboard box and pay MOMs bills? Because this is how the system is set up.
Listen… I have 2 points to make. 1- Don't ever say 'you should have thought of that before you married him'. I am one of those women that you are referring to, because my husband is one of those men who has lost job after job and we have both lost home after home simply because his exes vacations and shopping sprees take priority over our grocery and rent and gas bill. Yes, I knew this would happen. I still chose to have children with this man. They aren't together because they just weren't right, he tried for the sake of his daughter but in the long run walking in on her with one of her many boyfriends on the side was it. So they're not together but it works out for me because I got him. He is a good man and a wonderful father who will bend over backwards for his children no matter what that means for him… and that is exactly what I love about him… he knows what is important.
Why is it that every mother can bitch more about 'he hasn't paid' than 'he hasn't visited'? I'll tell you why… because when it comes down to it… you want his money… not his presence as a parent. This is what is wrong with the system. Fathers rights? Bull! The father has the right to hand over his paycheck and then maybe, just maybe, he can see his kid if mom lets him.
Whatever your own story is… let's get this straight right now. I would NEVER choose a man based on financial issues. I chose him out of love for the man he is… and I won on that aspect. Here we are, broke as hell and struggling to make ends meet with oneo f his daughters and our two sons. It's not easy, and I can't take him to court and make them take so much money for our kids. The only child who doesn't live with us lives with her mother, and they enjoy 5 star dining and name brand shopping on our expense. But when it comes down to it… SHE is still partying and jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend, living it up on his money and her lonely ass is sorry as hell. I, on the other hand, win with a wonderful husband and 3 happy kids who know the value of family time together over splurging everyday. Guess who is happier!
It's not MONEY your children need… it's PRESENCE. If your deadbeat dad isn't around… you might want to ask yourself if it might even be you scaring him away because he can't give what you are asking for. STOP asking for the wrong things!
Caryn you stated:"Everyone has a hard time making it… but if you have custody you have a meal ticket and you take for granted how hard it can be on the other end"
My comment to you is that maybe that is how you see your kids , but I do not. Meal ticket lol. What a sick comment to make. Hello, most of us never see a dime and still work a few jobs and go to school to make life safe and fullfilling for our wonderful children. Expensises don't stop during hard times for anyone. I cant image being the other parent and chossing not to contribute to the childs needs in any way. If moms and dads that have custody can bust there butts to support there children the other party SHOULD do the same!!!! Your comments are ridiculous …It is like you cant even think straight
No matter what you say, now that I have paid off HIS bills that he left me with (all in my name, things I never knew was signed up for like credit cards and music clubs and even a tv I have never even seen but it is in my name and I have no way to prove it was not me seeing how he forged my signature with perfection), and raised MY daughter that he refuses to have anything to do with as a lovely respectful almost 10 year old, and I married not for money not for security but for love and we get by very nicely; I will STILL laugh myself silly all the way to the bank to get that stimulus/child support arrears money.
It will never replace all those sleepless nights I laid awake with ulcers worrying about where the next penny I could squeeze would come from to pay his bills he left and keep a roof over mine and my kids head and food in her belly. It will not replace the many many MANY times I went without food and shampoo and female products because I could not afford it. It will never replace the fact she has grown into a very loving unselfish creature, without ever meeting him. Money will never buy her love. She has a real dad now..who loves and supports her.
I have no pity for my exdeadbeatrat.
None what so ever.
6 months huh…how many more do we have to wait?
Wow, yes that comment after mine is ridiculous. Let me tell you one thing. Do not sit here and tell me about you losing everything sweetie. When my husband left me and my two boys, we lost our house, we lost our husband and father and all the things you are on the verge of losing. If your husband would have bent over backwards for his children like you say, then why does he owe back child support?????? On top of what all we lost, I am still paying for his ticket to buy drugs. I am currently filing bankruptcy for a car he was able to keep after our divorce was final but I had to keep my name on because like the child support, he would not pay the note. This is whole board is about the stimulus check because for some of us, that is the only money we CAN GET from them.
As far as me saying you should have thought about that before you married him, all you are doing is complaining about how is prior life is affecting your new life. Well face it, he had a family before yours and married or not to his ex wife, he still has to take care of them. Like I said, I hope you never get divorced but if you do, you will be singing the same song we are on here.
If the mom is wasting the money, then take her to court, of he is a much better parent, take her to court.
As far as not complaining about time spent with the kids, that is a whole different message board – remember this is about the stimulus payment.
Wow, Caryn that post is ridiculous. Let me tell you one thing. Do not sit here and tell me about you losing everything sweetie. When my husband left me and my two boys, we lost our house, we lost our husband and father and all the things you are whinning about losing. If your husband would have bent over backwards for his children like you say, then why does he owe back child support?????? On top of what all we lost, I am still paying for his ticket to buy drugs. I am currently filing bankruptcy for a car he was able to keep after our divorce was final but I had to keep my name on because like the child support, he would not pay the note. This is whole board is about the stimulus check because for some of us, that is the only money we CAN GET from them.
As far as me saying you should have thought about that before you married him, all you are doing is complaining about how is prior life is affecting your new life. Well face it, he had a family before yours and married or not to his ex wife, he still has to take care of them. Like I said, I hope you never get divorced but if you do, you will be singing the same song we are on here.
If the mom is wasting the money, then take her to court, of he is a much better parent, take her to court.
As far as not complaining about time spent with the kids, that is a whole different message board – remember this is about the stimulus payment.
Oh and one more comment. For the people who are saying that children are being used for bait, you are letting that person because I do not know any court system that says if you do not pay child support you do not get to see your child. Mine could not pay for the rest of his life and still, I would have to let my children go. Like I said, TAKE EM TO COURT. Now I do agree with problems with Social Services. I have experienced first hand money being held back. Again, another board to complain about. Point being…. The custodial parent (notice I am not saying mom or dad) gets screwed. Either the non-custodial parent does not pay or when the State gets it, they hold it too long so who suffers, the custodial parent and children. Oh and let me say, kids do suffer. When you can barely pay daycare and so forth then other activities come up that you can not afford like other families, yes the children suffer.
To "Mad Mom"
Okay… you apparently pick through what people say and warp it into your own twisted little version. That's your problem, not mine. The key point I made is why do all these custodial MOMS bitch about money MORE than presence? Which of those two is honestly more important to your children?
As for my man… no he was not married to her and if you must know… he had physical custody of their daughter for a year but the only way SHE let this happen is if he didn't take it to court and he continued to pay her $50 a week. One whole damn year we did this just so he could have his daughter live with us. This is how we lost our apartment, because MOM took money AWAY from CHILD by using the system to her advantage. Tell me whatever you want about taking it back to court because I had faith in that too… which is why I convinced him to take it to court after a year and guess what… she won custody back, denied him visitation, and won an increase in support. This is fair to you? Because this is 'the other side'.
I am sorry you decided to have a child with somebody who did not turn out to be the father you had hoped, or if this was an unplanned pregnancy I am sorry about that too. I am sorry that you are stuck more on the money aspect than the presence aspect. I am sorry you are only able to see things one way… but again, that's your problem.
I would never end this relationship I am now, so the thought of doing so is almost a joke. I would be happy living in a cardboard box with my family… because I will still have what matters. We make things work, through thick and thin. But let's just say, for the sake of argument, that the father of my children was not the man I married… but an exboyfriend and I can think of a few that I can't stand so I will even envision somebody I hate. Yes, it would be nice to have them help with child related expenses… daycare and etc. Maybe even help me pay my rent or electric bill, because they are expensive. But the only thing I would EXPECT from any of them would be to be a father in their child's life. That's it. And if one of those deadbeats didn't even do that, I would know in my heart that it is their loss.
I am sure you will come back with some more nasty comments but I am not trying to argue with you. All I am saying is that I agree visitation should be enforced more than payment. Believe it or not, everybody has money problems… everybody can bitch about their money problems and it doesn't matter if you have kids or not… getting by is hard. When you fight and decide to make the most of what you got, you set a better example to your children.
Everyone posting here lately needs to calm down! Please don't judge someone else until you've walked in their shoes.
Let's go back to the days before child support was enforced…..my dad didn't pay a lick to my mom once they divorced when I was 7. The government had us on welfare and commodities. For those of you out there that are young, commodities are real food items that you pick up – these were the days before food stamps.
Women weren't as college educated, as a whole, back then as they are now. It was breaking the government to support all these women and children.
So, nowadays, they strip the, well, usually the fathers of every dime they got so the women stay off welfare.
This is socialism – the taking of one person's assets to give to another. It has become the American way.
Do you know that the Federal Government gives a payment to the states every year based on the amount that they distribute to the custodial parents? I think it's 6%, so we are talking BIG MONEY for the states. It's in the states best interest to get as much money as they can out of the noncustodial so that their coffers are larger.
Meanwhile, if non-custodial's have a life event, like sickness or layoff, or whatever, why do we wonder WHY MEN DON'T WANT TO PAY? Over 90% of the men who go to court for a legitimate reduction are DENIED!
The whole system needs to be revamped to make it more fair and equitable for everyone involved. We need to get the government out of our personal lives! I was willing to work with my ex privately, but no, the state had to step in!
Do you know that over 50% of mother's don't allow their children to be seen AT ALL by the father's? Father's try to take it to court, but it takes big big money to enforce.
Noncustodial's are trapped. I am a custodial and I see it all the time with noncustodial fathers being SCREWED BY SOME EVIL WOMAN.
I do not deny my children's father visitation, wouldn't even DREAM of it. KARMA can be a really bad thing you know.
Not all of us custodial mother's are as evil as people on the other side keep whining about. My child has never met her father. That was HIS choice. He disappeared from the face of our earth as soon as she was born. Being fair, I have let his parents know her, and she has spent many nights at their house. He has not once called and asked how she was. He has never sent a card for birthday or Christmas, and as far as I know he has never acknowledged her existance. He runs from state to state as soon as he is found. He left me in horrible debt for things I never even knew was in my name.
Now my daughter has a wonderful father who loves adores and spoils her rotten like the deadbeatrat should have. Enforcement may work in some cases I agree. But now she is almost 10 years old, and the man I knew is a complete stranger. I would never allow him visitation with her unless it was supervised. Every case is different. And I am still going to laugh all the way to the bank as soon as that stimulus money arrives.
Well Caryn no I am not going to say anything nasty. You are right, we should try walking in another person's shoes. I guess there are lots of loopholes in the system that need to be addressed. But, like I said, usually, the custodial parent and the children loose out so I think it is great if for once money can be found (through taxes and stimulus checks) and be given, great. Now if Social Services holds it, I think that needs to be addressed. I don't know how or if complaining would even help but, I think it is silly for us all to keep bickering back in forth on what we have been through. None of us have walked in one another's shoes and really at the end of the day, if you chose to have children – and yes you make a decision to, you should be responsible not MATTER WHAT financially and by presence in that child's life. I would love nothing more for my ex to see his children than pay money because it kills my children and me to see what they go through. They had a normal loving dad who I married and had kids with and I had a normal husband who got involved in something very bad and they miss their father very much. Trust me I have fussed and fussed to him MORE about seeing are calling his children then the money part and it got me nowhere. I can not force him to see them nor do I want him to if he could care less, children can sense that and that hurts too. However, there is something that can be done financially.Like I said my ex seeing my children that is a totally different post. TI you keep crackin me up with laughing all the way to the bank.
How long does it take to receive a payment from Child Support?
How long does it take the IRS to send it to Child Support and then send it to me?
Does that make sense?
There are definitely two sides to every story and I am beginning to understand them both! Some fathers are good with visitation and contributing and some are good for nothing… Can't the court system take both under consideration. Before assuming that the father is a dead beat, shouldn't they first try out a fair amount of visitation that allows both of the parents to support the child equally. I can understand that some fathers choose to do nothing and in that case fine take his money, he should've been there for his child! But what about those who are there, who have re-married woman who do enforce a relationship with the children from the previous marriage.
I was married to a man with kids. I made sure he saw they loved with us 2 days a week and every other Friday till Monday! Split that in half and its equal time. We clothed them, fed them and supported the house that they slept in. Took them out, and shared family values with them. Also, the Friday that he picked them up for his weekend we paid the after school program therefore it was split equally! So, why does he still have to send $860 a month to their mother if we get nothing to support them while they are with us, keep in mind that thy're are with us 50% of the time? And to add on to that we have them for a month in the summer and still have to make that payment! For who? Shouldn't the court consider that, rather than assume that all fathers are dead beats? Does that seem fair at all? Needless to say we had 3 children of our own that we receive no child support for, and support 365 days a year!
On the other hand, I read situations on this post that I have never faced, so I can't really relate, I can however understand. The struggles that many of you have gone through were rough and I can't imagine the feeling. Maybe it would've been easier if Dad would've taken the child for some time out of the month and suuported half of the child's bills but in some cases that was far from ever happening. So in that case he deserves whatever he gets! And I'm sure that some extra money whenever it comes and however it comes is relieving to a sense and its understandable. There is no justification to abandoning a child both emothionally and financially! Especially for new children!
All I'm saying is that not all fathers are dead beats and they should not all be labeled as one. Also, that us woman have to keep in mind that it may not have worked with you but it may work well with someone else, everyone has the right to move on and be happy. That doesnt give a man the right to aboandon his children at all, but when a marriage fails there are consequences that come with that. I'm speaking very honestly when I say that a lot of the time its not the child that causes the debt, yes they do require money to survive but in some cases the court system obligates a payment from the father that makes it really hard to survive. I can't understand how the court system bases child support on income when in reality every child has the same necessities according to age! I've seen cases where some fathers pay $10 a week and some pay up to $1000! Does that mean that some children are better than others?
Lets be real with eachother… Had the court system enforced equal visitation, rather than money, we may have avoided a lot of the struggles that were faced and a lot of father's abandoning their children… I strongly believe that things would have been a lot different for everyone…
I am the one who wrote that I feel like slapping my stepson everytime he walks in our house, eats our food, etc. I never would actually do this – I'm just being honest about how it makes me feel to see someone who is getting everything he needs while my own children are suffering. After every visit – at least every other weekend, if not more often (whenever the mother has plans, must be nice!), my children are left without milk and cereal to last the week.
My entire stimulus payment was taken and given to her (after the state takes their share – or rather, bills my husband for their share) – even though I filed the Injured Spouse form. I called the IRS, was on hold for 42 minutes, finally got through & once I mentioned that I did file this form, I was transferred twice, then sent back to the beginning voice recording & told that they could not handle my call at that time! I think once the state has taken the money, they will not give it back. I have heard too many cases where a non-custodial parent was overcharged & the response is "too bad, you can't get money back."
And I'm really sick of all you custodial mothers out there (yes, mothers specifically – I rarely hear custodial fathers say this), that "you should have realized what you were getting into when you married him." Did I know what I was getting into? How could I foresee how unfair the system was going to be? I had hopes just like anyone else that gets married, that we could have a happy "normal" life. No chance!
First, he got screwed in his divorce b/cuz he didn't have anyone pay over $5000 for a divorce lawyer for him. He also could not get a state-appointed lawyer b/cuz she made sure that she filed to get one first, thereby disqualifying him from getting one. She got full custody and all their property while he got left with all the bills. He has pretty much had to depend on me since then just to get by! She automatically gets 20% of whatever he earns, when his jobs haven't been scared off by the notices that they have to pay the child support office themselves. He has lost a few jobs just b/cuz of that. When he loses a job or makes less money (he does seasonal construction work – which is very hard on the body btw & I don't know how much longer he can keep it up), he can only get a modification on the day he files, if the court will even grant it.
He has been thrown in jail for past due support & contempt of court b/cuz his cheapie lawyer told him "don't pay her – pay me" and was even jailed on the day before our wedding (I'm still not sure how that happened, his ex is a police officer though, so you tell me). She has illegally accessed any sort of information on him – like when he owned 2 cars & she brought that up in court like as if he were living it up – they were both junkers that barely ran, 1 which was given to him! She has also kept him from seeing his son for about the first 5 years of their separation and divorce & told him that his father had moved away & he'd never see him again. Then, she called the police on him & brought it up in court that he was harrassing her b/cuz he called several times a day & followed her – only because he was frantic over not seeing his little boy. Then, when "visitation" was finally written in a court order, she kept him from seeing his son still. I still remember waiting outside her house on Christmas Eve to go to his family's party, only to see my husband come back with a note saying she had somewhere to be & he'd have to see his son another time. He had filed numerour reports with the police, as instructed, but nothing was ever done!
So, when I hear all these strong-willed women complain how their baby-daddy don't pay enough, I can't help but be saddened by the idea that they are waiting around for a man to come pay their way. Cinderella was a sexist fairy tale & is about as good a plan as waiting to win the lottery. When I hear them say they are "laughing all the way to the bank" – I say, what's wrong with this picture? Money is being used as a way to control non-custodial parents & to keep them from having any hopes of having a decent life. What would these women do if they didn't have children? They'd have to support themselves!
Bottom line, the system is not fair & still operates from the mindset of the 1970's that fathers are deadbeats & should be treated as such. It makes me sick to hear the judge tell my husband to shut up (literally!), while the custodial mother gets to spew all sorts of crap while standing there in her uniform & gaining the courts favor. There has to be a more flexible system so that the courts can assess the entire situation in order to determine what is really in the best interests of the child.
In our case, having this boy's father feel like a loser b/cuz he owes money & that he isn't worthy of any rights is not good for his son. Having his father deemed unneccessary & so guilty about owing money that he does whatever his ex says, will come and go as she says, and even give up his visitation at her will is not good for his son. Being told that his father doesn't care, has moved away, or will never see him again is not good for this child. He has been to a counselor & on anti-depressants – although his mother won't tell my husband why. He has no idea what else she may have subjected his son to. We think her rich boyfriend may be abusive towards him, but we can't do or say anything about it. We know we wouldn't have a chance in court.
If it weren't for all the injustices that have been heaped upon us, I would have no problems with this kid, who for the most part has been a pretty good kid. But having a resentful stepmother is also not good for this child. I cannot let my guard down when it comes to him because I never know what can happen next. I have to divorce my husband just so I can escape from some of his ex-wife's control & the stigma of his being a "non-custodial parent who is in arrears". I also have to separate myself from someone who has now turned to selling drugs as a way of trying to keep afloat. I cried when he told me of this plan – he is putting all of us in danger, but he can see no other way to make money & try to keep our house.
That is why I would never, ever try to punish someone with the prospect of taking away their income if they can't afford it. I would never try to make them feel like a bad person b/cuz they don't make enough money. I feel angry enough at her ability to get her hands on my hard earned income; I cannot imagine someone coming & forcing me to give up almost half of what I earned – & then anytime I have an opportunity to earn more, they threaten to take more. What's the point? I think I would just want to end my life right there – it seems to be the only way out of hell. (Some have even done so, sadly, but somehow those stories never make it into the news. It's just not a popular viewpoint right now).
yea it's nice and all that we get there rebates, but what about the buttholes who know we'll get it, so they just don't file. They'd rather no one get there money then their children. And god forbid their kids get sick or need orthodonic work or they'll lose their front teeth cuz he dropped them from his insuranse and moved without let his kids know where he is. He hasn't seen his kids in over 2 years cuz his new wife woun't let him. In the past 6 years he's seen his kids maybe 15 times. My new husband has been a great father so maybe it's for the best. It's not good to have him in and out of their lives right. They boy 13 hates his dad. the girl 11 she want to know why he ain't here. I don't like to speek bad about him in front of them i don't want to say he's not aloud to see you so i gotta act dumb ans say i don't know what happened to him i hope he's ok?????
T
I read your story the first time you told it…and as I have said everyone's case is different. It will not stop ME from laughing my way to the bank. I have no qualms about taking my exdeadbeatrats money. None what so ever.
Everyone has their right to say what they want. There is no one true right, or wrong in any case. You do qualify for injured spouse from the stimulus plus any child you claimed on your taxes qualifies with you.
I still cannot get over how you feel for your stepson. I understand your reasoning and hatred towards the mother…but it still is apalling to read.
I applaud you for leaving him. Drugs is never an answer.
I do not pity you. I do not think you want that. But I certainly hope you find an answer somewhere that can bring you inner peace.
I just happened to stumble on this web site. I just wanted to say to all the women out there to stop whining and be glad you have your kids.
I was divorced from an abusive man in 1988. My 2 boys never got a dime. The court never even ordered him to pay at the time as he had a medical condition that kept him form working. They said if he did stat getting an income( which he did) to come back and they would adjust it. I never could afford it so I WORKED! Gee, what a concept. Working to support your children. Now 20 years later I am raising my grandson and with no child support. I will not go after the parents for money. it would just make more legal problems for them. You support your family because you love them, and there will come a day when your kids understand that so don't bash the other parent and drag them back and forth to court. It is hard enough on children.
I don't pity you either… however I really hope you are ending this marriage for reasons other than the whole child support BS you are going through. I may be the onloy person who can hear you say how you feel about your stepson and I actually understand. I know you don't really hate him… but that resentment you feel is not your fault, you can't help it, and it can sometimes show.
I know because, as everyone knows with my situation, we have 3 children living with us who all are blessed with the life lesson of appreciating the little that you do have (a very good value if I may say so) while they have one sister who is a spoiled rotten little brat, she gets everything she wants and then some, has no gratitude or respect, and she is 10 now and can tell you all about Prada and Gucci. She is going to grow up into a stuck up bitch (like her mom), and as her stepmom I know I sound just awful saying something like that about her. I do love her, and I try to instill the same values with her that I do with my older stepdaughter and my two boys. Unfortunately, the concept of 'working to earn something' will never stick with her, as she has learned from her mother that getting what you want doesn't have to come attached to anything you don't want to do.
All I am saying is that I know exactly how you feel about your stepson. Everytime I hear this girl bragging to her sister about her Nintendo DS, the amusement park she went to over the weekend, the vacation she is going on in a few weeks, her new cell phone, bla bla bla yatta yatta yatta it breaks my frikking heart because I know that her sister is someone who has never really had anything her whole life. So, as awful as it is… I favor the older sister. I'll admit it, here and now, that when I do get some extra cash… when I start a big assignment with a new client (I do freelance writing) I will set aside so much money for the older one and take her shopping or even just give her money to spend as she pleases. I might be nice and take the younger stepdaughter to the dollar store, or buy her something cheap… because I am not trying to favor one over the other… they are all my children. But this is my guilty little secret, so I understand yours. It's not his fault, and you know that, that he was raised by a selfish person so he has selfish tendencies of his own. It's not your fault that you feel frustrated with him because watching your own children suffer while another gets everything is a very frustrating thing to go through.
This is also why I do sympathise with anyone who is in the cliche scenario of a deadbeat dad who doesn't help financially AND is not around. This is also why I can understand why somebody would 'laugh all the way to the bank'. You too have every right to feel that way. If I were to get a big check, I would do the same. Our family of 5 only recieved $600 for the stimulus, because they don't factor things evenly, they divide things right down the middle. That's what happens in marriage, and yes it's frustrating but I have never bitched about that.
The problem I have is when both parents are equally involved in a child's life, like that whole every other weekend, holidays, and all summer long split visitation and the noncustodial STILL has to pay that massive percentage of their paycheck to the custodial… this is CLEARLY not for the kids. Being based on income is another joke I don't get, because that's like saying 'your kid is worth $200/month, and yours is worth $2000 a month.'
My 6 week old baby is possibly the most expensive child we have, and I am estimating he costs us about $200. Of course, I don't need to use an expensive daycare… I do have a babysitter when needed (or wanted) but I am sure daycare is expensive at about $150 a week. That's a pretty big bill. It's almost what I spend in gas for the week. I would hate to have to do that on my own and without help if ever needed. I have full respect for anyone who does do it on your own, and I honestly lose respect for those who continuously complain because someone else isn't helping them make that payment.
If you want to talk about addons… this is another joke! My husband is court ordered to pay: $120/week, plus 'addons' which is (get this:) 50% of 'whatever she says'. So there is daycare (when there is no reason for her to go to a daycare… I am always home with the other kids and I would gladly take care of her while her mother is at work), karate class, clothing expenses (and don't think of buying her anything at Walmart because "that's just disgusting") and then whatever other miscellaneous things she can come up with. So somebody please tell me, since we are feeding her and caring for her 50% of the time, AND paying 50% of all this other stuff… what exactly is that $120 a week for?! Whatever, I'm done complaining about this situation because it's just a waste of mental energy.
Before I go though, I want to get back to what I started out writing to say. IF you love him, don't end your marriage over this child support situation. I am not saying it's okay for him to turn to drugs, but selling them is something many fathers do because they have to. You make a lot of 'under the table' money selling drugs, so no judge can factor an unreasonable percentage to take from this income and it allows people to actually make those payments. With all these rising costs, people who recieve their full paychecks are still struggling and living paycheck to paycheck. It is very hard for somebody to make it when there is 20% or whatever being taken out of that paycheck. No that doesn't make it okay, but selling drugs seems like your only hope in this situation. As fo rusing drugs, it's basically the same thing, an act of hopelessness and helplessness.
All I'm saying is if you love him, and he loves you, no there's no easy way out of this but maybe you can help eachother to find the strength to make it through this. Loe is more important, and you'd be surprised but it can help you make it through anything if you let it.
Just wanted people to know I just got his (the exdeadbeatrats) stimulus check direct deposited into my Florida Child Support Mastercard. He did not contest it and apparently he filed a single not joint claim , and the amount is for $1200.
Even better because I was expecting only $600.
He still owes me over 18k though.
Cha-ching!
Oh… I have a favor to ask of everyone who has a story to bitch about with the child support system. If you wouldn't mind your story being published in a book about the "catch with the child based family law system", please e-mail me with your story (and consent to publish your story).
I am not looking for one side either, because I know that both ends can be screwed over. Also, if anyone wants to share their ideas of what could make the system work better…
Well I kind of stand on both sides of the fence here. This maybe confusing, so I'll explain in as much detail how I came to be on both sides and how I am dealing with it.
I decided to leave my son's father 5 years ago, after 9 years of being together(from 18-26) . I knew when I got pregnant with my son, one day I would be taking care of him on my own. For these reasons… my son's father already had 3 other children he did not see or provide for (although until I interveined and helped him to have a real relationship) 2 he had an alcohol and anger problem and finally 3 because he was still immature and thought the world was always against him. Sure I made a bad choice in my son's father, but I have no regrets… I love my son more than words could ever say.
Anyways, I had to get my son's father out of the house becuase of his temper. He wasn't taking the break up too nicely. So in the process of that, he refused to leave, so I had to file a restraining order because of his violent nature. There is no reason for my son to have to be uprooted from his home for this deranged man to live in for free. So we went to court and I played nice. I didn't ask for child support and I didn't set visitation limits. It was all open. But my son's father was a control freak. He wanted me to drop what I was doing every single day to see his son. When we did finally make arrangements, he took off with my son and had me chasing him around town for 6 hours. I was a nervious wreck. I had no idea what he would do or where he was going. Needless to say, that's when I stopped playing nice.
After all that and more, I still didn't ask for any child support. I figure if child support is not established, neither will visitation. He has NO rights to my son!!!! It's not because he doesn't pay child support voluntarily or involuntarily but because he is a bad influence and constantly fills my sons head with crap. He misses very important times in our son's life because he is too worried about making my life miserable and threatening to kill me. But I have never stepped in unless I felt I had to. My son has the right to know his father and in due time he will soon see the kind of man I know he really is. But that is for him to figure out. I protect my son the best I can, without taking away and becoming "the bad person". It took him eluding the police and on the run to another state to actually be able to semi move on. I have no idea what life would be like if he hadn't ran, or if I'd still have one.
Its been 5 years of hell with my son's father, but I am surviving and still have not asked for support. I am not on welfare, nor do I ever plan to be. We live fair I must say. I don't make alot, but I make due with what I have.
I got married about 3 years ago. This is where the other side of the fence comes in. I knew my husband had issues when I met him. Like 3 children by 3 different women and mental disabilities. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I chose to marry him and my plan is to work through it the best I can. I am the only one working because my husband's disability prevents him from working. He is in the process of fighting for disability. I said earlier he has 3 children. All three baby's mothers have taken him to court for child support. He has been threated to be put in jail, his dl has been striped from him etc.
So even though his doctor has written letter after letter, the courts won't hear it. Child support continues to stack up and it almost seems hopeless at times. Before they took him off pay or appear, I had to be the one who paid his support each week, just to keep him out of jail. His support on one child is $120/month, child 2 is $367/month, and child 3 is $437/month. That totals $924.00 a month, that is $214.00 a week. And you look at my situation and think the courts are fair? They do not take in consideration all three child support cases when determining the amount per month because they are not current. Well DUH, they have doctor's letters explaining why.
Going from being a single mother to a mother to my now husband and son is a toughy.
My husband is denied the right to see any of his children because he doesn't pay child support (imagine that). He is a really good father to my son and my son tells him that all the time.
All 3 of my husband's kid's mothers knew the struggles he faced before they got pregnant. They knew he did not have the means to support himself then when they were with him, so why would they expect any differently now. They choose to make things harder on everyone. My husband can not offer them money, but he can offer the loving support that every child needs, but they beg to differ. I feel these women are greedy and are not looking out for the best interest of the child. None of them.
I filed married filing jointly with an injured spouse claim. I support our entire household, so ofcourse I expect to get money back from supporting my husband. I have been by his side through the entire 2 years plus that we have been fighting for his disability ( with only my income to keep us afloat). So ofcourse I expect to get something back on my income tax for having to carry all of us. They didn't touch any of my tax return, but they did take half of my stimulus check. How was he enititled to any of it, he has never worked and did not have at least $3000 worth of income.
I have nothing to do with his back child support yet they took money that could have helped our entire family. I am not on welfare at all, while the baby's mothers are. And with their live in boyfriends that are bringing in extra income to them, the courts see it as a "roommate". Go figure. It must be nice to ride the system. I couldn't look myself in the mirror everyday and be proud of that. I don't nor will I ever expect someone to carry me.
My point is everyone has a different situation. I am struggling to make it on my own without support, yet I get penalized for trying to support someone else. I know I stepped into the situation blindly in some ways, but why be punished when I am only trying to make a life better for me, my son, my husband and my husbands children. In all my efforts, I really do have what is best for everyone in mind.
I am a strong woman. And each day I wake up and look myself in mirror, I am proud to be who I am. I set my goals and WORK my way to them. Yes I wish sometimes things could be different, but it is what it is and I have no choice but to make the best out of it.
Let me clear one thing up. I never said that both parents shouldn't have the responsibility in taking part financially or phsyically in their child life, because I feel they should. But each situation is different and there shouldn't be a set standard for everyone. Some people have reasons or situations out of their control, some do it out of spite, some are just ignorant, some are really trying but is never enough.
To other strong women making the best out what you have to work with, more power to you. To those who seek revenge through their children, Karma is a —– and someday it may come back to haunt you.
Faith
I applaud you on being a sane capable woman. Every situation is different.
I do not think I would have such hatred to my exdeadbeat rat so much had he not forged my signature then left me in such terrible debt with things I never saw or even knew about. I tried to get it changed to his name but without proof, there was nothing I could do except A- allow my credit record to go down the drain or B-pay it off. So I have no quandries on using this money after struggling so long.
To each their own
Good luck in your marraige and endeavours.
My husband owes back child support. I just found out that the Federal gov didnt process our injured spouse form and it will take another 45 days to apply it to the stimulus payment. They gave it all to his ex! It was supposed to have been processed 2 1/2 months ago and they tossed it aside. Then they told me that she will get half of my kids payment also. Why is she entitled to 1/2 of the whole payment? I'm the one who works and supports my kids. My 2 year old has a heart defect and my husband stays home to take care of him as he cant be around people that are sick as he will die. My husband is Native American and gets payments from his tribe and that is what pays his child support. Granted he owes 5000 yet but at one point he owed almost 14000.00. He has one daughter that is in Foster care (removed from his ex-wife) and we are fighting to get custody. But she is 16 and just came up pregnant while in foster care and she doesnt want to live with us. So for some reason the court has decided to leave her in state custody so we the taxpayers have to pay for her and this grandchild. When does a 16 year old get her way? Oh yeah he also has a 13 year old that we are going to court for. They are trying to remove him from his ex's care. His exwife has came up positive for drugs 3 times now. She had the balls to cry in court about how she works 6-7 days a week to make ends meet. YEAH TO SUPPORT YOUR DRUG HABIT, not your kids. My husband is supposed to go to court this Monday for child support and we are telling the judge about how they are still tacking on child support to his ex for a child that has been in state (tribal) custody for a year now. Meanwhile his ex is getting money to support kids (She has denied visitation to the kids for the past 9 years and we went to court and she refused to come, so we were told by the judge we would have to hire a lawyer to hold her in contempt) that arent even in the home and shes using child support to support her drug habit. Oh and they have lived in a homeless shelter 3 times and it is all our fault! I dont think so. So she is out spending my stimulus money while my kids are worried about me buying food. So to all you custiodal parents out there (YES I AM ONE ALSO, my 11 year old is not my husband, and YES MY EX DOESNT PAY ON HER EITHER) use the money to support your kids and not your habits! Also bit of info if your ex owes the state of Kansas his stimulus will go to them instead of the $10,000.00 in back child support he owes you. I didnt get a dime of his tax return or stimulus. TO ALL THE SPOUSES WHO FILE INJURED SPOUSE, if you havent gotten your part of the money demand a investigation when you call the 1-800 #. It took me 4 times before they told me they screwed up!
Child support laws are messed up. The laws were made to support children. What about the children who live with the parent who owes? They get nothing. No Disneyland, no name brand clothes, they get left overs if any. How can somebody catch up on backed owed if the government charges such high taxes on the amount owed. The Law to pay was made, why can't we get it changed to make it fair. The ones who pay get punished for the ones who don't. It doesn't have to be this way, we can change it, make it fair.
Kris , go back a read what you wrote. You are using the excuse that YOU had more children, so in your mind the child before does not need support? The support is for the children. Children do not ask to be born. I do not think one should suffer either. Get off your ass and support all of your kids
Robin, i think ur putting words in my mouth. Lets get this straight, first of all i m not excusing anything. One should support their own for damm sure! Second of all ur not in my mind to know what i m thinking. Duh! children don't asked to be born. Their innocent in this money/power game. All the children are. But it's still doesn't make it right to take away from the kids who come later. Its shitty people like u who try to turn their words around to make people sound bad, SHAME ON U!
Robin, it sounds like u have a bone to pick! Get over ur "i support my own boys by working 2 jobs, and going to school like all year". Oh yeah "and i sell avon" well it sounds like u don't really need the support. What do u want a brownie? I think i know who had the balls in ur ex family..LOL!
It means I do not count on people who don't value there children enough to support them. You can lol all you want I have a wonderful family, PRIDE and DRIVE something you are lacking. Yep you are right I work and suppliment me income to make ends meet through Avon, and yes I go to school all year to make my kids future a tad bit easier. Shame on Me. Go take some classes your self and stop making excuses..you can do it
One more thing sweetie—I would prefer a my EX stimulas check instead of a brownie please
FYI, My ex owes , but that has nothingto do with visitation, he goes 1/2 summer and everyother weekend.. unless he is working and can't make it
Sure school sound great, maybe i'll take a class on "How To Feel Sorry For Myself". Then go home and cry all day, then get on the net tell people how f##ked up i m. Oh wait thats what u do……
Thats a good parent, you have lots of drive to make your life and your childrens life better. Seriously…..you can go a better your life anyone can if they want to. Whininng gets no one no where fast. Good luck
If whininng gets u no where fast, then why r u on this site whinning about $?
Robin, sorry no sympathy here. U opened ur legs… ur kids father is not only too blame soo man up and take ur half. I m sure u had to have some idea he was a looser. Many people are in denial. Don't expect looser fathers to man up. He wasn't a man when u slept w/him, hes still not. I hope u choose better men to do! peace out!
Yes u r correct married people have sex I was guilty of having sex with my husband. I wonder if you were married or just making kids you can't support. I am not the one crying about it you are LMAO. I actually went to this site to learn about the law of it and it turned out to be a blog. And no I do not think bad thoughts of him, because yes he owes , however he spend time with his son and thats the best thing ever. I admit I get upset at times. I still am happy I am getting the check and he is happy to have it paid down a bit. I bet that pisses u off more, cause you seem like that type .
FYI>>>>it seems your talking about yourself or your ex not manning up. Why else would your check be going to someone else???????
oh my badd…u seem upset…must be all those hrs of work and schooling cuz ur the only one in the world who does that. Its funny how ur bitching about this guy who screwed u, now ur defending him..WTF! ur messed up n the head. How sad…Get ur S##T straight.
FyI>>>> u sound smart as rat running in front of a semi. I bet ur still alone. Ur probably going to stay that way. Yes sooo sad… I suggest u stop putting blame on other people. No u don't a brownie cuz u don't deserve one. Its ur responsibility to care for ur own kids. I handle mine. I m not crying and trying to hate just cuz i put myself in a bad situation. It's time to move on. You need to realize money isn't everything. It's money hungry O's like ur selves that hurt the system. I ve said it once and i'll say it again 'SHAME ON YOU!
Nope wrong again dumb ass. Giggle
But I am spending way to much time typing this message to you. I know your kind, you feel sorry for your self, then you lash out, poor baby, why havn't gotton a second job yet,,,oh your to busy on the computer, does your kid(s) have one? Are you a two pack a day– beer can crusher that can afford beer and smokes , but not to treat your kids right? Well I am now not going to waste one more moment on this issue, cause all in all its your kids and everyone elses kids that grow up poor, because of unmodivated ass's on either side. Of course there is the exclusions like the disabled, or people who now have it together and are trying. Have a wonderful day
Robin, I think its funny how pathetic u r. First u complain about deadbeat dads. Then u defend ur's. Which is it DUMB ASS? You put people down and criticize their actions as if u actually know what the hell ur talking about. You claim u wanted information from this site but i think ur here to get pity. Funny…haha… do i have a computers for my kid(s) how long did it take to think that up..LOL!!!!! FYI im not a drinker or smoker and i don't feel sorry for myself cuz i don't have to. Unlike ur self i have made better choices in my life and the only thing i feel sorry about at this point, is ur kids, cuz their innocent and don't deserve a money hungry mama…hehehe! Soo sad…they're future trash of America. I don't think they stand a chance with a deadbeat dad and mama. Stop and seek help, u need it. With all the jobs u worked, who's been there to raise ur kids? I think ur materialistic and just angry cuz "$100 isn't enough" whaaa!whaaa! If u learn to manage $ then it's more than enough. Some of us do got it together,I bet u wish u did! See ya hopeless!!!
After reading the bantering back and forth between Kris and Robin, I wonder when did this become some kind of battle? I am sorry but Kris, SHAME ON YOU! Go back to school! Learn to spell! Learn correct punctuation. Your illiteracy is obvious.
You are the one that started with the 'What about the children who live with the parent who owes? They get nothing. No Disneyland, no name brand clothes, they get left overs if any.' Children did not ask to be born. But now they are here, maybe you should have learned to use a condom instead of blaming a married woman 'opening her legs'. Foul statement! All I see is you bashing a single mom who is making it. And your rude comments, SHAME ON YOU! I agree, some cases are wrong how they turn out, but in the end, a man and a woman is responsible for a child. You should not have had more children had you known you would end up whining (that is the proper spelling btw) about having no money and attempting to criticize a mother who is making it.
You should go back and READ what you have been saying. You also said this: 'But it's still doesn't make it right to take away from the kids who come later.' So what you are saying is..you pay child support for a child UNTIL you have other children then you should not have to pay child support on the first child(ren)? You cannot put a child on a shelf and take it down when it is convenient to YOU. I think you have your priorities messed up.
Learn to spell and punctuate.
Stop blaming everyone else for your failings.
And stop pointing fingers at people who instead you should follow their example.
What a bunch of "COMPLAINERS" stay off the net and take care of those kids of yours!! For you to sit there and "COMPLAIN" what are your kids doing while you are all on here…. here's the answer your probably telling your kids to leave you alone while you write back and forth. Meanwhile "Robin" claims to have 2 jobs. So why the hell are you on here if you are so busy with work and school, and by school you mean internet school while your loading your face while your kids try to get your attention. Hurry better go get that check in the mail befor you forget…don't hurt yourself while you hurdle over your kids! "Feel sorry for me aka Robin" I'm so angry no one will give you the time of day, with an attitude like the one you have!! Focus on life move ahead. Whats done is done!! walk forwards not backwards "Robin"- You are a person who is always looking over your shoulder more then you should, by that i mean you have stepped in crap one too many times. Qiut your complaining FOCUS on YOUR KIDS and NOT THE MONEY!! Plan ahead not backwards the future is tomorrow not yesterday!! As for "POOR LITTLE ME aka TI" If illiteracy is obvious then why even comment seems you have problems too. Take care of those kids, or are you just mad since you don't get attention either. Quit your crying also do something instead. Go to school take the short yellow bus so you can feel special again. Is it that bad in the world. Get off your butts and do something. Focus on your kids and not anger. If you can make it on your own then why complain? Is something holding you back? Or are you just afraid you will never get ahead. !!!!Think before you comment back!!!! P.S. is it worth it
When it comes to child support I only have one question… How much is your child worth? (Support isn't based on child expenses, instead it is based on noncustodial income.)
I have 2 sons and 2 stepdaughters. One of my stepdaughters lives with us and her mother is the perfect example of a 'deadbeat parent'… but- get this- WE DON'T COLLECT SUPPORT FROM HER! Could we use the extra money? Of course. But we make it just fine. There is such thing as working hard to earn everything you have, instead of sitting back and bitching about what somebody else isn't doing to contribute. Are we struggling? Of course… but who isn't!
There's a thing I wish every adult would show, called responsibility. It's not okay for one parent to dodge responsibility, but it's really annoying when the other does more bitching than stepping up to counter balance. And it's just sickening when somebody 'milks the system'.
Should the absent parent pay for diapers, day care, clothes, food, school supplies, etc.? Yes, they SHOULD. Should they be paying half your rent and electric? Absolutely not. Grow up and take care of your self.
Might I mention that the other stepdaughter lives with her mother, she is with us over half the year and she recieves 75% of my husbands income when you factor in that the judge grants legal obligation to whatever addons she wants to come up with. This spoiled little child enjoys 5 star dining and name brand clothes. My two boys, and my other stepdaughter are all thankful for second hand or Walmart brand clothes and homecooked meals. Yes, this bothers me and you'll see I have much to complain about this system on our end.
But I stepped up to the plate and I devote my money to supporting my two sons and my other stepdaughter. When I get a new client, I take them each out and spoil the shit out of these kids cause they deserve it, and also cause they don't expect it. If you can get your nails done on your child support check, you are getting too much for child support and shame on you for not thinking twice about taking somebody else's money to spend on yourself when it is meant to balance those child related expenses.
All hatred aside, there are a lot of stereotypes but when it comes down to it this forum obviously holds the view that the system could use some changes. Why not propose some ideas on how it could improve?! (I loved the idea that visitation should be enforced and that the system should not focus so much on money)
Thomas- I am very happily married with ONE child. She has everything she needs thank you. As for getting off my butt as you so delicately put it, I do work thank you. I have gone to college. Your redneck ghetto friend Kris is whom you should be pointing fingers at about going back to school on his little short yellow bus instead of licking windows. And I will STILL laugh all the way to the bank everytime I recieve money from the exdeadbeatrat. I ask for no pity. Your : "POOR LITTLE ME aka TI" was rather humourous. If you HAD read previous posts, you will see I am not asking anyone for pity.
Instead, as I have said, I am laughing all the way to the bank.
Your anger at females is amusing.
Keep it up, Sunshine!!
How can I get my stimulus check faster? I don't want it to be withheld. I've just learned that I'm likely to be sued for child support. Apparently, they've got some crazy law in New Mexico. I don't want to pay as I'm not responsible for the child. I was a sperm donor for a same-sex couple that wanted a child. Well, things didn't work out and they've split up. They are fighting over the kid and trying to get me on the hook for support.
Caryn, I agree with you. The focus should be on the kids not the money. It sounds like your doing a great job. I think both parents should support their kids no matter what but at the same time it shouldn't mean the non cust. parent should have to pay the other parents bills.
Ti, If you work then you got a Stimulus check for you and your kid. Your just like Robin, money hungry…how sad because there is more to life. GROW UP GIRL!!!
Ti you are a dumb! Oops! wait my grammar is messed up, I should go back to school! Hahah… You're probably one of those control freaks, I feel sorry for your wife…I can already tell by your typo, you're OLD, or just really LAME. Anyways, your comments put me to sleep. Thanks!
PS:I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? ☺
Kris-You do not know me. I do not ask for anyone's pity. My exdeadbeatrat did not give me a dime for 7 years. 7 Years I struggled raising not only my daughter but my nephew with no government help. On my own. I barely kept food on the table. Clothes were second hand store bought. I went many times without eating so that they could. Do NOT lecture me on what I deserve. My exdeadbeatrat still owes my daughter 18k. I am now very happily married and need nothing. So the money when we get it goes to things for my daughter. It will not make up the years we went without. It will not replace the man that walked out of our life and has never even met her. I am not money hungry. My comment on getting my nails done previously is called SARCASM which some of you people seem to not understand. Think what you want of me. My husband is adopting my daughter, and once that is through, we are asking child support to stop adding to the arrears the exdeadbeatrat owes. I have already been told I cannot stop the arrears from being paid but no new moneys will be deducted from his checks. Does he live in poverty? Does he struggle week to week? I really do not care. He wanted a kid so bad and then when I had one he disappeared. Every money that he gets extra, ie:stimulus and taxes, it goes to pay his debt. She deserves the money. I can work and still get his money. Do not point your Almighty finger at me. You yourself are not perfection. And I will STILL laugh my way all the way to the bank everytime. I have gone without for years. That makes me vindictive. Your point?
kamiasashia-Obviously you cannot read. I am female. Duh
Caryn have good points. What is child worth? How about you sell child?
Ha-ha Ti your still lame…
Everyone else is complaining about their deadbeat dads and how they had to do it on their own, so it's my turn!
I am so sick of giving these 3 kids, one of which isn't mine, second hand clothes while some bitch is running around putting only name brand clothes on her only daughter and bitching at my husband because god forbid he loses a job and can't afford to pay her $120 every single week. I am so damn sick and tired of her literally yelling at him, calling him a deadbeat dad because he hasn't paid support in a week because he lost his job because after paying her he didn't have the money to make it to work.
I am so frikking sick and tired about fighting over money when we both make enough to support these kids, but that doesn't matter because legally he has to pay one kid more than he needs to and what's left puts us below the poverty line but that doesn't matter because nobody ever counts support paid out when factoring income.
I am so frikkin sick and tired of that bitch telling him he is a deadbeat dad, when she doesn't ever even have that daughter… we do! Every damn day we watch her, we feed her, while she is either at work or out partying with one of her many wealthy boyfriends.
I am so frikking sick and tired of this shit!!!! I am sick of the fact that the man I married is such a great father who will bend over backwards for his kids, but in the end it doersn't matter because in that bitch's eyes, as well as the courts and even half the mothers in here that isn't true just because he hasn't paid his support in over a month.
He didn't have a job! I had to carry the weight for both of us, supporting our two sons, one of my stepdaughter (I refuse to pay his child support for him because I think the amount is a frikking joke. $120 a week for a 10 year old?!) I paid the bills, I bought the diapers and the food. With or without his help I did what I had to do. I still fed and watched the other stepdaughter (and don't get me stsrted on her bragging to her sister about her Nintendo DS and all these other expensive toys she gets).
I'm just sick of this whole frikking situation. I don't care if you agree with me or not, but I'm sick of everybopdy bitching about it and nothing ever changes.
Who is going to sit there now and go against me, telling me my husband is a deadbeat dad, huh? Who is actually going to sit there and say that he should 'man up to his responsibility' and that his responsibility is to pay some money hungry bitch $120 a week? Go ahead… let's hear the feedback now!
I don't think this will be resolved until Ti and Kamasashia find a neutral trailer park and have a go at each other.
Perhaps we can get Caryn and her hubby's other spawning partner on the undercard…
Ti, "cry me a river"
Carl, you did something nice for someone and now your getting slapped in the face. Thats not cool. What happens to the child? Just curious…
The situation is definitely messed up. The birth mother has custody (as I believe she should). She and her former partner are fighting over the child and the partner will be granted at least visitation. Although I was not even in the same building when the child was conceived I'm likely to be held liable (to some degree) financially. I just don't want to have to pay to both if they get joint custody.
Carl- Your story is very interesting to me. I want to be sure I understand correctly, that you were a sperm donor for a same sex couple, and that when their relationship ended you were held liable for the financial obligation of the child?
I would like a more detailed version of your story if you don't mind sending it to caryn@anne-ominous.com so I can interview you for a book I am working on. I'd appreciate your story!
~*Caryn*~
They have not pursued this yet but I am concerned that I would be able to be held liable. Just as many divorces are nasty, there have been unpleasant things said during this parting. I've learned that an appeals court in New Mexico has just upheld a decision to make donors liable for child support. I'm not in New Mexico but I'm afraid that it would be held as precedent and I need to get lawyered up.
Carl Valdez on August 13, 2008 2:44 pm
I don't think this will be resolved until Ti and Kamasashia find a neutral trailer park and have a go at each other.
Sorry but I will not lower myself to the childish bantering this idiot is doing. How mature. Besides, my question was answered. I recieved his stimulus check and that was the reason for me using this blog.
Good luck Caryn with your book.
Good luck Carl with what ever comes of your circumstances.
Cheers!
Oh you people that cry because your taxes and stimulus payments have been offset by the government because you or your spouse owes child support…..
WELL WA WA WA CRY ME A FREEKIN RIVER…. DO YOU IDIOTS NOT RELIZE THAT ITS THE KIDS THAT SUFFER WHEN THEY DONT GET THE CHILD SUPPORT FROM THEIR DEADBEAT PARENT????
FOR ONE YOU MIGHT AS WELL ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE WILL BE PAYING OFF THAT DEBT TO THE END, AND IF YOU ARE HURT AND SADDEND BY THAT THEN YOU ARE JUST AS DUMB AS YOUR IDIOT OF A SPOUSE THAT COULDNT KEEP UP WITH THE CHILDSUPPORT TO BEGIN WITH…
IN MY CASE MY EX OWES MY DAUGHTER 5000.00 IN BACKPAY, AND GUESS WHAT HE SLIPPED THRU THE CRACKS AND GOT HIS STIMULUS CHECK, AND GUESS WHAT MY 2 YEAR OLD GOT… BIG FAT ZERO…. WE ARE STILL WAITING FOR IS FEDERAL, DO YOU THINK WE WILL GET THAT HELL NO EVEN THOU HE IS CERTIFIED BY THE STATE CHILD SUPPORT OFFICE TO HAVE ALL MONIES OFFSET!!!! BUT HE STILL SITS ON HIS LAZY RUMP, AND IS 90 DAYS DELINQUENT IN CHILD SUPPORT, WONT GET A JOB… WOW YOU THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS!!!
NOW FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE THAT ARE BOO HOOING BECAUSE YOU GOT SCREWED OUT OF MONEY, WELL WHAT ABOUT YOUR STEP-CHILDREN??? WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK RAISED THOSE CHILDDREN WHILE YOUR NEW SPOUSE WAS OUT JACKING OFF AND GETTING BEHIND ON CHILDSUPPORT???… IN MOST CASES ITS THE RESPONSIBLE PARENT STUCK FORKING OVER EVERYTHING, SO THE CHILD CAN HAVE THE BEST POSSIBLE LIFE… THATS WHO!!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE RELIZED THAT HE OR SHE OWED BACK CHILDSUPPORT FROM THE VERY START, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU MARRIED THEM HUH!
Jr. freek
Well said
It is so funny how people that owe state that the parent who is owed is money hungry. Do they actually read what they write? Do they not understand what support is for? Do they not comprehend that c/s is to aidie in raising the child they help make? Do people not understand why a parent would be happy to recieve money from this stimulas check, because they have not been helped by the non cust. parent. Is this how stupid people really are? If a child is yours you must do these things: BOTH PARENETS!!!!!!
Be a healthy role in there life, Help support them with ALL needs, Encourage them to be better than you are. Protect them .
It really is not about money it is about NEEDS , and some needs cost. So please just think about it before you respond with a bunch of crap.
Robin
If that's the case then why is "child support" based on income? Doesn't every child according to age require the same necessitites? So why is it that if one father makes more he pays more and if one father makes less he pays less? Does that make any sense at all? Its not that supporting your child is wrong, it's just that the way the system is set up is wrong! I repeat one more time, I'm a single mother of 3! 2 of which are still under 3 years old. It's not as hard as some of you make it seem. Ask yourself why the court system only found a way to enforce the financial aspect of the situation however couldn't find a way to send a man to jail for skipping visitation! We can hunt him down for money but we can't hunt him down for not seeing his child! If both parents are mandated to share equal amount of time with the children then both parents are technically supporting the child equally. There is a better way you just don't wanna see it… To each its own!
Do not try to speak for everyone. My kids father is around , I do not have to seek him out to spend time with his boys. As far as making people see there children, by sending them to jail…Just think of what you said? If someone is made to see there kids they are not any kind of person I want around my children. Do you not think the child will hear" I have to see you or I will go to jail" Sick people who do not value there own children enough to see them is scary. Futhermore if a cust. parent is keeping a child away from a non cust parent should lose there child to the non cust. parent. Here in FL the judge looks for the parent who is most willing and able to promote a child parent-relationship with the non cust. parent.
Child support is based on BOTH parties income and the cost of childcare, healthcare and needs. Its a income worksheet. The way it is figured is the child should not lose out, due to a split between parents. They keep the income following for that reason. If one makes more in a relationship prior to the seperation than that person assumed more than the other parent for whatever reason. In my case I actually made more than my ex so my percent was higher than his, but because of childcare he is not the custodail parent, so he pays a higher percentage of daycare cost. I hold and pay health insurance on my children through work, so he is responsbile for healping pay that portion( which does not included co payments I pay all year round).
So if you are speaking of moms or dads who are custodail parents that chosse to make less so they get more c/s than they are wrong, but for most of the people I know that is not the case. I do know sometimes it does not seem " fair" to ALL OF US. Sometimes it is hard, but it depends what kind of drive a person has. I have made ends meet time and time again, but that does not mean he is not held accountable….So think about that
You know, ive read alot of these post and my husband has to pay for 2 sons the youngest over $900.00 a month. While his ex is remarried and has two more children.Doesnt work. the son comes here looking like a pauper half the time and do you really think his mother uses all that money on him? im guessing not even half. And he stays here all the time.Everytime I turn around there going on vacation somewhere. While my kid gets nothing. I really get mad because we cant even pay our own bills. I really wish child support should be based on the childs needs.
Ok… So it sounds crazy for a FATHER to go to jail for not spending time with his child, but its okay for a FATHER to go to jail for not supporting his child? Yeah that explains it all… I think its worst for a father to get away with not seeing the child rather than not supporting him. Also, if its so HORRIBLE for a father to have to be mandated to visit his child then why isn't it HORRIBLE for a father to be mandated to pay child support? So what you're saying is that it's worst for a father to not want to see his kids, and that should not be an obligation. However, its okay to obligate them to give you money even though they don't want to pay. Are you getting my point? Either way they are neglecting the child be it physically or financially. Don't you think that if they were to enforce visitation the way they do child support that we'd have a better outcome? It would kind of be a win/win situation. You both support them equally as well as share time with them equally, this way the children benefit most, not just Mom.
Keep in mind that a seperation does not take away every day bills that every human being has even without children. More than likely the non-cust parent has just about the same bills as the cust parent. A lot of the bills that I have I share with my kids, meaning I'd have them even if my kids were not with me, ex. gas, elec, rent, cable, car pymt, food etc. So if the non-cust parent is clothing, feeding and sheltering the children on equal days as the cust parent then there shouldn't be a need for child support and I can almost guarantee that the non-cust parent will not spend half the money that the system has mandated him to pay. Also, the after care/child care can be paid by whichever parent is picking up the child for that weekend, as well as sports, trips and whatever other stuff falls on whom evers visitation days.
Like I said, I know there is a better way. One that will benefit the child's life. There's no other way to put it, it makes logical sense. It may not work for everyone but neither does child support evidentally, but the system continues to find ways. It just amazes me that we can suspend licenses, take money away from other homes and send people to jail over money, but it would be wrong to do it for visitation. Who is this really about?
Okay… I feel I have made a lot of friends here (especially Robin… she totally gets it!) And the last post before this one. And, I'm sure there are those who hate me because I would dare say that a noncustodial shouldn't be paying rent for the custodial… but I could care less what somebody of that nature thinks.
So I just want to have a little chat about today, cause I'm calmed down a bit from it now so I shouldn't come across too bitchy and might actually be a bit factual. I went in to the DSS today (fancy for welfare office.) Now I have problems with that whole system as well… stealing from the hardworking and giving to the lazy (let's just not go there today) but I had no choice. I was out of options.
So I took my 12 year old stepdaughter, my 2 year old son, and my 2 month old son with me… and I applied for a ONE TIME EMERGENCY cash assistance. The reason for this is that our electric bill (only $283) and our water bill (only $220) are both on shut off status. I got an extension… but after this weekend I have to decide if my children need electric or water more. Needless to say, we were denied any help but let me tell you why.
Not just because my husband makes too much money. But because they don't factor the child support he pays as an expense. So here's the thing. He brings home about $300 every week, after taxes (money for the greedy) and child support (ditto) is taken out. Believe me, he MAKES good money and we SHOULD be fine… but $300 a week just doesn't cut it on the rent for the family of 5 sized house that we live in together. As I mentioned before, the bitch gets $120 a week from him, and our three kids are lucky to get $20 a week to split.
So, long story short, since they don't count the child support he has to pay… we aren't eligible. However, and the worker even told me this, we would be eligible if they did count that expense. Huh, funny isn't it?
So what you're telling me now is that I have to decide whether electric is more important, or water, for my two babies? Really?
Oh… and guess what else is going on this weekend? That bitch is taking her only stepdaughter to an amusement park! Gosh, this system really does benefit the NEEDS of children, right?
Oh wait… before one of you even thinks about giving me that whole 'you should have known before you had kids with him' bull… you might really want to think about that statement if you are on the 'custodial' end… wouldn't that put you in the same "should have thought about it scenario". Need I mention that I am happily married to a man I love, and the ex is a girlfriend he cared for who was sleeping around on him. Yes, he should have 'thought about it'… and I am sure he did not know that he would just be victimized all the way around.
its hard for both sides, if the absent parent was living with his/her children the support would be there,it is hard for the parent with the children to do it all alone, and it is hard for the parent that remarries to have to shell out money…the parents who have to pay support should trade places with the ones who are supposed to recieve it..then see how that works out for you..if your new spouse is paying child support..it makes you mad cause thats less money for your child..now put yourself on the other side.. if you were counting on that support and it just never showed up you would in turn not have what you have now..i am a mother of 4 children..12, 13, 14 and 15..school supplies and clothes are harder and harder to buy every year..my kids dont need crayons and kleenex anymore they need calculators and 10 notebooks a piece and so on and so on and for 4 kids that adds up fast and shoes are no longer cute..my kids never get brand names we shop at good will and salvation army all there things are hand me downs and they hear about it from all the cruel kids at school, my x husband inherited 10k from his granfathers passing and took the money and his new girlfriend and ran..even with me working 2 jobs and having a day care raise my kids i was unable to keep the home that my children knew we lost our home and the car we wound up in a homeless shelter and moved 12 times in a year, my x is now remarried with a son he told the judge in court abd i quote(im sorry your honor i cant afford those 4 kids i have a new son now)my x who makes 17 dollars an hour was court orderd to pay me 462 a month..now thats a big chunk..but funny thing is i havent really seen it in 8 yrs.. is there a specific amount a child is worth?? i understand he has a new son and his child is just as important as my 4 are, the children did not ask to be here, but they are and i dont see how any one can say there kids are worth more then someone elses… now i know it must be a little tight for his new wife having to (sometimes send me 125 a week..31.75 per child) but it would be nice to have a little bit of help he helped me make them, but now he isnt the one wiping there tears or dealing with dr visits or helping with homework or doing anything at all he has not even sent a bday card to them in 8 yrs..i can see both sides of the fence i have pretty much done it alone and i have fallen many many times..its never easy to pay for somethings you dont want..i dont expect to see checks in the mail but its a blessing when they do come. life is hard enough plz dont put a price on a child, weather its yours or someone elses..just be gratefull for the time you have with your kids, they will know who was there for them and who was not
caryn,
Honestly there is something wrong with you. You need to seek medical attention. I am not being funny or mean I swear. You have a ton of feelings and no one here at this site is going to help you. You display very irrational and compulsive and abusive behavior just in your novels you write here. Please seek help for the sake of your self and all those children. I hope socail services can help you with your bills. Why you have such a high water bill, have your water company check for a leak. You should really evaluate and look back at what you have discloused in your writings.
And yes I think It would be damaging for a child to see a parent that doesnt want to see them duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! People who do not value there children do not want to see them, so why would you force someone to see a child they do not love. You see you are not forcing people to have children they make a choice to have a child. Do you really think a child is better off with a parent that does not want to see them? Yes people should " support there kids in EVERY way including seeing, loving, nuturing them. You can't force love. So do you think that people should not have to support there other needs just because they are a loser and do not want to see there kids. What is wrong with you!!!!!!
Comment for GI
You are right in the fact that your husband is paying way to much. 900 a month is ridiculas. have you tried to go back for a reduction?
Robin,
I see your point and I thank you. You are right, I do have severe anger issues and I can be quite hateful at times and I am sure that does come out a lot in this forum… where I come to bitch about being screwed over by this whole child support system. I appreciate your concern but I am not as out of control as you may have taken it… I just really get upset about this battle I fight everyday to support my children while a single child gets name brand clothes and amusement park trips. It's not even that "it's not fair", because life is not fair and nobody ever said it should be. But it's not RIGHT, and I don't know how anybody could defend what the family law system is doing by taking such a large percentage for one child and leaving three more children with nothing. The whole concept just really pisses me off, and my last post may have been a bit emotional but I am sure if you weed out the emotion and just read the facts you can agree you would feel the same exact way.
One more note I would like to make to all those mothers out there who say that it is getting harder and harder every year for school supplies and such… I know. It is hard. It is hard for me, and I am NOT a single mom. I also know it's not THAT hard, because the 5 cent notebooks at Walmart, free rulers and pencils at Staples, and the Salvation Army school supplies available for families with financial difficulties make it possible to get everything you need for your children for less than $5. So all I'm saying is why should somebody say "you should give me $50 for school supplies" when you don't even need that much? That's all I'm saying. Be reasonable on your own, because the family law sure as hell doesn't see any reason with what kind of financial help your children need. It should be your initiative to not take more than you need for your child. All that extra stuff is something you should work for on your own. How would you like it if you couldn't buy that new toy you want for your kid because you have to pay $50 this week to somebody who is going to take that money and go blow it on eating out at a restaurant? Whatever reason you com eup with for justifying this, it's just wrong. The whole concept of it is wrong.
OK… you don't get it… And that's okay. To each its own…
Like I said before I am a single mother of 3 and I see the struggle my ex-husband goes through being obligated to pay almost $800 a month to his previous children and gives me maybe $200 amonth for mine and thats not obligated. He spends time with them often and thats more than enough for me! I focused more on the visitation aspect rather than the money because in my life it really is about my children. I knew it would work out better as it did. He loves my children very much and it grows more and more each time he is with them.
He also has the upmost respect for me as a woman for always being so fair although the fair thing has not always been done for me. His only issue with me is accepting the fact that I gave up on him because of the situation that CARYN is in. Get this, I make 70,000 a year. My success, my money for my kids and my family. I was always willing to share what I had with his other children, however it was out of my own free will. So he only makes about 27,000 a year minus the 9,000 he sends to his ex-wife. They were going to raise his child support to $2,000 a month based on my income because I am his wife! LMAO! Yeah, that wasn't happening! I divorced him quicker than 10 seconds! Sorry! My children will not be deprived from what I worked my ass off to give them for nobody… How cute suddenly she wants to live more luxury on my account. I'm no fool! So she had to settle for whatever she was getting and on top of that they now visit their dad in a tight apartment with no extra money and minimal entertainment! They dont even care to visit him as often anymore. So the system managed to break up a happy healthy home over money that was already going where it needed to be.
Also, I've noticed my husband slowly seperating himself from his other 2 kids because they are beginning to feel like a burden to him rather than a blessing. Children don't need $800 a month for anything, at least not consistently. He's never been backed up and they still live with him on alternating weekends however I can see the change in him as his situations get harder and I do sympathize for him although he hardly contributes to the children we have together.
My kids have everything they NEED coming from both parents, all the extra luxury they have in their life comes from what I've worked my ass off to get them! And had I not been as fortunate as I am we would still live a lifestyle according to my budget. My plan never included taking from someone else to survive… and I repeat I have asked him to contribute to what the CHILDREN NEED, that doesnt come close to $800 a month. We have to learn to work with what we have…
To the woman who divorced her husband in 10 seconds when the court was trying to get into her income to pay the ex:
Yeah for you! I make $96,600 a year and I did the same thing! My income is my income, hard earned, especially in a world where women are held to higher standards than men!
I divorced my last husband quicker than you know what when I realized my income, that I spend on me, him and my own kids, was going to be taken by his ex wife! Some say it won't happen in this state, or that state…
Oh, yeah, it happened to my brother also, in a couple of different ways:
1. The court added to the amount my brother was paying to child support to his first wife based on his new wife's income. She was only making $7 an hour. Not enough that his second wife was also paying child support to her first husband.
2. When my brother divorced his second wife, his second wife was $2000 behind in child support payments, which had accrued BEFORE he married her. My brother had to pay that $2000 and never could get his amount reduced to his first wife, even though his second wife's income was no longer in the equation after the divorce.
Talk about an unjust system!
Due to the Injured Spouse Rule our past due child support garnished from Federal Income Tax Refund is being held by State of Texas up to 120 days. I totally understand the rule, however my situation is a little different, my ex, his new wife and I all get along. She wants to waiver her right to file form 8379, so we can get the badly needed payment. No joy. This is not an option she cannot waive this right.
File under "Irony" – my dh moved out last year, leaving me with the three kiddos. Months later, my request for child support was ordered by the state. In the meantime, I filed a joint tax return and split the refund with him. After a couple wonderful months of getting direct deposits of ch. support, he quits his job. Past-due support begins to accrue. Then the EAGERLY-AWAITED stimulus check shows up – but it's been taken by the state to pay the past due child support that he owes me!! Sucks, but I figure oh well, I'll get it directly deposited throgh the CS system? Weeks go by. No joy. That's when I learned about the 6-month waiting period. What are they waiting for??? It's money for the kids either way!!! And now it's stuck in some ridiculous limbo. And I can't pay the mortgage. SIGH.
You are right you have to wait 160 days for the deposit. I just got my ex husbands irs refund(not stimlus)today. I was so happy. I waited 160 days. It is just in time for our son's braces. My insurance covers 1000 of his braces , so this extra 1,200 really comes in handy. When I get the stimlus check it to will go toward our son's braces.
So for anyone complaining about their check being taken away…just know if you had been resposible you would of recieved your check. I am sure parents like me who work and pull for their kids are very happy to spend this money on something they need for the kids. Sorry it is the truth.
You know I can't sit here and not speak my mind. You want to talk about 'responsibility'? My husband loses every penny he makes in taxes and in weekly income to child support. He pays it, and then he loses a job because he can't afford gas, and then he owes more. That's REAL irresponsible, right.
No… what he is paying for is the birthing cost of his oldest daughter. She lives with us. We tried to take the mother in to have her at least help with the birthing costs. "Nope, can't afford it, don't worry about it" judge says. So… responsibility is just not being a man. THAT is the truth with child support.
Yes your spouse must take responsibily. You stated earlier in your post that he went to jail, fell behind etc. He did make a mistake, choice what ever you want to call it and he fell behind in his responsibilites. I am sorry you are suffering, but honestly you can only thank him.If he would of paid your family would of rec'd a check. You did not file injuryed spouse or you waited to long. His new wife files and her money is her money.
I am also sure you are going off the deep end. They can only take a percent of his pay—-its the law. so every penney is not going to her. Not enough money for gas.. cut off your internet, cable, smokes, beer and pay for GAS
The system has its flaws, but it is trying to help children from seperated parents have means.
You are allowed to feel what ever you want it is your right.
Another thing… My son's father is happy his son can get braces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now
Caryn DIVORCE him like I did! Trust me its not worth it! I'd rather be alone with my 3 kids than give another woman and her kids my money!
I'm not one of those "NEEDY/DEPENDANT" single mothers! Fortunatley I have enough to survive without help, I'm successful on my own because of the choices I made in life! I won't allow a man with kids from a previous marriage come in and make things harder for me when I have my own kids to worry about WITHOUT FINANCIAL HELP!
Leave him… As good as he may be the system will never allow that man to be happy again a day in his life just because he had those kids with that type of woman! Believe me when I tell you that there are way more of them than there are of us! So if you want peace, leave him!
I now watch my ex-husband live in a shack! No extra money what so ever! His precious 2 kids that had everything while he was with me HAVE NOTHING NOW! and don't even want to see him because I took all the luxury with me when I divorced him, I had every right it was MINE! I never asked him for anything that belonged to him, not even his hard earned money! And his 1st ex-wife doesn't share not one cent of child support with those kids! It goes to her BILLS! That's what child support is for right? to pay bills… Lol… Oh well that'snot my problem! They take his stimulus check, oh well that's not my problem! Is she miserable! Yes she is, even though she gets extra money for her kids, and she's married to the man that she was cheating on my husband with for 3 years! Lol! Aaah the system… I get ZERO extra money and I'm happy as hell! I don't have time to worry about stimulus checks, and 160 days before it comes and all that other BS! I'm too damn busy making my own money!
Leave him! Sorry if that hurts you but its not your problem! You deserve a peaceful life! Marry a man without kids if there are any left if not then stay alone! Men dont have the right to move on after they've had kids only woman have that right! Thats the truth honey accept it and move on! Or start selling drugs, thats what society has brought a lot of men to! Either sell drugs or abandon your children – physically! Aaah the system!
Anonymous: I understand your point all too well, as it has crossed my mind to leave my own husband just so my children can have what they need. But our children need their father, and so do I. Not need in a codependant way, before comments flare about that. What I mean is that I love him, and we are building our lives together through thick and through thin. Believe me, things are very thin but I wouldn't trade it for anything because we have a family that sticks together no matter what. It's called teamwork, and if I have to work twice as hard to support my kids just because I want to stay married, then so be it. I honestly don't think I would be as successful as I have been if I didn't have to do it… if that makes any sense. I would, however, like to interview you for "How Much Is Your Child Worth". FYI, this book is 75% complete and has already recieved interest from numerous agents as well as strong support from various activist groups. Anyways, if you don't mind please email me at caryn@anne-ominous.com if you would like to speak your mind in this book. (I'll even share the Chapter Summary and synopsis with you.)
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Robin: I understand all the points you have made, but ou have also made several assumptions that are commonly made, an example of the "deadbeat dad" stereotype. Get this, and I will spell it out. My husband has had custody of his oldest daughter her ENTIRE life. Her mother, on the other hand, has never had ANYTHING to do with her. Yes, he did go to prison for 5 years, for selling drugs. Yes, he made a mistake and if you think that makes him a bad person, you are entitled to your own opinions. But while he was in prison, HIS mother gained custody and since she added his daughter to her welfare cause, the DSS went after HIM for support, beginning with the birthing costs. See, his mother actually took the case to court, claiming he can't pay because he is incarcerated, and that the mother of the daughter (a DEADBEAT MOTHER) should be held responsible financially for the support that the DSS claims. The judge, noticing that this deadbeat mother had 2 other children whom had been taken from her, 2 outstanding child support claims she was not paying on… he said "nope, she can't afford to pay" and thus the order remained in my husbands name. So when he was released from prison, he now had custody of his oldest daughter again, as well as a $20,000 bill that had accrued to something massive because of "unpaid arrears". ($50 a week, unpaid for 5 years because the fact he was incarcerated was ignored) so yes, on paper he is a deadbeat dad. But isn't it convenient how the deadbeat women get away with anything? Yeah, it's a real justice. As for the "cap" on a man's income, you are obviously not aware that it is a lie. In New York State, it is 17% per kid, with a "cap" of 35% of an income.
Okay, so my husband is paying 17% of his weekly paycheck for his oldest daughter to the state, even though she lives with us. (Her mother doesn't have to do a thing.) Then, he has to pay an ADDITIONAL 17% for his second daughter, because her mother likes to get free money in every possible way. Then, there is a little thing called add-ons, and this is great. This is where a man is LEGALLY obligated to pay an ADDITIONAL amount that the woman claims she needs, is not required to provide evidence of, and THIS is the amount for "child expenses". (So the rest literally is for a woman to pay her own bills with.) So when my husband grosses $500, and takes home only $200… he still has to give her $200 because she said so, and because the faily law backs her on this. If he can't give her that money, he is a deadbeat dad.
I really don't need to sit here and explain this situation, but I feel obligated to correct your misunderstandings abuot how bias this system is. You don't see a problem with a man having to pay so much because yu are the woman who gets that money. Yes, the money went for your childs braces and that is good. That's what money should be used for.
But if a man can't pay his own electric bill, and the woman can take her children out to an amusement park… how can you NOT see a problem with the monetary focus and authoritative mindset of the enforcement of financial child support?
I would feel honored to share my story with you! I hope your book is a success and I hope it brings you and your family more opportunity to grow as a family! You are a STRONG woman and I admire you for that… I will be in contact with you…
And be careful because once you're making more money and your family seems to be living well, the children from the previous marriage are now going to need "braces and expensive glasses" or anything else that they can use as an excuse to sound nice meanwhile just trying to drag you down in misery right along with them! Anything to keep the ex-man from happiness! Thats all it is… I've seen it with my own eyes… I'm an ex-wife too, single mother and whatever else but the difference between most woman and I is that I'm happy, at peace and so blessed, all because I've always done what's fair, even though the fair thing has not always been done for me and even though society makes unfairness look pretty! I know better…
Well, I have high hopes for this book and I intend to market and publicize it in every possible way. If it is successful as I expect it to be, I will follow up with a series of "Deadbeat Dads". Beginning with previously publicized stories. Steve Barreras was forcd to pay over $20,000 in a child support scam where documents were fraud, and despite his evidence tht no child even existed, he was regarded as a deadbeat dad. 5 years of persistence led to a court hearing where the exwife was required to produce this fictional child. She panicked and actually KIDNAPPED a child. He was finally given relief, and his current wife has agred to work with me on this project.
I am not saying a noncustodial shouldn't help financially. But he should be required to do WHAT HE CAN. The bias and "paperwork outlook" of a child support case has proven time and time again to be an error, so even though I can't change it… I will do everything in my power to expose it.
I received a letter regarding tax liability for tax year 2005.
Bringing a child(ren) into this world requires two mature persons who hold and must maintain at least some form of employment as required via State of Ohio law to pay mandated child support
Anonymous
Kids can't fake needing braces or glasses.. I could of had him pay for half and have it tacked on the back of the rest he owes, but I did not need to. Also I never asked for his IRS check the goverment automatically takes it if you owe. Thank you
and if you did not care, need or have a tie to this disscussion or c/s.. then why are you here? This site did not just come to you. such BS on your part!!! its not all about need for the moms or dads who take full responsibilty of the kids, it is also the fact that two people made a child, and no one male or female should have the right to ignore their children in ANY way.
Yes my son is so excited and scared to finally get his braces( all baby teeth are gone). It still is going to cost me out of pocket 3-4000. Well worth to see him be more confident.
Caryn
Yes money cant buy love, but it should not kill you either. A mother /father must take care of themselves before they are able to take care of anyone else. If your DH can't give you what you need.. love is not always enough. My DH makes 30% less than me, but he has no prior children to support. I handle most of the expensise. We are good…. It sounds like your basic needs are not being meet. When human basic needs are not meet it is disaster. Check out Malsow's hiearchy of needs
FYI Robin, I found this site when I googled the word "stimulus check" to find out what so many people were bragging about! I had no idea what it was and this was one of the sites that came up! To my surprise I found a thousand interesting stories about experiences somewhat similar to mine!
I hope your DH never moves on and starts a new family… Or wait maybe he should just wait till your child together with his is 18 to then start a new life!
I just figured it out Caryn… They should be mandated by the court to not move on with their lives and have more children until the other children are over the age of 18!!! Lol… I'm a GENIUS!
OMG lmao Sick sick people. I hope god helps you
God? You have some nerve bringing God into this, you think he applauds this type of behavior! It's crazy how you believe you're being fair, and maybe you are right now because he hasn't moved on and had more children, but once he does start a new family which he has every right to he now has another child to support and your child my dear is no better than the next!!
God has helped me! And Plenty… That's why as a SINGLE MOTHER of THREE I don't need to make anyone's life harder in order to provide for my children… He's blessed me with the privelage of being FAIR to the FATHER of my CHILDREN! I'm content…
see that whre you are wrong. He has another family as a matter of fact he has 3 MORE bio. and 3 step children. He works hard and his wife does. WE ALL DO!!!!! And WE ALL GET ALONG
And that bothers people like you
my ex husband was to lazy to go to human resources at his work and have his child support garnished, but he has started a new job and he says he dont have time! I called there and they say yes he does have time..so his rebate check went into my bank account, which i didnt know thats what it was..so now he is going to stop paying me child support until the whole amount is paid…can he stop paying me support because of his irresponsiblity to go to hr?
Good for him… That's admirable because most men on child support don't have that option! Maybe what he gives you is a fair amount, however if he fell behind on his payments it was obviously because he couldn't afford to keep up, but you got it anyway because it accumulates and then you'll just get his tax money… You and I both know that if one week we dont have $100 to spend on our kids we just don't got it! We'll be ok, fathers on child support don't have that option and that's unfair weather you want to admit to it or not.
Oh and getting along great would never bother me… Had you been reading any of my comments you would have comprehended that that is of most importance to me! It's all about what's BEST for the children in my life, and if one week he can't pay – it's ok… I dont need to take his stimulus check because I'm sure his bills are awaiting payment just like mine are… I got a stimulus check too – my own…
I just want to know how long it's going to be before I can buy my kids some shoes because I'm supposed to get $800 out of his stimulus check and I have seen nothing yet. I can't believe my kids have to wait til tax time each year to be able to get things that aren't necessities simply because their father won't pay!!! How long do they have to wait??????
180 days from the time they intercepted if he filed taxes.
nonymous on September 16, 2008 8:45 am
You do not get it do you? The goverment takes the check automatcally if a person is behind in helping the child with funds.
Well maybe you can understand that maybe if a father wasn't obligated to send WEEKLY payments #1 he wouldn't fall behind and #2 he could afford to help out when the real necessities come up such as braces and eye glasses etc. I'm not saying he shouldn't support, I'm just saying that the way the system goes about it is wrong…
I think that everyone listed here is correct in totality. I am a mother of three with one deadbeat dad that pays here and there as he has walked away from our two daughters and now has four other children. My son is for an ex-cop that "takes care" of everyone he shouldn't. When we were together he would do more for my girls than his son. He only had time when he wanted the "token" family which may have been 30days out of 365. Some of these men move in cycles with their "morals", while others are very good men that were human and made mistakes. The children suffer the most-in house and out of house children. I have found that I do what I have to in order to care for them, love them, and instill in them the safety/realization that money isn't everything. Nothing from nothing is still nothing!! I am disabled but I do what I can and pray. Unjust NEVER prospers; and if it appears to I wouldn't worry because the cost will be extremely high. Not all non-paying parents are deadbeats. Just as not all custodial parents are saints. But at the end of each day it comes full circle to our children. It takes two to make a child, but I have realized that one is enough to ensure a successful upbringing. I am sure my message may anger some people, but just think about it. Shit happens and at times it happens to us good parents. But I think we should think of those people in so much worse situations and be grateful. Bad people pay at some point and eventhough there may be no daily money coming in; they are some that are paying a price on a daily basis that they wouldn't wish on their worse enemies!!!
I posted awhile back on this forum…and I did get the stimulus check in September. $600 minus $25 that the state took for holding the money for 30 days (that is law in Indiana that the tax checks have to be held)
I know that is all Ill ever see, but at least it is something I suppose. He skips jobs so much that the state cannot even keep up. He lives in New York stat and I have to say, they have been great managing things, and I just found out that they found him yet again and attached a wage garnishment.
I' am currently paying arrears for back support and i am by no means a dead beat parent! I really think that the child support systems needs a good overhaul. its seems as thought the system works against the person that owes the support. they make it very difficult to stay on top of the payments, this is supposed to be for the children, but it sometimes seems that is a punishment by the state. why not make it a little easier for parents to pay these huge amounts after interest is added on its very depressing. it sure would take a burden off the person that is trying their best to follow the rules and have a little money to feed and clothe themselves, and have some dignity. all people that owe child support are not deadbeats.
There is no way that child support enforcement exists to enhance the well being of a child, and believing this lie only adds to the financial, mental, and emotional slavery of noncustodials.
This is not what good parenting is about, but the legal purpose is to decrease the eligibility for welfare. This is why a custodial must recieve child support to apply, and is then denied if she is recieving support.
This is why a noncustodial does not get any credit for child support expense. Child support arrears, or debt, are the worst thing in the world to have and they are very easy to get…
Did you know that in 1990 an Iraqi hostage was released, and after being a POW for 5 years he was arrested for child support arrears?
There is no easy answer to this problem, but the answer we have now is certainly not the right one.
Let it be known that the father is not always the bad guy, however the cards are already stacked against you before you even enter the court building. I was paying over $300 a week for child support. I have one child, and the max they can take for back support is $16 a week, however the judge found a loop hole and added the rest on for daycare arrears, even though my son hasn't been to a daycare in 4 years. Instead of asking her to show proof of daycare, like receipts, they took her word for it, and instead of using the worksheet and basing my support order on our incomes, they simply asked her how much she would like to receive. She lives off my sons support money, and hasn't had a job in almost 2 years now. I make $12 an hour, and pay $332 a week while she sits home and does nothing. I get tired of always hearing how the dad is always the scumbag. I took her to court because she wasn't letting me see my son, as a way to hurt me, yet when I walked out of the court building I owed 5 years of back support and had to go to family counseling and visit my son in a supervised environment like some kind of criminal. The current system is disgusting.
My ex has been delinquent on his child support for the past four years. I've received all of his tax refunds, which has substantially reduced the overall debt. He has re-married, however is still more than 4K behind on his child support payments. he was due to receive an economic stimulus payment in the beginning of july 2008, but it was intercepted. it is now seven months after the fact and neither he nor i have received the payment. I called the state to inquire if they've received the payment, and was told they have not. I'm wondering where are the funds and why is it being held? Is it possible that the state is holding onto it because they may have used it for something else? I've always worked and received all my payments directly. what happened to teh stimulus payment?
180 days waiting period? like with the taxes?
Ok, well heres my story, I am a mother of a 11 year old son, i have received child support payments from his father i would say 5 times out of the 11 years..and to be honest with you, I can care less bout it..I hve gotten this far, being able to take care of my son with the money I earned busting my @ss everyday at work, not just sitting on my @ss and waiting for the first of the month. I recently have gotten married, and sure enough my husband owes back chidl support to his ex-wife. yes the IRS has taken all of our income tax. What sets me off the most is this, his ex cries a river of how she cant take care of his daughter financially, but yet she use to the high lifestyle… Given that we all females like nice things, and we tend to spoil ourselves here and there and we should, we are mothers we work hard, but not a every day or every week to be spending and not even take care of your child right. This is where i am annoyed, unfornately my son father played the in and out of his life game, the agreement was for him to be active in his life and I could careless of $$ cause i already knew he cant even take care of himself so why bother fighting for it. sure enough he couldnt keep the end of the bargain, so i left the child support payments to be added…unlike my husband situation, he wants to be active in his daughter life, he cries almost every night for her, just to talk to her and have her every other weekend, but his ex is giving him a hard time bout it cause she wants $$$$ from him and for him to get a job…we are at a hard time right now, that ppl are loosing their jobs every day, or pay cut. and she doesnt understand that nor she cares how much she is hurting their child and him. In my honest opionon, she should be thankful that he is trying to be active in her life, and there shouldnt be a price to pay to see or talk to his daughter. A relationship of a parent and child is priceless…I know us single mother struggle and we bash our ex's for not supporting, but we as mothers are alot stonger for our kids, we will do whatever it takes to put food on the table, clothes on their back, roof over their heads cause when these kids grow up their gonna see who was really there for them, than someone just providing money and not having that bond, love for them…She can keep the income tax, cause i still have the chance of claiming injured spouse.Yes its taking money away from my child, but thats money I dnt see anyways, and thats money I am doing fine without it right now.. hopefully she uses the money in the right way for their daughter if she doesnt then well all i can say is Karma is a B****…
I am sure my name is seen a lot through this forum, and I have entered my share of debates but I would really like to commend this last poster for her MORALITY.
The system SAYS that being a good, responsible parent means paying an unreasonable percentage of your paycheck. While I think this is wrong, there are many mothers out there who disagree because "raising a child isn't free". Anyways, you have my respect and I do with that your husband's ex does the right thing, but to be realistic… it won't happen.
For everyone else who has been aware of my intentions to write a book uncovering the corruption of the Child Support Enforcement system… I have recently made a breakthrough in research and for anyone who does believe that the family law system actually exists to help families… please read about Title IV-D and the federal bonuses given to state agencies for keeping families broken.
We need to stand up and do something about this!!!
I would like to know what you are referencing when you say this:
"please read about Title IV-D and the federal bonuses given to state agencies for keeping families broken."
Is there a link or something we can go to? It doesn't suprise me at all that things like this are going on.
Oh there really shouldn't be a surprise… anybody with a conscious knows there is something fishy about putting a price tag on responsible parenting. There is corruption all the way around in the family law system, and I am hard at work to expose each of these faults. If you want to read more about Title IV-D please google it, or at the bottom of this message are a few sample links that discuss it. Other things to google, for starters, are: Robert Parker Jr. or Steve Barreras or Bobby Sherill or Clarence Bradley. These are all absurd cases that have been brushed under the table (not without a fight) each proving the system is severely flawed and destructive. Or, look up the Bandley Ammendment.
I don't have time to include too many links, but if you are interested I will send more this evening. ere's a starting point:
http://www.achildsright.typepad.com/
I was told by the father that he refuse to file his taxes to avoid paying his child support . I wanted to know can he do that
Please let me know if he can do that
I wonder why on earth a person would say, or even think, such a thing?
Anyways… there's a place on IRS.gov you can go to report a tax evader.
If the father barely pays child support during the year and when he files for income tax why do the state take that instead of giving it to the struggling parent with the child. They are not hurting for the money and i think that it is unfair epecially when the single parent income is limited.
The custodial parent will get the money (I think) but it takes at least 6 months. The collection agencies need to hold onto the money and collect interest.
By the way, anyone who is reading this… the child support enforcement industry is another profit based organization. If you really care about your children, you'll try to find a way to work together without relying on this system.
my sotry is simple but complicated. I raised my step-daughter sense she was 2 1/2yrs with her father of course because the mother did not want to put her first and left. The mother only paid 25 a month for child support at first then got a job part-time and went to school and it was raised to 50 a month. meantime the father is working full-time and providing what the child needs and the mother is in and out of her life for several years and then one day decides that she wants the child back. by this time the child is 13yrs. old and the mother takes the father to court for full coustdy (the father has had soul physical coustdy sense the child was 4 mind you but mother had same rights as him) and the courts basically said the child was old enought to make her own mind up (so of course the grass looks greener on the other side) so she decided to move with the mother. So know the mother and father have joint coustdy with the mother having primary residency. The father is know ordered to pay 93 a week and albany said he had to pay an extra 50 for back. This to me is f**ked up. we have a child in common that they are not taking into concideration and leave him with 60 dollar pay checks how is he suppose to support his family. Also why did they not hound her like they hound my husband?? is there no such thing as a dead beat mother??? i feel that the court systems are all about the mothers. What about the fathers that take care of there kids and later on down the road get punished?? The New York court system to me is really screwed up. and know where my husband is working is closing the doors because it is cheaper to get the work done over seas. the court system said because he will have no insurance he may be liable for all the medical bills her insurance does not cover. If we get government help for insurance we can not put the child on it cause she does not live with us so there goes the whole unemployment check. WHAT KNOW!
Let it be known that the family law industry is not PRO family. In the same way, the child support enforcement industry is just as ANTI family, including child. There is no pressure on equal parenting, just paying the bills. Know why?
Child support enforcement agencies, family law attorneys and legal reresentatives, judges, etc. all need to get paid, right? Where does the money come from?
Child support arrears, of course. The arrears collected from hardworking men, only a very tiny percentage of whom actually fit the whole "deadbeat dad" desciption, work on a national level. Arrears collect interest, and that it is why it is important to collect arrears. That is also why it is important to CREATE arrears.
This is not a problem limited to NY state, it is a national problem that is taking the form of a solution, to a problem that really doesn't exist. Long story short, the best you can do is try to get along and work together outside of the court. A noncustodial parent should contribute financially, but not as much as the state says. The bottom line is you need to love your child more than you hate your ex, and work together (outside of the court) for the best interest of the child. If she is happy living with her mother, and is better off, then don't try to pull her back. At least she is getting to know her mother now. (My oldest stepdaughter has the same issue with her mother, but believe me she would never go live with her because she is upset that she is in and out of her life and that she realizes she is already more mature than her mother is.)
Anyways, broken families are difficult, but when the government gets it's greedy fingers involved… it's a big gigantic mess.
my self and husband try to get along with his ex girl friend but she is basically in control. She has made any relationship we had with the child next to none. And as for the child being happy well of course she is because at the mothers there is not a bit of adult supervision and her grades are in the toilet. When she resided with the father she was on high honor roll and never in trouble. But this is what happens when the new york state family courts let a child make an adult decision. My out look is very bad at this point because i am not understanding how a mother can give birth to a child just walk away and just come back to pick up like nothing happened. Then the father is just sh*t on in court and basically is told to suck it up. And to think the courts are suppose to be there for help when they in some instances ripe families apart because the mother deserves a chance. While this mother in question is looking at the child as a cash cow and build in baby sitter. and i thank you for any input or advise you give.
You may not like the first part of what I'm going to say, but you (yourself) have no say. Being a stepmother myself I understand how frustrating this is but it is also important in a general sense, because if you put yourself in the biological mothers shoes you can understand how unfair it would be if a step parent had more of a say.
Now your husband should be taking initiative to go back to court and regain custody. At her age, it probably won't happen because she is happier there with less authority… but if your husband can PROVE she is unfit where she is, then he should be able to regain custody.
Unfortunately, your situation is very, very common. My own husband was manipulated into paying $50/week in "child support" to his ex just for the right to have physical custody of their daughter. As soon as my nagging convinced him to take it back to court to have support dropped (we weren't going to ask for any money from her) and custody changed over, she yanked her daughter back and successfully RAISED the support order. On top of that, she frequently denied visitation just out of spite.
Anyways, my point is that there is nothing you can do. Your husband needs to do something, and as far as what he can do is dependant on how willing his ex is to work something out with him, and more importantly what his daughter wants to do. Unfortunately, even though it is not in her best interest, it sounds like she is happy where she is and I can only beg you not to make the problem worse by bad mouthing her mother or speaking negatively of her living there, only because that will push her further away and create a barrier that no child should have between ANY parent.
Gosh, I hate the system, it makes such a mess. I guarantee that girl wouldn't even have her daughter living with her if she didn't get such a fat paycheck for it!
Well where to start. My husband owes back taxes for 2001, which is before my time with him. Each year I file the 8379 form Injured Spouse Form. It worked out real well, I received my refund. Well for some reason IRS took my 2008 refund and put it towards my husbands tax debt. They stated I was not due a refund. I dont know about the rest of you, but I work really hard and look forward to my refund check each year. I know the economy is bad and the country is in big debt. But leave us middle class, hardworking people alone. Go after the rich people who cheat on their taxes, and get by with it. And all of my deductions is from me not my husband, so I want my refund and need it. But I will have to fight for it. Ofcourse you call a 800 number and the IRS is suppose to help you, but they can't answer my questions, so why have the number, just to look pretty. I can understand why the government is in such a mess.
omg I can't even begin to explain anything…well the irs is taking MY money to pay his child support. Sure the system should be working for the children but not just the ones that "receive child support" they need to start thinking bout the ones who aren't too. I'm thinking bout getting a lawyer. I mean seriously it clearly states its his debt not mine….it clearly states its because of child support which HELLO can only be one person and it clearly states I claimed MY kids and MY W2s are on there. WHich clearly means that is not all his money and they JUST GAVE IT ALL AWAy! I didn't knock that nasty cunt up HE DID and the IRS is treating me like a "DEADBEAT FATHER" as they like to call it~! and I'm not even a guy or their parent at ALL!
Cole-
The first thing you want to do is file the injured spouse form to protect your share of the taxes.
The second thing is that the system does not work for the children. Not even the children who recieve child support. That money, when the custodial parent recieves it, might buy a new pair of sneakers occassionally but it pays misc. bills, luxuries, or even addictions. This is so there is an overwhelming amount of people (custodial parents) who support the use of the system and encourage it to go on. The STATES benfit from the system… but it's too much to get into right now and I am sure you know all about it too.
Don't be mad at him, and if you have children do everything possible to support them with what you have. You can request an extension if you didn't file the injured spouse form… but it is very important that you do file it or they will take your money as well. (And she will probably have a nice new flatscreen TV or something.)
Cole: I agree with the first response to your posting today.
You need to file an Injured Spouse form, ASAP.
And, remember this….any money you two get back, whether or not he even earned a dime of it, half of it goes to child support if there is an arrearage, as long as you are married.
In some cases, the state can even put a lien on your auto, and your house, for arrearages, as long as you are married.
When my new hubby wouldn't work (all kinds of excuses) and he got WAY behind, I divorced his butt. I made 3 times what he did, I had bought the home, the cars, everything. I would be damned if I was going to pay his EX one dime. I have my own children to support.
I had nothing to do with their conception, they do not live with me, I never see them, nothing.
The system is not there for the children. It's nothing but a big, giant, income getter for the states. Period.
E
Is it true that my ex cannot file either one of our sons on his taxes because he only sees them once every two weeks, and he pays support regularly but owes a arrearage of 3799.00? He never filed taxes before in the past but now is married and finally decided to file taxes with his current wife and will I be getting their refunds? We have a court order through the child support enforcement agency and I live in Illinois?
if he owes arrears, they will take his taxes and hold them (to collect interest) before giving his money to you. If his new wife is smrt she will file the injured spouse form so you don't get her money too.
MS H: Usually, in the divorce decree, it says who can get the deduction for what particular kid.
I hope you have been doing what that order says.
Sometimes, the kids are split up with the deductions. After all, if he pays the child support, it is with his after tax income! But, you get the deductions!
That doesn't seem too fair to me.
If you've claimed what was due him, then I'd be watching for you to get audited.
If you've claimed them, and it says he can't, and he does, then he's in trouble.
E
Did you ladies/ men know that you can sue your dead beat for INTREST on the rears. you have to hire a attorney and you ask the court for the amount of interest owed to you. The system does not go afterthem for this money You have to. Check your state for details
here is one from CA see below statement
http://www.sanbenito.courts.ca.gov/family_law_facilitator.htm
Interest on child support. Interest at the legal rate (currently 10 per cent per year) is owed on all unpaid child support (called back support or "arrears"). The interest does not compound, meaning interest does not build up on the interest, but it accrues on the principal amount owed only (the child support amount ordered). Left unpaid, the amount of support arrears owed over time grows to sometimes astronomical numbers once the interest is added on. California law gives judicial officers no power to waive or adjust arrears that have accrued, or the interest that has accrued on those arrears. Some states may have different rules for their child support orders.
BEHIND ALMOST EVERY "DEADBEAT DAD"… THERE IS A MANIPULATIVE MOTHER…
Stop right there, I didn't say every single deadbeat dad is the product of a manipulative mother. But in over 90% of these cases, a "deadbeat dad" is anything but what this political agenda formed title claims.
You know what a deadbeat dad (supposedly) is… you know the breadwinner for a broken home… and if you're dealing with a deadbeat dad, please go over this checklist. Maybe you can turn things around yourself!
Manipulative mothers:
(1) Instead of teaching responsibility, and living within your own means, teach children it is okay to depend on or rely on somebody else or to blame somebody else over financial matters
(2) Uses (visitation or communication with) her child as leverage with a noncustodial parent to "get what she wants"
(3) Refuses to cooperate, compromise, or find any way to get along with an ex for the best interest of children
(4) Will accept the child support formula that is based on income, instead of a child support formula that excludes any expenses which would exist if there were no child but instead focuses only on direct child related expenses (excluding any luxuries or expenses that are not necessary) and then divides those expenses in half. (Furthermore, child support is used selishly, instead of selflessly with a manipulative mother.)
(5) Out of personal emotion and cause, a manipulative mother will (willingly or unwillingly) isolate, harrass, ostracize, or in any way express negativity towards an exboyfriend/husband… despite the fact that there are children shared which depend on both parents to provide positive attention. (Please see description number 3) Manipulative mothers, whether on purpose or accidentally, can drive a noncustodial (absent) parent so insane that –it becomes too much of a challenge to communicate well with children without interference– that he may truly fit the description of "deadbeat dad" by avoiding any communication with children and dodging all responsibilities.
IN SUMMARY:
Check your own situation, in case you are dealing with a so called deadbeat.
The state has associated responsible shared parenting ("to benefit the children") with dragging your ex through the mud. Please don't buy into this!
Wow you really need to find a job or something for that long speal. I never said dead beat dad you did. Pleanty of woman do not take care of there kids also lady. lol
Wow is all I can say.
Mud, I see plenty of families at the human service agengy I work at, not have crap because the other party is a DEAD BEAT. Pleanty of people DO work and DO take care of there children without C/S because the other person refuses to take part in that part of raising a child. To anyone who uses a child as leverage for visits etc.for $ there are DEAD WRONG also. get a grip lady, I read your post you are wacked, and insead of having somone pay up you sit there and type novels.. GET a JOB
Thank you for your kind review of my comment. First of all, I have a job… I'm a copywiter. Second of all, that post was not in response to you or anybody… it was general information.
Have a nice day
okay so some fathers are dead beats but its hard for those that try not to be. such as a father trying his hardest to pay child support while barely being able to pay the rest of the bills. and so then when he finally does have a little bit to see his son he has to pay 80 bucks in gas for the drive. while he's there he can only stay one day or he has to pay for a hotel costing 88 bucks a night. then the mother suggests lets go to chucky cheese your fathers buying or hey son do you want to go to get toys your fathers gonna uy you that bike, small motorcyckles deal, an those big hulk hands, do you want ice cream your fathers here and is gonna buy you ice cream. thats ridiculus then he's bad mouthed the whole time he;'s there by his exes friends. that is bull sh**. i mean come on. fu**ing grow up some and let him be a father. whithout making it so hard. oh and in order for him to get ANY custody he has to pay up to 9000 dollars for a lawyer… are you kidding me!!!!
I will keep this short and simple. First off it seems like the only ones complaining are the ones that married men with baggage. Why complain, it was your choice. Second, I think that it is a great thing that the IRS takes refunds and stimulus checks to pay off back pay. You can defend the man or woman who owes all you want but the fact of the matter is that the most important people are the kids. Now some of the spouses of the parents who have back pay will say "well what about the kids we have?" and once again I will say that was your choice to bring children into this world with a parent in financial strain in the first place, so shame on you for bringing more innocent kids into a bad situation, they too are innocent. Now how can you say oh, well my spouse isn't a deadbeat? If they are not, why are you here complaining about the government taking your refunds, and stimulus checks? So leave all the drama out of it, regardless of how the custodial parent lives, what kind of car they drive, or how much they make, both parents still have a responsibility to the children, and how can you put a financial limit to how much they are worth??
MY REBUTTAL:
When I married my husband, there were no problems. The ony problems now are his exgirlfriend who realized he has officially settled down and has begun to manipulate the system out of spite, actually HURTING her daughter, his older daughter, and the two boys we have which, let me rephrase… the older daughter and the two boys are not hurting because I have stopped giving him money to give her when she demands it. She is his problem, not mine.
You talk about responsibility to the children? Since when is basing support on income without even considering the expenses of the child beneficial? My brother has massive medical bills. and the child support my mother recieved from my father didn't put a dent into those bills.
At the same time, my husband's ex is taking her $300 a week in "child" support to go buy some expensive designer handbag just to rub it in my husbands face.
That benefits who? That $300 a week is based on income that he had for a week before the company laid everyone off to outsource work. He now earns way less than before… but any disagreement with her means he can't see or talk to his daughter.
I don't care what your story is and I am so sick of these stereotypes! Why don't you try walking a mile in somebody else's moccassins before you get all high and mighty. Of course you wouldn't complain if you're the one getting that money but how often has it ever really gone to the child????
I've personally seen "both" sides of this coin. I see "deadbeat" dads who still pay high child support even with an income half of what it used to be. And, he lost that income due to no fault of his own. This "deadbeat" dad has no contact with his 3 kids because the "mother" won't allow it. NO CONTACT.
I've seen a woman work 2 jobs as a custodial, while the ex husband plays with the child support, and gets it stopped, WITHOUT a court order, and the court order was already there, and no, he hadn't lost his job or anything. Meanwhile, she would absolutely not cut off the father as far as visitation and that. She thought it was wrong to do – and it is in my view.
I believe the law doesn't allow, in many cases, the noncustodial parent to survive a job loss, or an illness. This one noncustodial I am thinking of has no car debt, no house debt, no credit card debt, nothing, and the state still takes well over half his pay, more like 3/4's. The guy can't even pay his taxes, and has just paid March 2009 amount.
It's not a fair system, for anyone.
I was just reading the other day that the State of Virginia is implementing procedures to now base child support amounts, from the noncustodial parent and the noncustodials SPOUSE income, as well as any live-in LOVER's income, if not remarried.
What's next? Taking money from a landlord's income, were the noncustial rents an apartment?
The state is nothing but a money grabbing tool. I've read the states get kickbacks from the federal government for what they collect. I don't know much they get.
There is no end to this madness.
E
Bravo Michelle. I cant agree more with every thing you wrote. I must ad that a " dead beat" could be on either side or both sides. We must encourage people to interact, be positive role models and support thier children in ALL aspects of support including paying for things that cost money.
also we all can figure out that Anonymous on April 27, 2009 1:59 pm is Caryn. Give it up girl, face the facts. Children need to be supported in everyway. And know it does not show children to depend on someone… They are called dependents for a reason!!!!!!! dumb ass
Okay so you're saying that denying visitation if you can't buy a $300 purse for yourself is right? Really????
You're right, deadbeats are on all sides of the fence… but you clearly don't see the picture here. This little girl is being fed lies about her father, and you are saying everything she is doing is okay because his job is to pay and bla bla ba but you're not listening.. .he DOES pay. He pays for her MOTHER…
Man, this is all so sad! I'm dealing with a deadbeat asshole! He calls maybe once a mo. to get her. She's 6 and doens't want to go anymore. I say oh wel. His new little girlfriend told me she didn't want any kids with him, b/c she sees how he does my child, But guess what, she has one with him now! Oh, and she's now jealous of my kid and is cool with him not being her father now, b/c they have one together! These new folk coming in the pic are so dam stupid. Anywho, if it shows a payment collected on my CS Summary, and it was put on there 9 days ago, why are they holding that money? Can someone tell me if that could be from Taxes? The amount is 993.00! I haven't received anything in almost a year. Not to forget we go to court on the 26th of June for contempt. Could he possible go to jail? I would love that ish! Thanks, I love all your stories. I agree on all sides to a certain point. Put it God's hands and know that your children have YOU to love them no matter how hard we have to struggle.
can someone please answer a question for me? My ex is going on vacation (to Mexico) in a couple of days but he is behind on his child support. I just want to know if he can be denied in leaving the country because he is behind. He has his passport, had for for over a year (when he was not behind). OR can he be denied from entering the US once he leaves? you can email me at my email address…THANKS FOR LISTENING!!
Well I am a single mom with 4 kids. 1 with my first boyfriend as a teen.(Me 17, him 25) Well at 2 he was ordered to pay $125 monthly, but did not start until a year ago.He owes $10,000 in arrears and I now get the $125 support, plus $50 in arrears monthly. Which is not much but due to the dad being on limited income I do not complain. Plus I am unable to work due to that son having issues. He has ADHD and Bi-polar which in itself does not mean anything but his is to the point where atleast 3 days a week or more I have to pick him up by 10am from school cause they cant handle him, only I can. so yes I guess you can call be unwilling to work but no employer will settle for a come as you can employee. Also besides the little money I get no physical help. On to dad 2. Well was with him 6 years, living as husband and wife 5 of those years. Then left due to physical abuse. We are still married due to the fact I can not afford a divorce and he wont pay for it. We have been separated 4 years and he does not pay any support to his 3 kids, he doesn't even have an order yet. Why no clue. He has not seen them in over a year. So there is me $175 monthly income, no help from fathers, nothing but my loving kids. I have tried child care to get a job, but no one will watch my oldest, he 11 now. So what is someone like me to do, yes I have medicaid and foodstamps which I hope my deadbeat husband has to pay. Hell when he does come around I have to give him gas money just to see his kids, and the kicker is he receives welfare to in a different state, he moved chasing a woman. So how come there is no support order when they know where he is.
My son wa arrested for none payment of child support in Shelby County Indiana. He owes 3100.00. How long can they hold him in jail?
Thanks
Cindy,
I am sorry to hear of your struggle. This is why more laws and consequences needs to be placed on non custodial parents for not being a supportive part in every way to a child.
Some people judge and say you know well you maried him , or you have more than one baby daddy… All that is mostly BS.. It just means a woman trusted and loved more than one man at diferent times ( i hope). I know I was married twice and fell in love and had a child with each of them. They both cheated and lied so I left. I encourage a loving relationship with the fathers and expect them to equally love, support and for us to back each other up.
Sometimes no matter how hard someone tries the other parent male or female does not live up to what they NEED to do.
Sounds like you need to get in contact with your local human service provider and find out about childcare schlorships so you can go to school and better yourself. Dont wait for him to pay.. Your child is 11, so you need to do something now!!!! If your child has a IEP, you need to connect with special service providers. I am a CCRR parent worker and there are programs to help u and your children that are uplifting. I can't see how you can survive on that amount of money per month.
Bless you
Dear theresa,
I am sorry your child is in jail…. if he did not pay than thats where he should go..you are a mother do you not understand he needs to be responisble ? for his child?
He can go to jail for how ever long they say.
As a mother I am sure you are worried and I truly hope he gets out and does right by his children
Robin… and everyone else who feels this way,
There should be no misconception about this: I strongly believe that BOTH parents should be EQUALLY responsible for a child.
However I do not think that a person should be thrown in jail for falling behind on a bill. The amount a noncustodial is expected to pay can often be an unaffordable, unrealistic amount.Few custodials will agree with this, but that's where we'll agree to disagree.
But can you imagine if everyone who was in debt, everyone who fell behind on any bill that they couldn't afford to pay… went through the same consequences that a noncustodial goes through over child support.
Why should being a parent become such a painful burden? How is that beneficial? I's not this way if you're still together, but the second you split up you can drag somebody throuh the mud out of spite.
In general, Robin (and everyone who feels the same way) I hope you understand that your opinion is one that would put over 90% of this nation in jail, that falling into debt should lead to punishment.
First of all the system is screwed up, the interest kills any man who is trying to make it I have a child support story that goes full circle, my parents were divorced and he owned his own business, they had a nice life, he only had to pay 200.00 a month, the state of VA and WV somehow misplaced the money and now I'm 32, my mother had over 25000.00 in an account not including interest, but because they did not want to pay her they went back and my brother had a blood disease, and since we didn't have insurance but the medical card they micromanage all of our hospital bills and said that they owed her nothing. My ex pays 367.00 a month for 10 years trying to be nice even when he got a job making 20
+ an hour I didn't take him back, he stop seeing the kids refuses them insurance, has a big house, boat, new cars, etc. meanwhile his girlfriend states she lives alone with their two kids he says he lives with his mom and shes raking the system for all its worth, he won't help with glasses or dental work, makes promises he doesn't keep so now were going back to court. My husband pays on one kid thats not his because our laws state if your married and a child is born your responsible even though she admitted it wasn't his 13 years now he's been paying for her infidelity, and he pays for another one totaling $1,200.00 a month, they take our taxes, stimulus, etc. while they both sat on welfare he owes 4000.00 interest on 2000.00 how does that happen, in 2008 he paid out 24000.00 and it didn't touch it. This is so screwed up.
well let me see where should I start…Almost5 years ago I divorced my husband because I couldn't stand his cheating ways and our 3 children have suffered for that! I recieved child suport for exacltly 8 months out of those years. He figured out that if he quit his job the state wouldn't take any more from him, He then started his own trucking business and the few times that he filed taxes the kids and I got it. To this day he owes arears to the tune of 19000.00 and WILLNOT pay a red cent. He is a snake, he tried to sue my family for wrongfull death of our son to get 10000.00 to get current with his suport payments the lawyer refused his case, told him he was demented. Yes I got part of his stimulas but its not enough I earn 8.00 and hr. and I still have 1 child at home, we live in government housing while he lives in a 450,000.00 house in a gated comunity with his girlfriend he has put everything in her name so the state can't get to his assets, we have gone to court several times BUT HE STILL GETS AWAY WITH MURDER!! I am sick of the system, the laws are for the criminals and if you ask me DEADBEAT DADS are the worst criminals on this earth,he has nothing to do with the children he says they are better off without him cause he's a bad father (yea do ya think)Our son has major issues, the loss of his twin brother 2 years ago and the rejection of his father I am just heartsick. He is 17 and very depressed. I guess this isn't much of a money issue to read about but what I am soooo upset about is that the state of UT. does nothing to help us out to get this man (if you can call him that) to pay up!!!! Like I said the laws are for the criminals!!!!!!
My husband went to jail for 2 years. we have 3 kids together. his ex girlfriend can't stand that he is with me and told us that she was going to put him on child support for a child that wasn't his. she just wanted to cause drama. We all know that the child is not his. It just so happens that while he's in jail the judge decides to grant her child support by default. Now me and my kids are struggling and we're worried about him going back to jail because he owes here. of course we can hire a lawyer but that cost money too. The system does need to be modified especially when you have stupidity and ignorance in the world.
I don't care what anyone says this system is shitty i have 6 kids and 4 of them are with my husband and i don't have a fit when things don't go my way i had the kids and if the man won't help take care of them its his loss but i'll be damned if i pay any child support to any women that my husband owed before me you got to be crazy besides most of them kids i take care of so he'll pay that by his self ya dig and beleive me i go out to the women who do it alone because i still do it alone so thats why i say let me take care of mine and them theres
Well, I have a story. When I met my other he only had one child..when we separated he ended up getting a girl pregnant and was not aware..well i did not know either and ended up pregnant. Now i have 2 kids from him. we received a letter in the mail stating he was being petitioned for child support. He requested a paternity test because he did not trust the girl..months went by and we finally got the results..long story short he is the father. Now they take out of his check every week.for back pay..for the months they were waiting on the results…he works and works hard but the money they are taking out for this "other child" is getting in the way of my 2 kids and his oldest. I am basically picking up his load because his money is going to the other female.He still has his own bills and he has other kids that he has to take care of. Tripping thing about it, is he still goes to see the child, still brings the child around the child even plays with my kids and sleeps over…the mother does not work and refuses to take him off of child support. The amount of money that goes to this "other child" he doesnt even spend on his other kids in a month. Seems like they are getting the shorter hand. It is not like he doesnt do anything, he still tries to be there but..she would rather collect.. WOW!!
I'm the new wife that married someone who already had children. He pays his child support WILLING to someone who collects food stamps, SSI, cash assitance, who has school age children, but DOES NOT WORK. My husband and I are both busting our butts to keep our heads above water and to feed the kids we have together, even though the ex seems to get almost every dime. Welfare doesn't seem to mind that she doesn't hold a job, she gets to live off of our income while we have to worry about how we're suppose to pay for his diabetic medication at the end of the month. They even threaten to take this license if he didn't pay the full amount he owed within 30 days. We DID appealed because how is he suppose to hold a job with no license?
Don't misunderstand me, I'm all for child support working for the children, but it doesn't work for the children. The state takes their cut, (of cours) sending less then half to his ex. It also was designed to screw up honest, working people and let the "baby mamas" sit on their rumps. There are some major changes that need to be made to the system. I.E, take into consideration any medical problems, layoffs, any OTHER children and if THEY have medical needs, etc…BUT seeing how our government (and lazy mothers) are greedy and wants as much money as they can get from us, they won't change a damn thing.
hello im paying $2000 dollars a month for one child, my daughter from a previous relationship. i have a wife who is not working at this time and 2 other biological children and a stepdaughter from my wife. my daughters mom who i have the support case with makes more money than me. we are both are in law enforcement. i gave proof of my mortgage thats $3600 a month,proof that my wife wasnt working because she injured her self,proof of my house hold bills proof that i take care of my step daugher and the magitrate still decided to take $2000 dollars a month from my check for one child. my bring home is $125.00 every two weeks.the magistrate refuses to allow my oldest daughter whom is 18 and was planning on going to college before this happen to be included in his dicision.even thou her mon and i went to court to astablish a order of paternity apon his request after i told him back in 1990 you did not need a paper of paternity to declare your that childs parent. i gave him a birth cert. with me and her moms signature. he didnt find that sufficant enough. also i gave him a notorized letter from my oldests mom stating that i gave her $600 A MONTH FOR CHILD CARE he didnt accept that either. i have even been on nightline with tim fliescher regarding this matter of child support in newyork city.it seems that every other state in the land is making exceptions in this economic time where in except newyork. being that my wife isnt working shouldnt this man allow my step daughter to be considerd in this matter. do i really have to go into forclosure before something is done about the newyork city childsupport courts,preferrably the queens family court!
Scott:
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but even a foreclosure won't stop it. It's just the way things are, and more people have to be aware of the reality of the system and fight to do something about it. Unfortunately, you are up against the government and a variety of legal agencies, who are receiving strong support from custodial parents who can't see the unfairness in taking all that free money.
Unless we all get together and plan something to stop this harassment and make a statement to those crooked state officials, they will continually abuse fathers/mothers, hurting everyone involved-father and mother. They are destroying the fabric of the family and causing anger on both sides which indirectly involves the children. This state is responsible and should pay somehow for this. Hopefully, with enough angry parents, the system will come crashing down. When the state pushes too hard, and attempt to take everything, they cause spouses involved to hire hit-man to eliminate their problems which again, is left out of the news and cough it up to an illness. I have heard many supporting parents think and say the unthinkable which has absolutely nothing to do with the parents and everything to do with our country. You just can't threaten a persons livelihood and/or expect everything to be okay or not care about the outcome. This country is out of control with crooked officials and only a mass of angry helpless people will be able to bring it down.
HA! Well said Philip– unfortunately you are overlooking how great of a job this government has done on taking away control and rights. "A house divided can not stand."
So turn everyone against each other.
Even if all the noncustodial parents stood up, and even the few custodial parents who recognize the abuse… it would still be up against the custodial parents who don't see the injustice (or, in most cases, are too greedy to care.)
The government was smart on this one… turning family into a profitable industry. Despite my complete hatred for the abuse placed on noncustodial parents, I am also disgusted by those parents who feel that paying a bill equals being a father. This happens on both side of the fence, and is just one of many problems caused by a corrupt system gone worse.
I agree with the last couple of comments. I am a custodial. But, I see the injustice.
I am willing to stand up and face these crummy officials who have turned divorced families into a profit making machine for themselves.
I see that divorced parents are discriminated against. IF parents were still married, and there was a job loss, illness, whatever, the whole family would bear the economic downturn.
But, somehow, noncustodials are held to a different standard – this, because of the kickbacks the states get paid by the fed's.
I am a custodial. I do not get what the state mandates from my noncustodial. And I do not care. I treat him fairly.
I am willing to do something about this because I am butt ugly angry at the whole situation, and I have been for a long, long time.
My email is tacomacat@yahoo.com – for all the world to see!
I am just about finished with the Child Support Regime – as I call this system nowadays. Thank goodness the government is about to get out of my business. I have endured 4.5 years of bull, and I have but 1.5 years left of it.
Oh, yes, I tried to leave the government out of it – my whole situation, to no avail.
Edie in Missouri
I see that both sides can be treated unfairly. However the fact is that children need support in everyway from both parties. I do not know how the state makes a profit? I know that a small fee is taking out for administration cost which is acceptable in my view.
Men and woman who are ordered to pay child support should do so willingly. It is to help take care of daycare, health insurance, school clothes, denisit, etc…..
When looking over the Fl guidlines I feel it is very fair the way they calculate.
The problen is on both sides there sometimes are greedy people, some want more than the child needs, and others will not help at all.. Whats a person to do? or a state? who knows..
Love and support your children in EVERY way
I can't believe what some of you say. My ex didnt pay me any money for years and I raised our 3 children by myself!!!!! Now he has a new wife and they did their taxes together. She was very upset when the irs held all the money. HAHA it's all coming to me and they get nothing!!!!! I think it's a great thing what the child support agencies do. Thank you very much.
Jessyca,Jessyca,Jessyca! Thank you! I am in the exact same situation, these lazy a** women need to get a f*uckin JOB! My husband works his ass off and still drives 2 1/2 hours EVERY weekend to get his kids and the B**CH acts like she can't get off her helpless ass and meet us half way! And do you think the courts are going to consider the fact it takes $140 to get them and bring them back for the weekend! They need to deduct that out of his child support! The extra money we spend to get them could go towards his child support! He was locked up the weekend after he went to get them which pissed me off even more!! I am also on the receiving side. I have 2 children and my ex gets off all year round until tax time! So I can see both point of views in these situations! The only difference between me and my husbands situation is.. I work and don't live off of the government, and so I guess the government doesn't feel my children doesn't need anything because I don't need them! So they aren't as aggressive to my ex as they are to my husband. But because his ex lives off the government and I don't they would lock my husband up for $200 before they lock my ex up for $8000! Ain't that some bullshit!!! And I meet my ex halfway when its visitation time which takes more out of my pocket cause he aint payin sh*t! Like I said until tax time, and that aint even enough for the year, so gettin his tax money don't amount to the time, energy, and sacrifices I have for my children. So for the guys that complain get the f*uck over it!!! And for the guys that do for their kids and still get screwed I am truly sorry, dam those piece of s*it, lazy, stank ass B*itches!!!!!
I understand ALL SINGLE MOTHERS SITUATIONS WHO HAVE KIDS WITH MEN WHO ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE,BUT IN MY CASE I DO LIVE WITH THE FATHER OF MY 2 GIRLS WHO OWES CHILDSUPPORT HIMSELF WHICH I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM AT ALL,I KNOW HE HAS 2 PAY CAUSE REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER IT IS HIS CHILD BUT THE ISSUE HERE IS THAT SOMETIMES MONEY CAN BE LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER AND THEY DONT UNDERSTAND THAT.MY HUSBAND WAS LAID OFF HIS JOB OF 8 YEARS AND HAD NO LUCK FOR ABOUT A MONTH WHICH WAS VERY STRESSFULL CAUSE ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU KNOW YOU HAVE CHILDSUPPORT PAYMENTS AND THEY WONT UNERSTAND THAT.NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE TO PAY IT SOME HOW WHICH I DONT THINK THATS RIGHT.IT WAS SO TERRIBLE FOR US CAUSE NOT ONLY WERE WE STRUGGLING FOR OURSELVES BUT AGAIN TAKING THE RISKS OF MY HUSBAND BEING ARRESTED FOR NOT SENDING ANYTHING DURING THAT MONTH.ITS TO MUCH PRESSURE WHAT THEY PUT ON YOU AND SHOULD UNDERSTAND IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS BUT THEY DONT THEY WANT TO COLLECT REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER HAPPENS.SOMETIMES THESE SO CALLED MOTHERS WHO ACT LIKE THE VICTIMS DONT EVEN SPEND THE MONEY ON THEIR KIDS BUT ON THEMSELVES WITH LUXURY CLOTHES AND JEWELERY AND CARS,AND I KNOW CAUSE IT HAS HAPPENED IN OUR SITUATION AND THEY STILL DONT CARE AND SAY THE DAD IS THE BAD PERSON WHEN THE MOTHERS ARE ONLY MONEY HUNGRY BITCHES WHO DONT SEE THIS MONEY AS FOR THEIR CHILDREN BUT FOR THEMSELVES TO SPEND AND HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH IT WHILE THE OTHER PARENT IS STRUGGLING ON HOW TO SURVIVE WITH 2 FAMILIES,CAUSE THERE IS WOMEN WHO ARE LIKE THAT.
I actually have a situation with this.
My boyfriend of 5 years and i have a kid together. He has a 12 yr old from another relationship (he is divorced). He owes 25000 dollars in back support because his ex wanted to use welfare even though she lived in a nice house with her parents….she was even encouraged to use welfare instead of working. NOW, my bf works 40+ hrs a week, has 58% of every paycheck taken to pay just the interest on the back support. i will NOT use welfare, i work 40 hrs a week. all this going on while she still refuses to grow up and get a job….she is 35 and still lives with her mommy and daddy. IM NOT SURE HOW THIS QUALIFIES AS FAIR. maybe PARENTS in general need to think twice about how they raise their children, and if using cash assistance now for selfish reasons RUINS the life of your ex, then dagnabbit, it should be harder to get cash aid.
my daughter dropped out of school at the age of 15 because she had a child.she had another one at 17 and one more at 20. she is now 22,never went back to school her mother took me to court when I got married.3 years ago I owed 10,000 now its 2,300.3 yrs strait they have taken my incometax checks.i have 2 children 6 and 8. i was in the rear.is there any way that i could keep at least half of my money
SOMETIMES IT JUST MAKES SENCE FOR THE FATHERS TO JUST WORK UNDER THE TABLE…..OR CLAIM SELF EMPLOYMENT SO THEY CAN PAY DSS ON THEIR OWN!!!! THE SYSTEM IS SO SCREWED UP, BECAUSE THEY RECIEVE A DOLLAR FOR EVER DOLLAR THE FATHER PAYS THEY MAKE LAWS AND FIND WAYS TO ROB THESE HARD WORKING MEN THAT TRY TO DO RIGHT BY TAKING CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN…..AND THOSE MONEY HUNGRY WOMEN THAT DONT KNOW HOW TO WORK ARE NO BETTER THEN THE SYSTEM EITHER!!! DO WHAT YOU MUST DO TO SURVIVE.
All I have to say is..Because you pay current support don't mean you are not behind. What kind of Man goes to court every other month (because he lost his job) and Knows how much he owes, and when his tax refund is intercepted…has the nerve to protest it. Now the money is just sitting, and showing in my account but it can't be released until he has a hearing. God only knows how long this will take….I guess his daughter only needs food I provide.
Yes, Jen-on feb 1. I am in the same situation, my ex, whose real name is Karen W is encouraged by the system to continue to use welfare (the enablers). They (the system) knew everything about my ex since birth. Everything she has been through starting with her rape from her father to having kid after kid after kid from abusive men. I was there and involved in the relationship after the 3rd guy in her life wasn't working out. She had already one kid at the time. At the time, she was 17 yrs old and was put up in a very large house with her other sisters; who also got raped and had kids of their own, way more than my current girlfriend Karen. The house is fully paid for by our taxes ($2000 a month). In the house was her crazy brother (Paul 25) who refused to take his meds and always wound up beating one of his sisters or mom to near death. Raped sister 1/12,(Paula 20) had an alcoholic boyfriend (40) who was also on welfare and beat her and the kids regularly. She currently sends naked pics to her father in jail (upstate NY). Raped sister 2/12 (25yrs old), was always visiting, and kind of lived there too, she has her fathers retarded child and children of her own. Her boyfriend, also doesn't take his meds and beats her, the children and mom to near death also. DMV gave him a drivers license and he uses it to do more terrorizing naturally-DUH! Raped sister number 3/12, (Karen-My girl at the time) had me, a middle class A student, who at the time knew nothing of what I just mentioned above. Been dating for 3 weeks only. Thought she was just a normal flirtatious girl who split the rent with her family. She had had been raped multiple times by her father and was the cause of him getting busted and going to jail. She loves her father, loves drunks, hates kids, loves to be beat and bruised and loves picking guys up from the strip bar. I was smart in school, but obviously not smart with with picking a stable mate. Then there was Debbie, the one who wasn't raped, she was in a foster home after the news of her father broke out thanks to Karen. A stupid kid with no education who loved having kids and went out with any guy who smiled at her. She actually liked kids and liked taking care of them. She made sure they all maintained an equal mentality compared to the rest of the family. Well, one day, they(CPS) & social workers walked into the house, at the time, I didn't know what was going on and who these people were because I thought to myself, well maybe I missed some family members. They said hi to me and I said hi to them. They asked who I was and I told them, I am Karen boyfriend, who are you? They said social workers checking on things here. Hey what did I know, I said, oh cool. They asked me how everything was, I told them, things were odd here, people and children are getting hurt and I don't know why. So, do you think, that these experienced piece of shit, waste of life social workers would let me in on any of their knowledge and said leave now while you still can. Do you think, that they'd interview me and asked me of my intention, give me some kind of heads up to what's going on. Of course not, why would they. They didn't even react or take action to anything I told them about the situation. Later on, after kid 2 (twins). Things just kept getting worse and worse. Not going to go into it, but lets just say, more beatings, more hospital visits, more conversations with social workers and psychologists on what's going on, more police, more babies and more babies. Later on, about 1 year later, Karen brought home this new teacher friend, Julie. She worked at Boces as teacher. She was pretty nice and I seen Karen and she were very friendly. How and why she got involved remains a fricken mystery to me, but she was a great baby sitter. Soon after, the courts somehow got my name and said I needed to pay child support and ordered me to pay. I said, wait-why am I paying, I work 12 hours a day, make $1,100 a week, buy everything my children need and take care of them, bring them to work because Karen is never home. They, the court hearing examiner said to me, just think of it as way of paying for the big house they all live in. I said, what the hell does that have to do with me. They also said, think of it as a way of paying for your children's hospital bill too. I told them, I am 17 and new nothing about children, my ex, raped me, forced and pressured me into having sex, what does that have to do with me. You people knew what kind of person she was before me. So this is really your fault, the system failed, not me. I was an innocent who needed guidance, protection and knowledge which was intentionally withheld from me. The hearing examiner said, that will be 50,000. I said you are out of your mind, he saidm you don't want to pay, then you just won 6 months in jail. I said, you're joking, then-there will be no one to take care of my kids. So he said to the guard, take him away to the judge for sentencing. The judge said to me, what the hell am I doing there, and who sentenced me to 6 months. She told me to get out and she said she wanted to talk with the hearing examiner. So, I left, got stuck with the $50,000 bill. When I got home, I caught my ex in bed with a stripper, so I told her this relationship is over, I took my kids and left. Later, I come to find out that I had to pay her child support, they(the courts, were putting more pressure on me and threatening me) even though I took care of the kids. So I did, for the next few years. I made visits to the house to see how she was doing and to pay her also. Then, some time later, I caught my ex's teacher taking her wick and food stamps and exchanging them for cash for her because she didn't really need them. So I said to her, I am going to tell the courts. I did just that and they said, where is your proof of child support, I said, that's not why I am here, I want to tell of a fraud. They said let's get the child support out of the way first. I said, ok. What do you want to know? The hearing examiner said, I want to know where the child support payments are. I said, I am paying my ex as you requested. He then made an appt with my ex and I and asked her if she was receiving child support from me. She said yes, then the hearing examiner said, ok-show me the proof. I said, what proof, what are you talking about. He said, the check stubs. I said, I don't have a checking acct, all my money goes to the kids, for food and supplies. He said sure. Now, you owe more, and I am putting a $200 weekly judgment on you, now get out of here. Is said, I am not finished, and he said to me, what-you want to go to jail, leave. With all this crap that happened to me, the system failing me, the social workers failing me, the psychologist saying how the whole family was great and normal and the hearing examiner failing me and the judge failing me and the police failing to follow up on my evidence and failing me in the process, I say, someone needs to dismantle the whole system, tear it down by any means necessary and start over with trusted officials who specialize in the field. Our system is a farce, which is one of the reasons that guy flew a plane into the IRS building. More and more crazy acts of violence will befallen this great system of ours until someone stands tall and fights all these crooked people and injustices that occur everyday in our government. We need to take a stand and do something, anything. Forever and always pissed off and hate this country and it's legal system.
hey everyone if your a women and your ex has to pay child support file [sep] tax forms 1040 and if you have dependents [[ kids ]] claim everyone of them even for the one he pays child support on/ you need there ssi number specialy if these moms that get child support dont work they waiting on there hand out / so in turn you will get more back only do this every other year it is legal thanks and good luck i been unemployed for a long and work under the table [ no tax takin ] none to pay
I am so sick of this child support bs! Dont get me wrong i believe u need to take care of ur child but when ur paying child support and it's not going for the child it's irritating. especially when u know the "mother" isnt buying her kid nething with her own money. her kid is always dressed poorly, hair is always a mess…well she lets her kid honestly look like a scumbag, as sad as that is to say. she is 28 yrs old,works a part time job, and lives on welfare! so what my husband has to pay more in child support because she wont get up off her a** and get a descent full time job? single mothers do it everyday!!! she is sooo lazy and we pay for it, along with our two daughters! my husband and i both work hard for what we have and she just gets to sit around and collect from us and her other childs father as well! and no matter how much we pay out in bills they always take 17% no matter what. were gonna be looking at paying $115/wk…most fathers out there end up paying for most of the childs needs. i know we put in more money than that bitch does!!! anyway the whole point of me writing this was because my husbands child support is automatically taken out of his paycheck, we never see the money, and the state that the childs mother resides in offsets our taxes every yeaar when he doesnt owe anything! we always get the money back but we're concerned because the offsets are destroying our credit! anyone out there ever have a problem like this? anyone know if we could possibly take legal action? please let me know!!!
I have read plenty of articles concerning child support issues and read many of the comments that get left afterwards. One phrase is always present in each comment, "The single mother is forced to raise her child with only one or sometimes no income." What do all of you think that most fathers' are doing? Except they are FORCED to do it with LESS than one income seeing how the state takes away almost HALF of their pay for children that most women STOLE from them in the first place!!!! Then my all-time favorite one is this, "We as single mothers' can't work a job because we have to stay home and take care of our children." Bu** Sh**. Plain and simple. There are so many programs in every state that gives daycare for free so that single parents can go to work. So why is it so much harder for mothers to get by than the fathers? Especially when they are given EVERYTHING? You get half the man's check, so you have exactly the same amount that he has to live off of, you get his and your tax incomes if he is behind even a little, (and in some cases not at all) you get the government programs to assist you with daycare for the child so you can work, (He doesn't) you get food stamps to pay for all of your food every month, I mean seriously….what else do you women want? Most don't work at all, and even if you do then you are most certainly making more than the father is. (Seeing how once again, you are getting half his check.) I personally have 2 children that I have to pay $738.00 a month for every month, and after taxes I only clear $1,383.00 every month. I also have 2 other children that I have joint custody of that I have week on and week off. No child support issued. But I still have to take care of them too. I'm not screaming at the top of my lungs for support from my other two kids mom, and see makes drastically more than I do. So after everything is said and done I only have $650.00 a month to take care of myself and my every other week children with, while also supporting my every weekend children. I also go to college full time now that I am out of the Army. So I work full time, go to school full time, have 2 of my children the same amount of time as the mother, and my other two every weekend. And I am doing it all alone with no help from anyone, and the state says that I make too much for food stamps. And I have to pay for a 3 bedroom apt just to be able to house us all so DCS doesn't come in and say that there isn't enough room for all my kids. And you all are over there complaining? ABOUT WHAT?!!! If the father isn't paying then you are getting help form other sources and all the while crying about how you have nothing. I LOVE my children too and they deserve better than what the state has done. Their mother never stays with them, is always keeping them at her mom's house while she goes out and drinks and acts a fool. My youngest son CRIES every time he has to go with her because she ignores him or she just isn't there. Even her family says that she isn't a real mother. Yet she has custody, and my children hardly see a dime of what I send. Somewhere along the line the term "Child Support" came to only mean FINANCIAL support. And if you were a father and were ordered by the court to pay it and didn't or couldn't, then you were a "Dead-beat Dad" who didn't care about his children. What a load of crap. There are plently of good fathers' out there who love their children just as much as I love mine, or as much as the mother does. Supporting a child isn't only financial, it's also being there for that child. To help them grow up into people that we can all be proud of. Nurturing them, and giving them confidence in themselves, and just being around in their lives. You women are so caught up in what YOU aren't getting that you are missing what you are taking away from your children…..their other half. Their father. You all keep saying how it is hurting the kids when the man doesn't give you money every month. Well I close with this question…..How much are YOU hurting the children by not ALLOWING the father to be just that in his children's lives, a father?
James: I feel your pain. First of all, let me state that I am female, and that I BOTH pay and receive child support on 3 children total. I pay for two (not even mine) and I receive for one (my youngest that I gave birth to is still in high school).
I think your anger is aimed the wrong direction and I think that this is the product of two things in our society:
1. The restribution of wealth, where the government thinks it can take from one class of people and give to another; and
2. The attitude amongst many Americans that they are entitled to stuff that they didn't work for.
I am 47 years old. My parents were divorced in 1970. My mom didn't ever receive a dime from my dad for the court ordered child support. It used to be like that a lot and a lot of women ended up on the welfare roles. Back then it was normal for a woman not to work and if she did, most of the women didn't earn very much because they were mostly in secretarial or low paying service jobs.
So, the government went after the wage earner over time – the father. The government did this because supporting the women and children on food stamps (back in my day, it was called commodities) and with housing assistance and MediCaid – was expensive.
Let me state that I earned $47,833.13 per year when I divorced the father on my two kids in 2005 – after his admission that he had been gay for 8 or 9 years. He made about $100K per year. I didn't want the child support agency involved as I preferred to keep this a private matter and keep the government out of our affairs. My ex didn't see it that way and had his lawyer demand an order be done. Despite this, I took less than the state recommendation and creeped by, financially. My ex then stopped paying anything. His excuse? Well, he said, he now has a new wife and two teenagers to support (her kids) and he has no money. (He needs a wife to keep face on the gay issue)
Now: When we got divorced, I took all the debt and we split the savings account of $30K. So we got $15K each. I could have split the debt, but didn't. I paid off all the debt (I can really cut back and run a budget), got a second job and did this all by myself. It took years. He, on the other hand, walked out free of debt, a good job, no order for child support, etc.
I have never once denied the father of my kids access to the kids. To this day, I continue to pay all the expenses of flying my youngest to see him, as he now lives out of state. The court wanted us to split those expenses, but once again, I took the responsibility.
Women don't get food stamps, assistance, free child care, lawyers or none of that stuff unless they are truly indigent. I should know, because I am a woman.
Another problem is these child support guidelines. It is hard for lower earning men to make those payments. This is because after the payments and taxes that they aren't given money to support their basic needs, at all. I have seen this in my personal life many, many times and I believe it is UNFAIR to those men and to any women stuck in the same position.
If I were you, I'd go after your ex and make her pay, if you can.
I'd also vote to put representatives in office that care and can fix the wrongs in our laws.
I'd also vote to have our tax burden reduced for many reasons: One of them being that it would make it easier for father's to pay their child support if they weren't getting taxed to high heaven!
I am sure, in your research, that you have read the kickbacks the states get for enforcing child support. It's HUGE. There is a financial incentive for the state to do this. And it's not pretty – all whilst forcing men like you into abject poverty.
As for me: I am a worker, always have been. I am smart. In 5 short years, my income went from $47,844.13 per year to $113K per year. I continue to go above and beyond for not only my children, but the two I support that aren't even mine. All women aren't as you describe. Only the lazy ones are and the states are making millions off of them in kick back money from the federal government.
I don't know what I can tell you beyond that. I guess for now, it's chuck up, and vote to change these terrible laws…oh, and take that woman to court, if you got the money.
Perhaps I am just old fashioned. My generation, the Baby Boomers and above, were taught to work, to be tough, and to stand on our own two feet even in the most dire of circustances.
I could only read a few of the comments about how how unfair it is to expect "hard working men" to pay child support. My x has never paid a penny of the court ordered child support. It was figured using the income shares model for our state, as required by law. He was only ordered to pay 18.84% of his income at that time for child support. His payment per week was less than the cost of daycare per week. How can that be considered unfair?
I work a full time job, provide health insurance, and all other needs. He was only supposed to pay what amounts to 87% of the day care costs at that time. Now that it's been nearly 5 years since the order was given, all of the costs associated with providing for the children are higher. His child support obligation has never been raised. This seems more than fair to me.